Daytripper, you sound like you are on the way back to your true self. It is very difficult to break free of a controlling and abusive parent--they are, after all, supposed to take care of you and have your best interests at heart. My own experience growing up and yours, speak otherwise. Parents can be selfish and self-centered and jealous and all that you mentioned. They can shoot you down if you have any ambition or show any talent or otherwise try to break free.

Please know that they don't get to define you. Nobody does.

Also know that this time of transition will have good days where you feel good about yourself and your direction--but it will also have days of setbacks and questioning yourself. It's really hard when someone in authority, such as a counselor, who misleads you and once again makes you feel inadequate (such as the one that questioned you on why you were co-dependant). Again, just because there is an "M.S." or a "PhD" after one's name doesn't mean they have the ultimate knowledge of the universe. They are human. They are following a psychiatric association that has been borne out of misogyny and linked sex with everything (Freud). Listen to your own inner instincts, which my guess is that they have been denied to you by others who sought to control you.

Best of luck to you.

When people have to use intimidation, manipulation or domination, the relationship is already spoiled.Willingness and desire to be together, equality between people and complete mutuality are the hallmarks of healthy relationships.

I (stupidly) got involved with a married man who swept me off my feet, promised me the world and won me over so completely with compliments and declarations of love from the word go. Never have I had a man so demonstrative, so romantic, so loving generous and emotionally “in tune” but he had a dark side which I recognised from the start but felt helpless to do anything about. He bought me gifts, paid my rent, bought groceries and nice things for my kids and when we were alone he spent every waking moment telling me how much he loved and adored me but in-between the very emotionally charged declarations of ever lasting love and compliments he weaved the story of his life which was one of deceit, lust, trickery and evil intentions. At times I felt dizzy and even sometime nauseated for no reason but most of all I was paralysed because I became unable to tell truth from lie and dream from reality. I found out that he slept with a score of other women and had another girlfriend besides me as well. I confronted him and made contact with her and he was furious. He often used control techniques during sex which I found interesting at first but when it ended in actual rape I ‘woke up’ and booted him out of my life. I landed up in hospital with a nervous breakdown and was put on very strong antidepressants as well as some other drugs. I only realised months after the relationship ended and I read an article about brainwashing techniques that this was what he did to me (unrealistic highs followed by unrealistic lows) which explains the dizzyness in the beginning as well as the psychosis I suffered during the relationship as well as months after having no contact with him at all. It has taken me almost a year to rebuild my life as I lost everything I worked for and almost my children as well.

Looking back today I cannot believe that I fell for all his lies but in my own defence I have to say that his techniques were flawless….he conned others out of more than just their hearts…he made thousands off of them and he is perhaps still doing it today. If I actually had any money I know for a fact I would happily have handed that over too.

Ladies beware….the guy who walks in as Prince Charming complete with white horse and wallet is more often than not the Devil in disguise…be awake and be safe.

Getting out of an abusive relationship is not so easy. If the person was to HIT me, I could do something. But, abuse comes in many forms. Conrol thru money, family, home, etc.....I, unfortuntley married this man twice! An idiot. He is an addict. A christian. Noone knows what is behind closed doors. I just want Peace. Many times, I find myself in MY room ....like a prisoner. I know it is my choice. But, the payoff is that I am able to be near my grand kids, my son, my family. That in itself is worth the price I pay. One day, I will be free with JESUS. One day. Until then, I must just do the best I can to Survive each day. Thank you for your post, I will look up the site you suggested.