Hi moderator,
Could you please send me the links you gave me to read regarding the various ways in which members are coersed into joining and staying in groups? My browser did not link to them directly. Thanks!

Are you being subjected to fear tactics? What probably matters more than that is how you feel. Do you feel afraid of not following their teachings? You summed it up as: 'If I do not follow their techniques, they say I will go to another 3D place where I will learn thru suffering'. As you say, that is not as clear cut as the Christian church saying you will go to hell, so you have to infer what that means. What do you feel is meant by 'learning thru suffering' or 'being in the vortex" and does that make you feel afraid, anxious or not really bother you?

Cults seem to use flowery language or cult speak - words that only have meaning in their group which sound like one thing but mean another. And it can all be so tricky to interpret and to argue with, impossible it seems. In my case if you left my group it was said you were 'off the path' and living 'in the world'. Off the path meant not in the group and in the world just sounded like living a normal life. But we knew that this really meant something different. Off the path actually meant if not in the group you were now no longer following a spiritual path, that you were lost and were displeasing God. It was inferred that you may never regain any spirituality and that you were completely off the purpose of your life - you had really stuffed things up and there would be some kind of disasterous consequences. You were not safe anymore. Being 'in the world' meant similar things. We felt we were somehow looked after in the group and out of it we were told that we could not be protected from harmful things and that they would attack us. I believed all this completely and when I left I remember feeling a real fear and dread of what would happen to me now. I felt terrified. So all that meaning was there but hidden under words which did not sound like that.

So what meaning do you take from what your teachings say. You will know what this is. Its not what they say, its what they infer that matters. Is there a hidden meaning?
As I understood it, you are on this forum because you were feeling affected badly by some of the new age teachings - so what does that mean. What affect have they had on you in terms of how you feel and how you are restricted in your life?

Thanks for mentioning the Victor Zammits site - I havent heard of that one, so I will look it up - I enjoy reading about that stuff.

I wasn't saying we are all definitely on our own path for sure - I can't speak for anyone else and probably some people are on the same path together. But in my case I now feel that my path is an individual one. I think more could be added to what you are saying about that. Now that I have finally figured out most of what I believe and found some peace of mind after losing everything I believed before from being in the cult; I feel so much better becos I have got something to hold on to. Some beliefs that mean something to me and help me to structure my life and have some sanity and have some idea of what I am doing here. I need to have that. And the beliefs I have now are for sure the same as many other people would have - we share those beliefs. I may not share all my beliefs with one group or another but I do know what makes sense to me. Then while sharing beliefs, I am learning different things in my life which to me feels like a spiritual path. That is an individual path for me becos no one else is learning exactly the same thing at the same time in the same way as me.

I guess you could say an example would be that you and I share a belief in the afterlife as explained by NDEs. That belief can support us in some ways. At the same time we are learning different things in our life at the moment which is the definition of being on an individual path. I may find one technique useful and you might find another one useful at any given time. We can still come together and support each other in what we are doing without having to be the exact same.

When I see some of the docos about cult groups, they all look and sound the same with the same spaced out, fake peaceful smile as if nothing matters to them. But it is creepy the way they are all the same,like clones or robots. I dont like it, and yet I used to look something like that myself. Sometimes I can see this same bland, semi superior look in other groups including some new age followers and it unnerves me. It is fake. The real person with their real feelings, differences, desires and personality is repressed. If you think about it, it is not that they are enlightened - they haven't gone beyond their ego, it seems repressed, hidden under a fake smile.
I now feel we are meant to be who we really are, which is unique - no two people are exactly the same not a cult robot. I know that brings up all kinds of triggers regarding things the groups teach are very bad - like ego, desires etc, and that is another thing that has to be worked thru.

Sometimes we want to be the same as others to fit in, to be accepted. And cults reinforce the idea that you have to be exactly the same to be accepted. But that is not true. We can be who we really are and be respected by some good people without having to change ourselves.

Hi Pegasus,
Wow, you're really making me think here...

