Date: December 27, 2011 01:49AM
I am only just realizing since my departure 9 months ago, that I had grown up and lived much of my adult life in a cult like family dynamic. Right now, I am fighting to rebuild my relationship with my son whom I had to leave behind because of the threats my family made against me. I hope to get strong enough to face them head-on and claim my son's freedom. What makes it even more difficult is they chose my ex-husband over me. He continues to live with them..
Luckily, I am in therapy and have a strong support system of friends that have cared for me throughout the exit process. I see my son every other weekend but feel he would be much better off spending more time away from this emotionally coersive environment.
Right now, I feel like I have no identity. I've divorced from both my spouse and my family and cannot connect to either last name. It's a daily struggle to find a safe place in my thoughts - there are some very dark ideas that brew (like it'd be better if I completely disappeared).
I am thankful I found this website- my family just about convinced me I was the crazy one just because I had thoughts of my own and didn't follow the life rules and regulations they had set forth for me to follow. It saddens me that all of my accomplishments (two master's degrees, career, volunteer work) was never good enough for my family- they only chose to focus on the fact I didn't want to live the life they thought I should live.
My hope is to find solace and others who have had similar experiences- what are some tips on recovery?