I know someone who is in an abusive relationship.

The man alternately flatters and denigrates, threatens oestracism, and tells her she must choose between him and me- the works!

She went to school with this man but now converses with him via email.

She says without those emails from him, she has no relief from suicidal depression.

I've tried to get her to make other friends, take up a hobby, join an online depression forum- everything!

She doesn't seem to want to do anything to make her feel better- even online.

At the moment he has oestracised her so she is full of despair. But I reckon they'll be friends again next week.

She is not the only person he has sought to manipulate in this way, but one of several.

What can I do to help her?
Love
Kath

You can't really do anything unless she wants to help herself. There is a website, www.drirene.com , for people in verbally abusive relationships, which usually involve one manipulative person and one who plays into the manipulation. There is good general information on the home page and an extensive forum of mostly women who have been involved with manipulative partners, employers, clergy, etc. You might take a look and give her info on patterns you read about there.

Quote
kath
I know someone who is in an abusive relationship. <br /> <br /> The man alternately flatters and ...

Knowledge is force !

Also see [www.culteducation.com]

This a complete subsection within the Ross Institute database exclusively about Abusive/Controlling Relationships.

There is also a DVD.

See [www.culteducation.com]

I think that's the really hard thing to accept sometimes when trying to help another person. You see the abuse in the relationship, but as yet they either do or obviously haven't accepted it.

And even if you could think of the greatest and most persuasive reason ever for them to change or to see what is happening, and you told it to them, that still wouldn't do it. Because it's your reason. Not theirs. All you can do is be supportive, talk to them, show them your reasoning and hope they discover a reason of their own, in their time.

But....

And here comes the big but...... And yet that 'free will to do as you please with your life' doesn't always apply does it? Because some forms of abuse are so horrific that you have to somehow 'force' the person out of the abusive enviroment they are in because of the severe brainwashing they are being subjected to....

A two edged sword.

Welf
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The lady concerned turned out to be a fruitloop in her own way too and to be constantly winding people up.

:roll:

It happens like that sometimes eh kath?

I've been caught out thinking someone needs a supporting hand after they tell you their problems and ask you what you think. Then after a while you realise they play quite a significant role in the fiasco themselves to keep the drama in their life 'alive'. Thus the type of answers you give them weren't really the ones that they were wanting to hear anyway.

Then you think arhhh stuff it, waste of time coz in most occassions they are also doing the same to everyone else they know...

Welf
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