I go to interfaith churches now. I strongly believe in God but not an elite group. I believe God loves the good in all people.

If you were in a pseudo Christian group or Bible-based group, you might want to consider going to a church totally opposite in style from the group you were involved in. My husband and I were in a Bible-based cult that tried to recreate first century Christianity. They met in homes for Bible studies and observed all of the Jewish feasts/fasts. It took a while, but we are now a part of a liturgical denomination, the Episcopal church. For most of us, church is very triggering. I recommend sitting at the back of the church and remember, you are free to leave at any time. It's ok not to fill out the visitor card. It's ok to maintain boundaries and build trust as it is merited.

be safe.

I appreciate your efforts and courage to fit into a church with a different style after your experience. It was very hard to do myself. It has been an unexpected and slow process. I deconverted from Christianity and embraced psychology some but I returned to Christianity with an interfaith focus although still conservative. I do not embrace the traditional Christianity. The interfaith churches are very different than what I have experienced. I am appropiately criticial of doctrine but I do not argue it. I never did argue but I used to be heavily conflicted. I accept that everyone is free to believe what they wish and we are free in those churches to come to our own conclusions on many matters and I have not conflict with that. I accept a casual connection to the churches but my own beliefs and emotions about life and purpose hold more weight and are more important. It was very hard to get out of the mindset of being told what to believe.

I was told in the cult church that I wasn't allowed to leave and I owed them. I know what you mean about that.

Another church I did not join got angry when I did not fill out the visitor card. That was in Sea Isle City somewhere. I felt terrible when the pastor noticed that I shook my head about accepting the form to fill out and he started getting angry and say "we don't just let anyone in here off the street". It was a small room I was in and not many people so he noticed the interaction I had with his church member.

I now only want a casual connection to the church. My relationship with Jesus and others is deeper than what I think of my connection to the church. I have one church I will join but since it is not close by after I marry, my future husband and I will attend less often and I am fine with that.

Church is the only place where it seems to recreate a family kind of closeness. Of shared beliefs, goals, love and it is very triggering. The potential of being manipulated when you are vulnerable, young, idealistic is great I now realize. I am thankful that I have been able to develop healthy boundaries although I still have Generalized Anxiety Disorder it seems.

Becoming part of a church is EXTREMELY difficult. We were lucky to find a laid-back, no pressure, church after we left our cult. It helped a lot in the healing process. I really had a need to worship God - something I had lost in the cult. We went to a liturgical church where the worship is laid out for you and I was able to begin to reconnect with God. Many times though something would trigger me and before I knew it, tears would be trickling down my face. I was embarrassed, but no one tried to do any touchy feeling stuff with me so I gradually was desensitized to the triggers.

I am much more sensitive to manipulation and spiritual abuse after my cult experience. Someone recently challenged a personal decision I made recently with the "What would Jesus do" question. I think if you want to ask that question to yourself, that's fine, but when you ask someone else, like me, it feels very manipulative. I am trying to develop healthy boundaries too.

My husband and I started a support group for former members of cults and spiritually abusive groups. I am amazed at the number of people who have had similar experiences. If you are in the Dallas area, you are welcome to come.

I have returned to the church of my childhood, Roman Catholic, which is dangerous because there are a lot of little cults inside that big umbrella, (especially among the retreat groups) but I have found a solid traditional Latin Mass and that has a lot of cult-protection built in. Traditional Catholics are not big on huggie-feely stuff.

The old Liturgy is not designed to affect emotions, in fact you have to work at participating. (The old tradition does not include the "sign of peace", for example, which the new Mass has imported from Protestant denominations) So it doesn't overwhelm with some of the cultic elements that can crop up in liturgies that are made up by modern people who may have their own agendas.

The present Pope has emphasized that this old Mass is legitimate and so there is no need to seek out one of the odd little groups that exist on the fringe of the Church claiming to have the sole Truth about this. (Some of them are cultic.)

I only recently became brave enough to enroll in a prayer group. My first effort at rejoing the Church was a disaster. I had enrolled in a Catechism class that turned out to be a total personality cult of a real nut-job. I got into such a knock-down drag-out fight over it that the Priest had to use a sermon to call off the lynch mob since this guy had quietly built himself a following and he was using them to block "conventional" Catholics from returning to the Church. (all us chickens who got caught up in the sixties cults are coming home to roost, now, *LOL*)

But this time everything is more peaceful. I watched the prayer group leader carefully for the first few classes and I noticed that he does not veer from the material in the books and our prayer is structured. (we study a certain Saint, read the relevant assigned portions of the Bible and the Catechism, and recite the set of prayers together for about ten minutes at the close of the hour-long class. No leader-guru games, etc. Very safe.) I looked into his background and he is a former policeman who went into ministry, and I noticed he does not push people to relate to each other.

I think this is a good method for many people: seek out a recognized Church that is related somehow to your natural heritage, and look for accountable structure and non-manipulative leadership in any activity you decide to join.

Fool us once....

Most of the former cult members I know are very apprehensive about churches. I think that if spirituality and/or a relationship with God was important to you pre-cult, then it is still important and can be a huge part of your healing. But, a church and its members need to be safe.

After our Bible-based cult experience, my husband decided that we were going to stay within the confines of a denomination because most of them have some system of accountability. We ended up in an Episcopal church. I love the fact that the liturgy is the same and unlike most evangelical services, it is not designed to play on one's emotions. I can't stand feeling manipulated!