Hey.. I need some advice. There is a trmendous amount of information here, and I am trying to sort through it, but I am hoping someone can help or offer advice.

Last year, I met the man of my dreams online. We were just perfect for each other. He lived with his parents though, but decided he wanted to move down here with me. His mother didn't like the prospect of this, and really didn't like me.

I flew up to visit him, and meet his family. Everything seemed ok, except I noticed that this woman COMPLETELY controlled this family's every action. Even those of people not living with her. She intimidates them, I think. I knew she had an odd control over my boyfriend, btu I didn't realize it was like this.

Anyway, we had the most amazing week together and he asked me to marry him. We were.. happy.

So I go back home. He goes back to his parents. His mother IMMEDIATELY isolates him. She literally swipes his cell, doesnt allow ANYONE (including his own brother) to call him on the house phone, has net disconnected... there are other things, but she made some serious threats and had him scared.

Then he calls me a few days after I leave and is babbling. Literally. He is making no sense but he gets out that he has "been shown" how I was trying to "destroy the family" and "couldnt be trusted" and that "the family is all that matters. we have to preserve the family".

I was devastated, as anyone would be. that was about 3 weeks ago. I couldnt figure out this mood swing. Then I found out, he had a mental breakdown and has been in a mental hospital for about 2 weeks.

I have looked at alot of information on thought reform and other tactics used by cults... and it fits this woman to a T..

I want to know how to help my boyfriend get over this. His brother, and sisterinlaw, basically said that that was not him that told me all that crap on the phone. Considering I could hear his mom literally feeding him words... I can believe that.

Please help!

Thanks in advance

Is he still in hospital?
How is his brother helping with this?
Maybe try to find a licensed professional counsellor who knows about thought reform in abusive relationships, for him to see later on.
A couple of books I could recommend for your own reading;
"Captive Hearts/Captive Minds" Lalich & ???
"Recovery from Cults" edited by M. Langone

He is still in the hospital, yes.

His brother is... well.. passive. He will not go against his mother, and she will not allow anyone to have any information on my fiancee's status.

Today, I am going on a mission to find out about him. I am calling in some favors to a close friend's ex girlfriend (they are still good friends) who is a hospital administrator in that area, and I think actually at that hospital. Either way. I have learned in past experiences with hospitals that you just have to be persistent enough.

I looked up those books, and will be buying them as soon as I get some money..

His family seems to just want to keep peace, which I can understand, but still... we are talking about someones well-being.

Thanks..

wow.....

It sounds like exactly what you said!

Narcissistic personality disorder gone 300 times out of control in the boyfriend's mother, perhaps, and now the woman runs her family like a hypercontrolled little cult. owch.

I hope that guy can get away from her and REALLY get some recovery done. If you're still interested in him, maybe you can get him to be with you and just get him as far away from that b*tch as possible, including not letting her know yours and his address and ph#, etc.

I was able to indirectly observe the behavior of a woman with narcissistic personality disorder before. The emphasis on "the family" being the most highly critical focus of life sure rings a bell. She was horribly manipulative, just pathologically so.

poor guy.

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--angel_fire--
Hey.. I need some advice. There is a trmendous amount of information here, and I am trying to sort through it, but I am hoping someone can help or offer advice.

Last year, I met the man of my dreams online. We were just perfect for each other. He lived with his parents though, but decided he wanted to move down here with me. His mother didn't like the prospect of this, and really didn't like me.

I flew up to visit him, and meet his family. Everything seemed ok, except I noticed that this woman COMPLETELY controlled this family's every action. Even those of people not living with her. She intimidates them, I think. I knew she had an odd control over my boyfriend, btu I didn't realize it was like this.

Anyway, we had the most amazing week together and he asked me to marry him. We were.. happy.

So I go back home. He goes back to his parents. His mother IMMEDIATELY isolates him. She literally swipes his cell, doesnt allow ANYONE (including his own brother) to call him on the house phone, has net disconnected... there are other things, but she made some serious threats and had him scared.

Then he calls me a few days after I leave and is babbling. Literally. He is making no sense but he gets out that he has "been shown" how I was trying to "destroy the family" and "couldnt be trusted" and that "the family is all that matters. we have to preserve the family".

I was devastated, as anyone would be. that was about 3 weeks ago. I couldnt figure out this mood swing. Then I found out, he had a mental breakdown and has been in a mental hospital for about 2 weeks.

I have looked at alot of information on thought reform and other tactics used by cults... and it fits this woman to a T..

I want to know how to help my boyfriend get over this. His brother, and sisterinlaw, basically said that that was not him that told me all that crap on the phone. Considering I could hear his mom literally feeding him words... I can believe that.

Please help!

Thanks in advance

Sounds like my mother.

Sorry to hear that.

Sincerely,
Derek