How have the teachings affected me? I was dependent on them, like I needed them, like a drug, like I would be doing my daily activities but my focus would be gone because my mind would be somewhere else, thinking about new-age stuff. Every problem or situation I had in my life, I'd rush home and constantly check to see if there was a new energy alert posted, because if it was, they were supposed to validate things. And perhaps it would validate why I was having that problem. I analyze my thoughts and feelings all the time to the point where all that thinking makes me go crazy, like I can't function. Whenever I feel a negative emotion, which is anything other than the joyful positivity new-agers promote, I go on autopilot and ask, "why am I feeling this emotion? Everyone's a mirror and we're all one, whether I like it or not, whether I want to be or not, so that person is reflecting this emotion back to me and I must move past and heal it if I am to be happy, because that is what the lightworkers and books tell me to do, because they say if I do that, I'll have this great new life with another expanded conciousness and that's where we're heading and that's supposed to make me happy." That is my automatic thinking that I can't help.

Part of me says, "I don't want to be like all those people. Their voices and writings sound like clones, robotic, and yet they say they are happy, so they must be, but I'm not, and that means maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe I am defective. Maybe I'm missing the boat here, what if they are right and I am wrong? Maybe I haven't healed myself enough. Yeah, that's it. And after I've healed yourself of negative emotions (which seems like a never-ending process), maybe I'll be free, and I'll feel the happiness they claim to have."

Except that I don't. But that doesn't seem to matter. I guess you could say that it's inferred, or stated outright in some channelings, that eventually I will, after I move through the seemingly endless negative emotions I have. "we did, and it worked for us" they say. "It may not seem like it does now, but just keep waiting... just wait... eventually it will. You want it now, that is impatience, that is bad. Patience and perseverance is good."

Which doesn't make me feel any better either. And if they switch from "a new life is coming" to "the new life is here! It's already here!" and I'm still going through the same stuff, I think, "this is it? This isn't a great life" and they say, "Being in a higher demension isn't what you thought it would be. That's the ego talking. That's expectation. You are not supposed to have that. Just go with the flow, and life will fall into place, and your feelings will turn around." Except they don't.

That is how it's affecting my life now. That's the automatic cycling that happens. I'm just trying to help you see inside my brain.

How would I feel if I chose not to ascend and went to another 3d world instead? That's a tough one. I've forgotten how to feel. Kinda numb actually. No oppinion. Let me see. It's not a gripping, terrifying fear. It's not an anxiety attack. It's something, I feel something but I can't put my finger on it. It's a "I don't want to suffer anymore, why is that the only other choice besides being an ascended master? Neither of those choices sound appealing to me but they're all I have, you say, so maybe you're right. You say you did all the work to become enlightened and you're more spiritual than me, so naturally I believe you. What would I know?"

Depressed, that's the word. I think I feel depressed, hopeless, sad. That's how I feel when they say say those things to me.

You hit the nail on the head. Those lightworkers are "on the path" and the normal people who have never heard of this stuff are "in the world." The lightworkers complain what a challenge ascension is, how hard it is to be a lightworker, how nobody understand them, how they felt different as children, and that was the reason. Because they were lightworkers, they had a mission and they knew it, they had to awaken the rest of humanity, and they say how sad it made them that humanity refused to awaken, how they were forced to accept that humanity wanted to remain asleep. And that they weren't supposed to judge, so they weren't going to, but they still kept sharing stories of ascension symptoms, complaining about how difficult their lives were becoming the more they ascended, and saying that someday, a change is coming, they could feel it, any day now, just keep holding on...

I think they're a bunch of space cadets, but that is judging them. My mind says that's bad and I do not know what the difference between having an oppinion about someone, and judging them, is. Um, What is the difference?

I stopped reading that but it's in my mind still. Let's see, how would I feel if I just didn't look at any more websites (which I'm trying not to do), left the new-age completely, and functioned in the outside world? I'd be so happy to be rid of the new-age! How liberated I would be, not to have to analyze everything! But part of me would be afraid (maybe it is fear, then?) that what they are saying is true, and if I do not analyze my thoughts and emotions, I will go back to whoever I was in the 3d world, I won't be happy. I really wasn't happy in the 3d world anyway. That's the reason why I joined the ascension movement. They made it seem so glorious. This world has wars, crimes, natural disasters, people doing things out of jealousy or anger, people are mean. But the 5D world is supposed to be one without anger and jealousy and other crap. I thought people would be nice to each other, everybody lives in harmony and gets along. At least, they make it seem that way.

I guess depression is how I feel. Depressed, sad and miserable. That is my answer. The new world isn't fun or enjoyable when you're constantly creating it yourself, analyzing your thoughts/feelings. It's not all it's cracked up to be. But the old world isn't great either.

