Hello,
I am new here & am glad I found a site where people might understand what I experienced.
I recently dated a pastor who is under the "covering" of his head pastor. As we spent time together & he continued to teach me the word of God a few "yellow flags" came up. In a nutshell..he said the "covering" is the head & if we don't submit to the head, we arn't submitting to God. An issue came up where I told the "head" that I wasn't interested in his offer of starting a exercise business & my date at the time became highly offended. He said, in reference to his "covering", that I "dethroned the king" & "I took the king's crown off". Since I did not accept the business, I did not accept the offer from God. He said I didn't submit & was in rebellion. I had to write a letter of apology to the "head/covering" & take him to dinner to show my repentence.
My ex chooses not make any decisions on his own w/o the authority & appoval of his head. He can't stand on his own two feet & be a real man in Christ, it's like daddy is always there for him.
When we first met, my date told my cousin that "I will give her a new destiny" & "I will change her"; obviousley this was not from God, but from man. I was naively taken advantage of b/c I was a babe in Christ & with his smooth domineerance I fell into believing that following my date & his destiny 4 me, was following God.
I feel that I couldn't have my own identity & it's like they tried to strip me of who I was and build me into what they wanted me to be for them. Example: I was an athlete & am still very active & love to be aggressive in my sports, but they said this is unusual for women to be like that & I must have problems that I try to cover up by doing these activities. And these activities are my god & false idol(not true, b/c I praise God that I do have talent in these areas & give my praise to Him).
I do know that the "head" does have an ego & he often exalts himself instead of Christ. I FEEL THAT MY EX IS MARRIED TO THIS MAN("HEAD"), it's sick!!!
My date was also willing to ask me to marry him on X-mas & then move across the country with his "covering" while I would remain here for a few months during our engagement & he would come back to marry me. I felt taken for granted & tried to explain why I didn't think he took marriage seriousley by leaving. He bcame extremley defensive & used a large guilt trip to get back at me.
But now since I am out of their "group" I am greatful I was delivered from serving the "covering", but sometimes feel "no, I am lost w/o them & I messed up God's plan for my life". Thanks for any input if u know what I went through.

I was in an apostolic cult that was a "cell church" and they had shepards that led each cell of the church....the shepards were there for one purpose to get intimate information from you to tell the leader, so he can mention it "as a message from God"

sheparding is really bad, it creates a situation where there are no secrets, and identity is fused with the shepard, so the victim becomes a mindless shell of who they were.

Avoid your ex husband, is my advise. People like that will suck the life out of you


that is truly an unfortunate start for your christian journey.
I recomend that you see a therapist to work out your issues and regain your identity

JoAnne

Quote
nativeflower
I was in an apostolic cult that was a "cell church" and they had shepards that led each cell of the church....the shepards were there for one purpose to get intimate information from you to tell the leader, so he can mention it "as a message from God"

sheparding is really bad, it creates a situation where there are no secrets, and identity is fused with the shepard, so the victim becomes a mindless shell of who they were.

That sounds a great deal like Sovereign Grace Ministries, though it's common among many forms of shepherding cults, such many New Frontiers churches.

Sheperding can be good or bad.

Good point is that it helps build better fellowships.

In the hands of wrong people or badly trained, it can lead to control.

We need to take responsibilites for our actions in what we do or say.

We want to grow in Christ. If you have an issue then do not share.

The sheperding is biblical but alas like with anything in the wrong hands it can become destructive.

Lord Haw Haw:

What a strange name you have chosen for this message board.

It is the title given to an English traitor that defected to the Nazis during WWII.

"Lord Haw Haw" radio broadcast anti-British Nazi propaganda--something like "Tokyo Rose".

Your observation about "shepherding" is really a rather shallow observation.

The key issue is accountability.

Do church leaders have meaningful accountability through a constitution and bylaws governing the congregation, through democratically elected boards and officers?

Can the elected board fire the pastor? And who controls the church budget? And is there meaningful financial tranparency?

Meaningful financial transparency means an annually published and distributed budget that discloses in detail all salaries, compensation and expenses paid out from church funds.

These are the key questions.

Jesus said that many would come in his name, but he would not know them. He warned about wolves in sheep's clothing and urged believers to inspect the fruit. Paul was critical of the bad behavior of leaders in Galatians.

