Hello,

As the title states, there is one cult that might be trying to convert me. There is one woman who used to have power over me, manipulated me. After I realized what is going on I cut all ties with them, but recently I observed her using same manipulation techniques.

I told them direct no several times before, sounds like don't take No as an answer, but I ignore them so much they have no other option.

I am a bit concerned about that woman though - she still have some influence over me... Lastly I just ignored her, she did not mind at all and tried at me her stuff.

Is there some way to shield myself from this?

It happens rather rarely, I meet them as little as possible and mostly it is just accident, but just in case...

It’s the fact that you say no that is the shield. When you cannot be controlled or used in some way, you become ‘useless’ to the person attempting. Eventually they decide to try elsewhere but it does not mean they won’t ever try again.

Your persistent no meets their persistent return until the other backs down and leaves it out, it’s a bit like an in person stare down :D

Hi Peter,

I'm sorry that you have suffered manipulation from this woman. I am very glad you have been so brave to leave and cut off those people from your life. That takes courage and wisdom and guts. Good for you!

You have the right to say no. Do not accept people not taking your "no's" for an answer. "No" is a complete sentence.

You're boundaries were battered and suppressed by abusive people (my guess, otherwise why would you have trouble asserting your boundaries). It takes time to build them up.

Nobody worth your time will batter or exploit your weak boundaries. People who are not pieces of shit have empathy, and they generally can tell when someone feels uncomfortable, or says no and means it. If they're a little annoying or whatever they might try to pressure you (peer pressure), not necessarily them trying to be mean, but generally people learn to stop pushing at a certain point. When it becomes clear the person is uncomfortable. Bullies, on the other hand (there are adult bullies, remember! they just physically look like grown ups) don't give a shit about you. They often, in addition, enjoy pushing you around, like you are a racket ball.

Don't beat yourself up. When we've been taught all our life we don't deserve self respect, autonomy and boundaries, how are we supposed to suddenly know better when we become adults? Someone who cares needs to teach us. The power is already in us, its just not realized and beaten up and bruised. We don't realize we are ALLOWED to say no. Because we always had to put the needs of our abusers first. When children are abused, for example, they don't have a choice. They depend on their abusers for survival. But now, you are an adult. Saying no does not hurt you or them. Saying no is self respect.

You don't need to explain yourself after you say no. No. That is all. If you feel pressured to explain further (which you don't need) its probably because they are pressuring you and they just want to hurt you or use you. Steer clear of those people.

It may take time, but you will get there my friend. Just remember, YOU come first. Don't be sacrificing your needs and desires and time for others. This is your life. What about you?

sashah