That is the best I can do to describe what I am thinking and feeling when you ask me those questions. I hope it is good enough.

I felt lonely and misunderstood as a child, too. I'd actually never heard of a life mission/purpose until somebody told me that we were supposed to have one, long ago. I thought, "we are?" and they said, I think it was on Oprah, "your job is to figure it out, live it, be conciously aware of it, and that's why so many people are so unhappy, because they haven't found it yet." I thought, "well, now that you mention it, I'm not *completely* happy in my life. I don't have everything I want. It's not horrible but it's not excellent either. There's a few things I could tweak to make it better." That's how it all started.

Except I was happier before I even heard of a life mission, and that I was supposed to find one. It made me think too hard and analyze everything. Then they say I'm supposed to have "prosperity conciousness" or abundance. I don't have many material possessions, nor do I want any. I'm content with the little I have. But they say that deep down, I feel as though I don't deserve abundance, and if I changed my thoughts, I'd get more. Think of an area in life where you can improve, they said. Money? I don't want to be rich, but I can use a little more to live comfortably. Just a couple voice students would be nice. I don't want luxury cars or big houses or designer clothes. I never did. Just somebody to talk to for company, my little one-bedroom apartment with my angel collection on the dresser, a balcony, my books and keyboard and flute and computer, a small amount of functional clothes and furniture and a few voice students so I can have a small career, just to live comfortably so I have a little savings in my account each month. Nothing more. I don't want fancy restaurants or high-matainence relationships. Spinning classes and choral rehearsals make me perfectly happy.

But the law of attraction people say that is my ego talking, (the little self" they call it, and that spirit actually wants abundance, lots of stuff. Don't be modest, think big! Go wild! they say. You ndeserve it! I say, it's not that I feel I don't deserve it. It's not a question of deserving anything. I just don't want it. I don't like clutter. But they don't want to hear that. I hate consumerism, and so am unpopular here in the U.S. I'm a unique rarity. I like things neat and organized. The new-agers say that that means I like to control things, and that I should give up my desire for control, and I should detach from outcomes. They say control and attachment and desires are bad, and the only way I'll get what I want is to let go of attachment to outcomes.

But that doesn't make sense. Why would I want something if I already had it? If I had everything I wanted, I wouldn't be asking for anything, would I? If I didn't care about how a situation turns out, I wouldn't want a certain outcome, or a situation to have certain details, but I do care. And the new-agers say caring is bad.

What do I think about that? That's a hard one. There's always an area of my life that could be a little better, and when I don't get exactly what I asked for, they say, "it's you. You didn't do the process correctly, think the right thoughts, feel the right feelings, visualize it clearly enough. It's not instant, it takes practice, it's hard but you'll get there." Except that what they want you to do feels impossible to me. No matter how much work I do, it's always me. The law works every time, they say.

I can see what they're saying to a point. Positive brings more positive and negative brings more negative. But it's not earth-shattering, it's psychology and no spiritual law but everyone seems to think it's a law, and (how do I say this), no matter whether they say, "it works instantly" or "it takes times, effort and practice to master" they find a way of explaining how it works every time and I can't find anything to question because some stuff they say is pretty common-sense. To that, they agree and still call it the Secret. Of course if you work hard enough at something for a long-enough period of time you'll get it. Duh! That isn't shocking. The only reason I got involved in the whole law of attraction thing was because I achieved results by working and struggling all my life, and if there was an easier way, I was going to find it. Because honestly, I was tired of struggle and going through all this crap!

But there's the possibility they might be right and I could be wrong. It seems like whatever you say, they either deflect your questions or agree with you, because there's a grain of truth in everything. If you say "the Secret is easy?" they say yes. You ask if it's hard and they either say "yes" or "it depends on what you think." Sal Rachele says "the paradox is, once you do the hard work, life is easy." I hate paradoxes. Seems like they're always right and I'm always wrong.

He went to Silva Mind-Control, and I've never heard of it. What is it? I researched it but could find only glowing reviews but I don't like this "mind control" deal. Something fishy is going on with that Secret and stuff...

But the cycle begins again. "there's no definitive right and wrong" they say. Even though they have a comeback that seems to be always right on some small common-sense level. If I think there is right and wrong, my mind goes, "don't do that. That's judgment. That's bad."

