My girlfriend has a guru - help
Posted by: nycupperes ()
Date: June 08, 2005 09:29PM

I've been dating this girl for the past half year and lately things were going really well. We've started to discuss our future and marriage. The problem is that she's a very privilged girl who doesn't seem to know what to do with her life right now. She's recently quit her job and now spends all her time with this "toxic" girl - I'll just call "The Guru."

This so called "Guru" is an absolute mess. She was married for 6 months, then got divorced and was in a very abusive relationship. In fact "The Guru" was fired from her job at a health club because she knocked unconcious her former boyfriend who also worked there. She hit him in the back of the head with a book.

About two months ago, I met "The Guru" for the first time. She doesn't call herself by her real name, but because she's a spiritual yoga teacher, she calls herself something like ShangraLa. She has my girlfriend who I love so much in these private small yoga classes a few times per / week. Apparently, "The Guru" seems to target the very wealthy as clientel. So, about two months ago, I was having dinner with a friend and meeting my girlfriend after. Well "The Guru" came to meet me, she ended up getting in a huge fight with my friend and said terrible things about me to my girlfriend for the next few weeks.

Well last night, I met the Guru for the second time, I've now been dating my girlfriend for close to 8 months. Well "The Guru" (that's supposed to represent good health), whips out some marajuana and starts smoking with my girlfriend. Then they start chain smoking. We'll somehow the topic of "The Guru's" days in Landmark Education came up. Apparently, she was in the organization for years and says she is no longer affiliated in any way. She just kept going on about "how you should try The Forum, otherwise you can't comment on it." Well, I got really pissed off and told her I didn't need to go take a Landmark class and that me and my girlfriend were very happy with our relationship and didn't need a cult.

Well "The Guru" went crazy, she stood up and started yelling at me at the top of her lungs and told me I didn't know what I was talking about. I've never seen someone have such an insane disporportional response. She did say she quit because she finally figured out about how many free hours were spent "volunteering." This is a girl that was so deep in Landmark that she rattled off all these courses and said she was an instructor.

When I questioned her about sleep depervation, she said Oh, no they don't do that anymore. Then I asked how long the day was and she said for 8am to 10pm. I said don't you think 14 hours without a break is a little extreme? She said, "There's a lot of material to cover and you don't want to miss anything." I also asked her about the bathroom breaks, and she has a similiar answer that "you don't want to miss anything."

Anyway, I now fear that this toxic guru, who drinks occasionally, has abusive relationships, smokes drugs and was in a cult; is having a terrible affect on our relationship. It's not fair to have my girlfriend choose between "The Guru" and me, but I don't know what to do. Now that my girlfriend is not working, she spends everyday with this toxic girl. What am I supposed to do? I'm at the point that this might really negatively affect our future together and I don't want to look like the bad guy. It's like I can't win.

I not sure of the dynamics of why "The Guru" flipped out both times she has met me, but I don't like it. I generally get along with everyone. It's obvious the guru is a misrable person, and perhaps it's just simple jealousy. When I walked in the door last night, I kissed me girlfriend on the lips and we hugged each other. Then we showed the Guru pictures of our vacation in florida. Then I gave my girlfriend a few complements in front of The Guru. Then the Guru went Landmarkian balistic. I'm not sure what to do about the situation?

Can anybody help me out here?

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My girlfriend has a guru - help
Posted by: Dynamix ()
Date: August 19, 2005 04:37PM

In regards to your girlfriend getting recruited...

There really isn't much that you can do about this situation. People still have free will and your girlfriend will make her own choice no matter what you or the guru does or says. But here's a few pointers.

Don't mention Landmark unless the Guru brings it up. As much as she looks like a Landmark loser, you don't want to look like a negative nancy. When the subject is up, remain calm and deflect the guru's attempts with logical arguments (which sounds like what you've been doing.) Of course, you can't be with your girlfriend 24-7 to sheild her from these ideas, but she will probably present you with the same arguments before she makes up her mind, so you'll get a chance to remove them.

This really could be an epic battle over your girlfriend's mind, and the last thing you want to do is give the guru more amunition by sounding like a crazy person. Don't attack the guru directly, attack Landmark instead. Attack with calm reasoning and just a pinch of sarcasm. You get to look like a good guy, and put the guru in an unflattering light at the same time. The guru will then probably hang herself with zelotry trying to convert your girlfriend.

If your girlfriend still gets sucked in at that stage... well she probably should be in the cult, and you'll need to let her experience the cruel lesson herself.

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