Hi all,

I am not struggling with a cult, but rather a therapy group that has used guilt and other negative tactics to keep its members. There is definitely a belief that if you leave the work there is something wrong with you. I have watched other people try to go and seen them get lambasted for doing so. The leader also talks negatively about people who have left. There are no boundaries to be heard of, and in fact some of us were helping this person when she was hospitalized (she is quite old). I do not believe that she is intentionally hurting people, but for me the work, though once helpful, has become very negative. When I told the leader I was going to leave she told me that I do not want to learn and that I am not open to exploring my negative feelings (I have been doing so for 8 years, so....). She actually said that she did not care what I did, that I could walk away right now, that I could get hit by a bus, that I could commit suicide, I was free to do whatever I wanted...This was the last straw for me. I played it cool in the session and told her I would think about coming back (she wanted me to come to see the group and talk about it, and take 8 months to separate), as I did not want to incite her negativity and get into a battle in which she would use what she knows about me to hurt me. Obviously, I am not going back, but I need some advice. Do I call to say I am not coming, or simply cut off all ties and not look back? I still feel like I owe the people that I left some kind of explanation, but I don't want to subject myself to a guilt trip and mind control, as they are all still seeing this woman, and as far as I am concerned under her spell as I was.

The group meets tomorrow night, and instead of going, I have invited a group of my friends (not related to the group) to come over and celebrate my freedom.

Rather serendipitously, I have lost my cell phone, so it has been turned off and no one can reach me (they do not have my home number). I thought I might just leave it that way for a while, maybe even change my number. Anyone have any thoughts or words of comfort?

I have switched phones because of bothersome people who just don't let go. I finally settled into a system in which only identified numbers get answered and my friends all know that.

Life has become PEACEFUL as a result! I have regular phone visits with a handful of trusted people and my time is my own and any guilt I have is my own, none gets thrust at me from someone else.

Just telling you this to support you in your new freedom. Keep a phone handy for emergencies of course, but with cel-phone accounts and prepaid cards, it is easy to change your number and gain some space in your own head :)

That shrink is a real jerk, BTW.

I realize this is an old post, but is your reference to "the work" related to Byron Katie and The Work?