If I judge, I will be in the world. And the lightworkers say to be "in the world but not of it" the way the Bible says, like a Course in Miracles. They use the Bible but in a different way than Christianity. They say it's right but it doesn't sound right to me, even though I can't find a thing wrong with their interpretation. If that makes sense.

Anyway, the thought of me living in the outside world makes me relieved, liberated, happy, but not completely happy. Which makes me unhappy.

The thought of staying in the new-age and doing all this work to be happy, makes me unhappy. But if I don't stay with the lightworkers, I might lose the possibility, the hope, that I could be completely happy one day.

How do I let go of the mirroring and detachment stuff? I don't like those beliefs, I don't want them. But if I give them up, I'm worried and (I can't think of the word. It's not terrified or fearful. Maybe a little fear) that I will never have everything I want and not be content.

Needing people... they say I'm not supposed to need anyone or get attached to anyone. That makes me feel sad, depressed, lonely. Because I do need people. For companionship and affection. We're not all one. We're all different and unique. Giving yourself companionship and affection is not the same thing as having someone else give it to you, no matter what the lightworkers say. You can still be independent and need people, I think. But when I'm the only one who feels like that in the new-age, it doesn't make me popular. Which makes me more lonely and isolates me even further.

If I need people and go out in the world, I'm afraid I'll get sucked into the "drama and trauma" thing, as new-agers call it. People on Earth now, they fight with each other, are sarcastic and mean and are not happy in relationships. They have all these problems they complain about.

The new-age relationship is supposed to be peaceful, which is why it attracted me in the first place. A world free from all those negative emotions. Sounds appealing. But being robots doesn't sound appealing, on second thought...

Then they do the bait-and-switch and say, "look! In the new world you'll still have challenges and problems and transmute negative feelings into unconditional love! Isn't that great?!" Um, I say no. I guess no matter what option you pick, you'll never be happy. You either feel negative emotions, transmute them in the new world, or be a cold, unfeeling, flaky space-cadet robot. If that's enlightenment I don't want it, but the other choices aren't thrilling either.

And the NDEs? New-agers don't have that as an option. Why live in a perfect, ideal world? they say. Who would want that? How would you learn or grow? they say. I think, "aren't you the ones who said spiritual growth was supposed to be fun? If I lived in an ideal otherworld like NDEs claim exists, what's wrong with that?" They kinda snub their noses at that, and as I see my view is not popular, it's hard to stand on my own and hold it.

So how do I feel? Depressed, hopeless, sad and lonely. Unable to function and whenever I go to the outside world, I start applying new-age concepts to everyone and everything around me, which I don't want to do, but I can't argue because there's a grain of truth in all of them. The mirroring thing thing, it's really common sense because we all feel some emotions at one time or another. Everyone feels sad. That's no reason to analyze it to death. But maybe getting rid of it will make a person happy...


It's a circle...

That is the best I can do for now. I am trying to sort it all out and learn how to feel and think for myself again. Giving permission myself to have feelings is scary. Maybe I'm afraid, after all. Maybe I'm afraid I won't have a nice, peaceful NDE like all those other people. Maybe I'm afraid that is not an option because the lightworkers look down on that. Maybe I am afraid that with my modest lifestyle, my unenlightened beliefs, the fact that I don't do any spiritual practices at all because I don't like them, and all... maybe I'm afraid of feeling that I'm not good enough to have what I want. And I'm the only who feels that way. And because I'm the only one, my choice is invallid.

Brynhild Tudor:

Click on the "Getting Help" and "Mind Control" selections on the top bar of this page.

You should then be able to find the material.

Another way it's affected me: My sleep patterns are screwed up. I used to be able to sleep 6 hours a night, regular, and felt fine. Now I only sleep 4-4 hours. They say I'm ascending, but I think, "I'm supposed to be happy with this? It makes me feel worse, not better." And they're kinda like, "oh well, that's the way it is. It'll get better soon." But it never does. Karen Bishop has that, "yay, I have a headache! I'm ascending! These ascension symptoms are like menopause! Are they ever going to be over?" The higher you go, the worse you feel, the happier you say you are, the more of a roller coaster your life is, and the less normal people understand you? That doesn't make logical sense but then again, what do I know?