For more information about "shepherding" and the trouble caused by authoritarian church leadership you should read the following:

See [www.culteducation.com]

Also see [www.culteducation.com]

These links include research about shepherding and discipleship schemes.

I am fully aware of sheperding, having been in a church that practised it in the 80's.

My observations are from first hand experience.

Performed in the right manner it helps build relationships and accountability.

In hands of those people whom i shall dub unsavory, it can lead to abuse.

The accountability list you mentioned was not performed by the early church. So it should not be taken as be-all and end-all.

What was your experiences when you were under sheperding moderator. I find people sharing their experiences can help one another grow.

In your opinion is all sheperding bad.

I have had a good experience and a bad experience. But i will not generalise the whole movement as bad. Would you agree?

As for my name, did you want me to change it. I did not see the name a poster takes, as being a forum rule.

If it is i humbly apologise.

Couldn't help but notice this thread. I was in a shepherding church for almost 25years - therefore, first hand experience. Shepherding is just another term for (Psuedo) Christian CONTROL. It nutures an environment of dominance by a few at the top over the vulnerable many branching outward at the bottom; much like a pyramid. Therefore, Pyramid Scheme in regards to recruitment and finances.


"The accountability list you mentioned was not performed by the early church. So it should not be taken as be-all and end-all."

What was Paul was doing in the New Testament?




"In your opinion is all sheperding bad."

Based on my first hand experience and human nature being what it is "Yes." In theory it might work much like commnunism was believed to work before it actually became a way of life. True Christianity does not manipulate, control, dominate and undermine a persons dignity or create self-doubt to the point of never feeling capable of doing enough for the Lord. All the sheperding movement has done is create a bad light on the true Christian Church and make a mockery of the Grace of God. Bottom line one can never do enough for the church. One can never be transparent enough because once they know everything about a person they use it against them to control and humiliate them into submission.

Fuck 'em all

It depends on what you mean by "shepherding". If you mean:

1). A more experienced Christian helping a new believer to understand the truths of the Gospel, teaching them how to pray in a Biblical manner;
2). Being there for advice and prayer;
3). Being accountable one to another, in submission one to another;
4). In a co-equal relationship as co-priests of God (i.e., the more experienced believer being accountable, in his/her own actions, to the new believer as well).

Then I'd say fine, shepherd away. My gut tells me though, Lord Haw Haw is appropriately named, and hasn't a clue about Godly shepherding, but is feeding the forum the typical utilitarian, consequentialist rationale (if it works, if it builds accountability, it must be OK) of the destructive cults.

Quote
silentnomore
Couldn't help but notice this thread. I was in a shepherding church for almost 25years - therefore, first hand experience. Shepherding is just another term for (Psuedo) Christian CONTROL. It nutures an environment of dominance by a few at the top over the vulnerable many branching outward at the bottom; much like a pyramid. Therefore, Pyramid Scheme in regards to recruitment and finances.


"The accountability list you mentioned was not performed by the early church. So it should not be taken as be-all and end-all."

What was Paul was doing in the New Testament?




"In your opinion is all sheperding bad."

Based on my first hand experience and human nature being what it is "Yes." In theory it might work much like commnunism was believed to work before it actually became a way of life. True Christianity does not manipulate, control, dominate and undermine a persons dignity or create self-doubt to the point of never feeling capable of doing enough for the Lord. All the sheperding movement has done is create a bad light on the true Christian Church and make a mockery of the Grace of God. Bottom line one can never do enough for the church. One can never be transparent enough because once they know everything about a person they use it against them to control and humiliate them into submission.

Exactly right. Shepherding as typically practiced replaces Jesus with the shepherd. It's about man, not God, control, not Godly example. Shepherding, as commonly practiced, is pretty nigh anti-Christ.

Funny you mention pyramid schemes. The pastor of the NFI church whom I mentioned elsewhere in this forum as a toxic church leader who eventually lost his church, within five minutes of meeting me at church, was suggesting that we collaborate on a MLM/Pyramid scheme. Cultic groups like New Frontiers have appropriated multilevel marketing/pyramid scheme strategies from the world and applied them to the church. But they're worse that pyramid schemes, which only take your financial resources, they also suck your spiritual life away.