Date: February 07, 2008 02:05PM
Normally and expectantly, one would think grandmothers to be sweet & caring figures in ones' life. My mother raised me well, in terms of knowing that.....like a good mom would....and common sense would tell you this also. I get sad when I see other grandmothers that are "normal" like that...(how they are supposed to be.)
The sad thing in life is that abusers can take many forms....strangely & as I know, rarely in form of a grandmother.
Thats one of the main reasons why I have lost most trust in general due to my life circumstances specifically regarding this particular issue with her.
Well...I could start here in explaining my situation. One of the initial and early issues w/ her in my life was, when I was at the age of 12 things were not going well for me to begin with in mostly my all-around life...My parents were divorcing, I was suffering severe childhood depression, and allot of other bad things. Unfortunately she did not help any of our situations...(she at the time was in great health & very cognitive in general).
After my mom separated from my dad, my mom & I chose to stay with my grandma until we could get a place for ourselves.
Not to mention, even while things were going wonderfully within & between my parents, and their marriage, and so on... She raised my mother in an abusive manner. Anyway, when my mom and I were there....she would literally go above and beyond in terms of being abusive to us in the worst time in that time-frame. She would pin my mother & I against each other, would be extremely manipulative....and many other inappropriate things until we were literally beat into the ground.
By then we truly were at our worst at that time, and incredibly vulnerably in countless ways, so she proceeded with her actions & exhasberbated our situations....-Not quite helpful in the least.
-My mother growing up w/ her, was extremely mistreated emotionally by her. Whenever my mother displayed emotion in-particular sadness or anger, my grandma would yell at my mom & pretty much would always tell her to "keep it inside"...(Not healthy)
In therapy later on my mom discovered that was one of the main roots/reason behind her self-medication...... So my mom struggled with that through her life- she's currently sober & has been for numerous years- thank God....
-Back to the time when we were living with my grandma.......she was not being nice to my mom and I & it brought up loads of issues with my mom, and naturally didn't help her in her state or mind......put plainly it was one big mess. The result was her ending up in rehab from the devastation, and I was falling apart....and had no other place to stay except with grandma. She was so horrible to me......I got so depressed that I became suicidal, and sadly tried to take my life.
-The sickest thing that she's ever done to me was, after I stabbed myself I went to tell her because it was so painful & I needed medical attention, so she then sent me to my room with a knife hanging out of my stomach.....believe me-this was not for attention....I truly wanted to end my life.....I just didn't know the right way to kill myself successfully.....so, pretty much, I was left for dead there, until a family friend rescued me and took me to the hospital.....come to find out I almost died......
Till this day, I cannot believe she left me for dead like that.......
I could talk everyone's ears off with many other stories about the things she's done in my life.....but this is all I can share for tonight.......... I am sorry if I talked to much.....I have a hard time explaining things..... thankyou for reading.