The whole "you're directly/indirectly responsible for everything that happens to you in your life or in the universe" makes me feel stressed, not empowered. Like when I eat a hamburger, I'm supposed to indirectly be responsible for killing the animals, and in your life review after death, you feel the animal's pain. I am afraid and worried that's what will happen. I just want to eat the burger and not feel guilty about it. I don't support violence but I like to eat meat. The new-agers and channeled entities say, "we're certainly not going to tell you what to do and you have free will choice, but eating meat is not conducive to ascension and is not reccomended." That still makes me feel like you're telling me what to do even if you aren't. I don't want so much power that I'm responsible for everything, but I also feel I'm not a complete and total victim of everything either. The whole Dr. Phil and new-age thing of "It's not your fault but you're responsible. You're not to blame but you're responsible" makes me feel as if you're blaming me, even if you say you aren't. And I hate this "blame implies intent" thing that Dr. Phil says. Nobody conciously intends for bad things to happen, so using that logic, nobody is to blame for things. But even if you say "you're responsible" it still sounds like you're blaming the victim. And I don't like this "there are no victims only volunteers" thing either. If I could stand on my own and think for myself, I'd say I believe there are victims. You control your life to a point, but certain things just happen and you can't control those. Your responses to them, yes, but not all the time. But they say that the more spiritually evolved you are, the more black-and-white your thinking is, but then they say the more balanced you are. That doesn't make sense to me.

So rather than making me feel empowered, the new-age movement makes me feel all this other crap. I want to be okay with saying limitations are a good thing, but they say limitations are bad, and limitlessness conciousness is good. I see what they're saying, because people limit themselves and think they can't do things all the time, but limitlessness is a concept that supposedly if you have it, you'll be ascended and happy. You'll realize your limitless abilities and you'll be an ascended master and you'll control your thoughts/feelings and you'll be happy in every single situation.

I don't know how that makes me feel, I can't think of the word for it, but it's not happy. It means that no matter what happens in your life, you'll be happy, but that means the universe won't care about your prefferrences, they're not important. You prefer not to have unpleasant circumstances happen to you, but in the new world, things will just happen to you and you'll just be happy no matter what they are? No matter what?

That makes me sad. Get rid of your personality, have no preferrences or have them be so unimportant they don't matter. Nothing matters, noone cares about anything? I don't want to live in a world like that, but they say it's either that, or the world we're living in now, which I don't like either.

I looked at the site near-death.com and they talk about bliss and oneness too, so I stopped reading it. But I don't want to live in a world of oneness. We're all unique, we're not literally all one being. How boring life would be if we were all one. But I don't like the conflict in the world today either. If the new-age was here, as some people claim it is, the conflict and wars would've stopped. If it's such a slow process that it'll make decades to stop, it's not an exciting, unprecedented time in the universe, as some new-agers claim it is.

And if Abraham Hicks says this world's never gonna change I don't want that either.

Then I read NDEs on the Victor Zammit site that make sense to me, and they in the high-level spirit world, people are unique, life is vibrant and dynamic, and people get along, but it's not fake. Why can't I have that?

Limitlessness is unrealistic, that's the word. Maybe in the spirit world you have no limits, but in the physical world you do, unless you want to get really technical and split hairs about it. Yeah, I could be a gymnast. All I'd have to do is get surgery so I could see, learn how to navigate in the world with sight, and then, it'll take millennia maybe, but I'll be an Olympic gymnast.

That's what they mean by limitlessness? That's crazy. That takes too much work and time. That's not empowering at all. Not to me.

Somebody posted this on the message board on another thread. My God, the new-age that I was involved in... the mental breakdown disguised as spiritual awakening, the guilt and fear that I didn't recognize because it wasn't blatant, the love-bombing whatever that is, the promise that they have the answers and can solve your problems if you do the techniques long enough, the fulfilling of your dreams, the isolation calling normal people unenlightened, the being part of an elite group... that's, that's cult behavior. By the end of the video I could easily understand why somebody would do physical harm.

Oh no what have I done... I'm relieved and shocked and scared and numb and don't know how I should feel, all at the same time...

I am 33, an educated woman with a masters degree. I put so much time and energy into the new-age, how could I have been so stupid, I should've seen it, it should've been obvious, I thought if I studied the signs hard enough, I could be immune...

