I searched this site for info on PAS but didn't come up with anything.

I have a relative who exhibits almost complete PAS signs, and she has recently married a man who treats her like property -- as did her mother -- and seems to be making moves to separate her from selected family members and friends. Only people who represent possible achievement of higher social status are valued by him.

She is completely willing to participate in the relationship thus far -- likes to have someone telling her what to do, similar to her relationship with her mother. Her husband and her mother both strike me as narcissists and this young woman seems to be somewhat of a dependent personality, although she is very aggressive and manipulative with anyone other than the two strong personalities to whom she has been attached.

Anyone with experience in this area?

I could have written this post about my own life. I actually checked the post to be sure I hadn't written it.

My parents were very emotionally neglecting of me. All three of us kids had a lot of behavioral problems, some involving the law. As years passed, money became more plentiful - for them. They very much resent and fear their own family needing them for anything. When I say money, I mean they have a LOT of it, traveling all over the world, built a new home in a very high priced community, just throwing money at whatever they like.

For me, I grew up to have some very big emotional and psychiatric problems as a result. Fortunately I keep them in check and have a good support system and coping skills. I had to actually cut off all communication with them because they ARE the trigger for my emotional and psychiatric problems, which I only learned since they moved out of state.

So they were always work-a-holic, self absorbed narcissists, and I couldn't figure out - what's wrong with me? Why won't they care about me? I wrote them direct questions like this. Very bland replies.

About a year ago they started into the healing water, and are now full fledged pentecostal bots. They are funding the place, mainly because they want to be "players" in the church. They like to be in control. Won't this be interesting? They want to send me to the healing center, and I sure am glad I'm not in communication with them. It's them who caused the problem, why would I want their solution?

When people are that screwed up, something is unbalanced. They usually go haywire in the end. People who allow these kinds of relationships in their life need therapy. Until the light dawns on them that this isn't normal, I doubt anyone can help. I married a man from whom I could never gain approval, just like my dad. It wasn't until I REALIZED the problem that I began to turn things around.

I hope this makes a little sense?

Well hailmary,I did not know much about you PAS. I am telling you as per my knowledge regarding PAS.Though PAS is quiet a common term, yet many confusion & wrong belief is assocoated with this term.PAS normally follows few rules.First rule involves active blocking of contact between child & absent parent. Next law concludes false or non distinct abuse of the absent parents.

I would like to know more about this, also, as my ex has done this with my daughters. I cannot comprehend how one parent can brainwash a child away from their mother.

Hi everyone!

Interesting, parent alienation syndrome came to my attention during a really difficult divorce...l just couldn't figure out what was going on with the children and the access visits. What l observed made no sense at all...the only thing that was perfectly clear was that my ex-husband was very angry, and very threatening...l wanted for the transitions to work, the children where having nightmares and acting out. However, it didn't as the legal battle began things got worse and worse, so bad in fact, the children were in so much pain, that l suddenly realized one day that one person had to give because the children were breaking apart. l didn't know what to do and l consulted so many people, spent a huge amount of money...

I found the writing of "Parent Alienation Syndrome" by Richard Gardener, and suddenly l just knew the depth of what l was facing. It is basically brainwashing.

And l don't know if anyone remembered Patty Hearst who was kidnapped in the '70's, but she turned to her captures in a mental pattern that is called the Stockhome Syndrome. It was again in the media when Elizabeth Sharp was kidnapped and seemed to be willing to stay with her capturers.

Richard Gardener was a kind and generous man who gave a tremendous gift to the world in his lifework, which was to ultimately educate and reunite families. He was kind enough to give me a break in the price of his time, and l spent an hour on a call with him, l recorded it, and on this tape he predicted precisely what was going to happen.

He was right, and the warning prepared me.

Sometimes being a really good parent means you have to let go before the child breaks, and truly learn unconditional love, because you have to learn to keep loving regardless, to keep spiritually reaching out regardless, to keep sending joy, love and peace regardless...

l believe in God and this has been the grace that has held me together...and l know that PAS is a result of several choices that people have made, ultimately it is based in supreme ignorance.

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sandip260382
Well hailmary,I did not know much about you PAS. I am telling you as per my knowledge regarding PAS.Though PAS is quiet a common term, yet many confusion & wrong belief is assocoated with this term.PAS normally follows few rules.First rule involves active blocking of contact between child & absent parent. Next law concludes false or non distinct abuse of the absent parents.

This was done to me. I lost my daughter because of her being punished by several people for any positive contact se had with me. The lies told about me in my absence were extreme. I raised her, and when this began to take full effect in her teens, I kept thinking that there would be an opportunity to explain the lies. But it did not happen.

She seemed to be so brainwashed she completely forgot the childhood I provided, as single parent, and I know she was punished for expressing any happy memories.

I had to use miles to distance myself from the abusers, but she chose to live within their circle of influence, and I actually no longer know if she is even dead or alive. I have to just have faith that she is living her life as she sees fit.

I have heard that some people may turn their children against the other parent, but I also heard that the theory of PAS is used by child abusers to defend themselves in court with sad result that the abusers get custody of the child. I did a search on the web and found these pages

http://fact.on.ca/Info/pas/wood94.htm

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/faq.htm

These pages also call the PAS theory pseudoscientific.

I did some research on the guy that developed it, Gardner and found some not so good things also. I read that he wrote that
sex with a child is biologically natural and was not harmful to children. Having been abused in the cult I was in, I would totally disagree with this.