"friends" who demand alibis and time sheet
Posted by: inspector 8 ()
Date: May 12, 2003 05:00AM

There is much to be said about situations where "friends" ask demanding personal questions about what one does with their personal time (which is none of the "friend's" business).

Many stories could be told about this.

Anyway I just want to say that I can think of at least two situations in which I have had a "friend" who started becoming judgmental and demanding about just exactly how I spend my personal free time.

When I've thought about it later, so much of this is none of their business (unless they "own" me). Usually they seem to be trying to coax or coerce me into doing something or other by putting a guilt trip on me.

Anyway free personal time (what little of it most busy people of today have) is often stressful and no fun when it is over-hung by a guilt trip that one could be spending it more "wisely" some other way that a "friend" has in mind.

I could say so much more on this subject --- exact situations and all --- but in sum I just want to say I find this VERY CULT-LIKE when "friends" start demanding how one spends their time, or their free time.

For one --- BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS ANYWAY --- there are SO MANY little inuendos about other peoples' personal lives which are none of their business, anyway.

For instance, only I know whether or not my body is getting run down and I feel like I need extra rest, before a health problem sets it. Only I know that my personality type likes to spend time doing creative endeavors, and that I sometimes start feeling too run-down and stressed if I don't. There is no way I can explain all of that to make someone of a different personality type understand all of that.

I think we need to beware of people who ask demanding personal questions as to how we spend our time, our money, etc. Sometimes these people just want to control our lives, and they have no business doing it.

Maybe at some later date I can hone this subject better and submit a better essay on it, but this will have to do for now. Thanks!

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"friends" who demand alibis and time sheet
Posted by: richardmgreen ()
Date: May 12, 2003 09:26PM

My mother's parents weren't like this but my father's mother, who was an orthodox Jewess, constantly grilled my father on what he was doing. And t his was when he was in his 50's.
She really left a bad taste on my mouth.

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"friends" who demand alibis and time sheet
Posted by: ewe2 ()
Date: July 12, 2005 07:01AM

I just happened to see this and it really validated how I feel. I have a 'friend' who does this. It is so annoying! Now I appreciate it when people remind me of things because yes, life is so busy and it's easy to forget stuff. This person calls me AFTER the fact and tries to put on a guilt trip. Many times I have purposely not wanted to do some certain activity but this person tries to make me feel bad about that. And the personal questions and insinuations....Yikes! I refuse to give any meaningful information and I know it drives my so called friend crazy LOL. I was so glad to read this b/c I thought it was just me. I considered myself to be just a "private person" but after reading this I began to rethink, yes maybe this behavior is abusive after all. Maybe I am just normal to be bothered by this. I have recently made inroads in my own journey towards emotional health and as I have grown have found myself wanting to be around my 'friend' less and less b/c the relationship seems so one-sided and unhealthy. Anyway thanks for writing, it's good sometimes to come across my own feelings in someone else's words and know I'm not alone.

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