So I studied media reports of cults, watched them on TV: Jim Jones, Heaven's Gate, David Koresh, the one in Utah, all of them. They lived in isolated compounds and gave money and had leaders and a hierarchy. They said those were cult signs, so I filed them away in my brain and said that would never happen to me because I knew what they were.

But the new-age doesn't work like that at all... but the video was saying some of the exact same things I read and heard...

But it didn't seem like it at first. When I started watching it I was like, "I'd never fall for that, that's not me, I could recognize that easily." But then a lot of it had similarities to the new-age, a lot of it *was* new-age, it was so hard to see it until it was too late, the things they were doing. It was so slow you'd never realize it till it's too late...

I want to say it's a cult but I'm afraid to. It's not like Jim Jones and I'm afraid of bad karma. I'm in denial and yet the signs are so blatant now... It can't be a cult, how did I get taken? I didn't have to read those websites, nobody was forcing me, I could've just walked away and I didn't...

But when I have life situations, I want to go back and read them and I know I can't because I'll believe them even more, and I don't know how to solve problems without them...

I didn't go join a compound or move away from my family or give money. But I gave my time and energy, and have an "us" and "them" mentality now. And on top of all this, I want to live in the real world, but that means I'm not a lightworker, and while that makes me happy because it's hard and not fun, now I'm just a regular person. Which I want to be. But that means I am not spiritual. I am nobody. I want to be somebody and affect someone's life in a positive way, and I'll never do that now.

I don't know what I'm feeling, it's all confussion, now I am sad. Because I am nobody special. I'd hoped that being a lightworker would explain why I was lonely and misunderstood, felt that way since I was little. But I am still lonely, no matter where I go. It never goes away. It doesn't help when people blame me for it by asking what I am doing to contribute to it. I do activities all the time, go to cycling classes and music lessons. But people just ignore me as if I'm not there. They only see my disability, and the only conversations are ones that involve it, even when I try to steer it somewhere else. The only people I get along with and actually like are my teachers. It's always been that way. I love it, but nobody else gets along with instructors, they see them strictly as a professional relationship and I don't. I have funny beliefs about things, a bit unconventional. Always have. My family said if I'm in the minority, I have to start wondering if there's something wrong with me. And the kids would call me a teacher's pet through high school, even when the instructors were lining up to write me reccomendations. It doesn't make one very popular. But I never liked kids my age. All my life, I always got along with people who were older than I was. I had a lot of mental/emotional/psychological abuse done to me by my family growing up (my siblings were like 2 peas in a pod, and I wasn't interested in their activities, so was left out.) My dad was a military guy who believed in corporal punishment, and by today's standards I could easily say I came from a physically abusive family, even though they'd never admit it, because to them it's how to raise kids since that's how they were raised. And the church, the state social workers (when you're disabled you get a lot of state help, most of which I did not want but had to have, and they even got involved in my personal life, which I didn't want except if I liked them. One of them even made me tell her the first time I menstruated. My family didn't know any better, they thought she cared about me, and did not see it as overstepping boundaries) controlled everything, from the way I acted, taught me how to eat properly, demonized me for asking for help or needing people unless they felt it necessary (never when I felt it necessary), and everything.

I was mainstreamed all my life, by the way, but still felt different from the other kids and questioned authority, which is why I got the brunt of physical abuse from Dad. The state made me go to special summer programs to integrate me into the sighted world though. Special education meetings for me, too. And in my yearbook, my vission teacher wrote, "I know I've made a lot of changes in you, but they've been for the better." I'll never forget that. It hurt a lot. But I was never allowed to question anything, and when I did, I was always wrong. Even now, when I finally stood up for myself and told my vocational counselor I was going to live my life my own way and to close my case, she was not happy because I did not accept her help that she felt I needed. So I don't even get positive feedback for standing up for myself. And I don't want to be controlled either. What do you want me to do??? I will do anything, just tell me please, and I'll do it.

Then 5 years ago I was depressed cause I had no job after grad school, and I don't know how I got referred to Karen Bishop's site but I did, and it said don't worry, there's a reason for your circumstances, the energies haven't lined up yet, things will happen, just wait. And everything in my life after that, no matter how inconsequential, I took as a sign or a lesson, thought maybe I was a lightworker even though I'd never heard the term before, and thought maybe if I gave myself the right label, it would explain everything, and the world of love and peace and harmony would come, and it hasn't yet, but they keep stringing you along, giving you hope.

Then came the other new-age sites, the internet searches for channelings, the entities, the "destroy your personality" thing which I didn't want to do but thought I had to do, the self-improvement which never ends and makes me feel worse...

I have these 2 great cycling instructors that I feel very close with. A few weeks ago, I had a dream. I dreamed I was in a new-age conferrence, and I was feeling this horrible energy, this darkness, not the unknown but more like a black hole, an abyss that I couldn't get out of. And I turned to the woman next to me and noticed my cycling teachers were standing outside the door, and I said, "I want to go to them. I want to see them and be with them." and she said, "No, just wait another five minutes. Just stay a little longer, you'll find this next new-age speaker so funny you'll laugh." I said I didn't want to and she wouldn't let me leave. She did not touch me, but I just got the feeling I couldn't leave, that this darkness was holding me there. Then I woke up, and all of a sudden I knew how messed-up my life was. Like I hit rock bottom, like, "Oh crap, what do I do now? I can't do this, I'm in way too deep" thing.

That is how I came here.


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Hi Brynhild
I just wanted to say that you are not alone with this and I hope you can just bear with all this because you will find your way thru it. i think it is great that you could see those similarities between the other cults and the new age stuff - that is a step in the right direction for sure. But that is also a huge shock to realise that what you followed may not be what you thought it was. I felt betrayed and angry and very confused when I had that moment of realising that my group fitted the same as those 'cults'. It was very traumatic for me becos this was what I held onto, what gave me hope and security. If that one thing I had (my teachings) were now the absolute opposite of what I thought, what could I now believe in? To say something really important to you that you think is the truth, is now actually false and dangerous, is just a massive shock to the mind. I was just stunned, in shock when I realised this. Very upsetting.

Also I felt the same way you mention about being special. In my group we were told we were special becos we were following these 'special' teachings - like chosen ones really. Then you lose that feeling of specialness when you realise the group is not the truth. So who am I? The groups also brainwash you to believe that to be ordinary or normal is really inferior - like its nothing. So now you feel like you are nothing. But that is not true. We are all special. That took me quite a while of adjustment to start to believe - that we can be special just as we are. I had to overcome the groups brainwashing to even consider that. I used to be so angry and say - I dont want to be ordinary, I dont want to be in this world etc and I didnt realise that that was the brainwashing talking. I just felt so different and alone and helpless.

I think the forums/internet is great in that it takes away any biases people have. We can just relate naturally and dont have to consider how we will be looked at or perceived based on anything other than what we have to say - who we really are.
We wont be judged here based on our age, how we look or disabilities. To me you are just an interesting and intelligent person who I relate to which is as it ideally should be.

I hope you can have a glimmer of hope that you will find what you are looking for and it doesnt have to be in a cult like situation.

Hi Pegasus,
Part of me wants to believe so much that it's a cult, but another part of me believes these channelings. I know it's awful, and feel so confused. So what I decided to do was to post a channeling I read, and put my thoughts in parenthesis as I read each idea. They're all like this and if the majority of people believe something, I was taught to believe it's true. I can't find the methods of mind control used either. But if somebody can spot them and give me some insight, it will help me sort it out. So here goes:

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/29/2010 08:53PM by rrmoderator.

Hi Brynhild
I found it very difficult to see the contradicions in the cult i was in. Because we are also brainwashed to believe the group it is just doubly hard to analyse it objectively. But I understand you have to do it. Perhaps also try to work on what you think and feel in your gut, or when you feel something is fishy, that sort of thing. If you sense something is not right you are most likely right even if you cant put your finger on it. As well as analysing maybe try to listen to what you are saying inside if you can.

pegasus

new age can very well be considered a cult.


In the sense they are using thought control through very manipulative "peace seeking" teachings. They really strip believers of their critical thinking abilities. "Don't focus on reality" is what they preach...focus on your thoughts and inner peace. Yet what does that do? It's makes you passive and subject to anything thrown at you. You start to train yourself to accept everything instead of question. All of the brainwashing is ultimately going to make you less likely to spot a scam.


If you are recovering from new age focus on reality and the world around you.
Immerse youself in the real world. Get out there and do stuff, be active and be around people.
New age strips all sense of reality.