Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
pegasus
()
Date: December 17, 2008 09:01AM
Hi everyone
I was involved with a guru led group/cult for a number of years from my late teens. The group had strict rules about how to live and their form of prayer/meditation and so called service based activites dominated my time. It was considered spiritually bad to associate with anyone outside the group and also extremely detrimental to leave the group and stop following their version of spirituality.
Altho I no longer do their activities which I now feel are unhealthy, I suffer often from fear that I will stuff things up spiritually speaking and that there will be terrible conseqences or that I will have awful regret at the end of my life. I tend to ignore this and focus on work/ relationships etc, however the fear keeps returning and its hard for me to feel ok about choosing my own direction for my life.
Im interested in hearing from others who have had a similar problem when they left their cult
thanks
pegasus
I was involved with a guru led group/cult for a number of years from my late teens. The group had strict rules about how to live and their form of prayer/meditation and so called service based activites dominated my time. It was considered spiritually bad to associate with anyone outside the group and also extremely detrimental to leave the group and stop following their version of spirituality.
Altho I no longer do their activities which I now feel are unhealthy, I suffer often from fear that I will stuff things up spiritually speaking and that there will be terrible conseqences or that I will have awful regret at the end of my life. I tend to ignore this and focus on work/ relationships etc, however the fear keeps returning and its hard for me to feel ok about choosing my own direction for my life.
Im interested in hearing from others who have had a similar problem when they left their cult
thanks
pegasus
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
Sallie
()
Date: December 19, 2008 02:01AM
After I left a cult I had the same anxiety. There was a sub conscious believe that ''maybe god is mad at me''.
This is the fear that could draw you into another cult. Cults tend to give rituals or practices that the follower believes will appease god. I was never able to find rest until I put my faith in a spiritual belief that doesn't require any ''works''. I have a faith but, it is not a religion. There are no practices or rituals or requirements...just a sincere belief that all men are Created equal...
This is the fear that could draw you into another cult. Cults tend to give rituals or practices that the follower believes will appease god. I was never able to find rest until I put my faith in a spiritual belief that doesn't require any ''works''. I have a faith but, it is not a religion. There are no practices or rituals or requirements...just a sincere belief that all men are Created equal...
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
pegasus
()
Date: December 19, 2008 08:11AM
Hi Sallie
Thanks for your reply. You said that cults give practices that they believe will appease God. I hadnt thought about it like that before, but I guess that is true. Certain practices were crucial or else things would be very bad after death. I understood it as a belief that I will go backwards spiritually speaking which would mean basically more suffering/bad things would happen to me if I dont follow the groups rules. Sometimes it was put that God didnt want to punish us but He had no choice - there are rules etc and He cant break them(and poor God for having to hurt us when he doesnt want to).
I have come to a similar conclusion as you in that I can see I need to change to a new belief in order to find peace within myself. I do believe now that living in a fearful or anxious way can not be of God/spiritual and that tells me that I am making a mistake to fear stuffing things up spiritually. However, I have not quite got to the next point as you have where you realise no requirements are necessary. Im afraid I wouldnt do anything if I believed that and may become an 'ordinary' person who becomes ignorant and unspiritual/selfish etc (altho I hate the judgement in that approach; as if some people are better than others). That of course is another belief from my exgroup.
It will take some more analysis and thought for me to get clearer on this I think.
I wondered if once you had your new insights/faith you slipped back into the old fearful thought habits very often? I find I need to read over my new thought processes in my journal as it is such a habit for me to have these semi-conscious fears in my mind
pegasus
Thanks for your reply. You said that cults give practices that they believe will appease God. I hadnt thought about it like that before, but I guess that is true. Certain practices were crucial or else things would be very bad after death. I understood it as a belief that I will go backwards spiritually speaking which would mean basically more suffering/bad things would happen to me if I dont follow the groups rules. Sometimes it was put that God didnt want to punish us but He had no choice - there are rules etc and He cant break them(and poor God for having to hurt us when he doesnt want to).
I have come to a similar conclusion as you in that I can see I need to change to a new belief in order to find peace within myself. I do believe now that living in a fearful or anxious way can not be of God/spiritual and that tells me that I am making a mistake to fear stuffing things up spiritually. However, I have not quite got to the next point as you have where you realise no requirements are necessary. Im afraid I wouldnt do anything if I believed that and may become an 'ordinary' person who becomes ignorant and unspiritual/selfish etc (altho I hate the judgement in that approach; as if some people are better than others). That of course is another belief from my exgroup.
It will take some more analysis and thought for me to get clearer on this I think.
I wondered if once you had your new insights/faith you slipped back into the old fearful thought habits very often? I find I need to read over my new thought processes in my journal as it is such a habit for me to have these semi-conscious fears in my mind
pegasus
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
watching4amorc
()
Date: December 19, 2008 09:32AM
"their form of prayer/meditation and so called service based activites dominated my time"
There is a good (more than one)Interview on the Internet by Madeleine Tobias
[video.google.com]#
She explain that the healing process takes time. It is very hard but also very important to separate the things that was good in the cultic practice and those things that was simply part of the mind control practice.
This is a great starting point for any one that one to earn their mental freedom from their ex-cult. AMORC has the same negative effect on my life and I am still struggling to free myself from their grips
There is a good (more than one)Interview on the Internet by Madeleine Tobias
[video.google.com]#
She explain that the healing process takes time. It is very hard but also very important to separate the things that was good in the cultic practice and those things that was simply part of the mind control practice.
This is a great starting point for any one that one to earn their mental freedom from their ex-cult. AMORC has the same negative effect on my life and I am still struggling to free myself from their grips
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
tsukimoto
()
Date: December 19, 2008 11:24PM
For many years, I was a member of the Soka Gakkai International (SGI), a Japanese Buddhist cult. Our leaders encouraged the same mindset -- that spending a lot of time chanting and devoting yourself to the organization and its activities created 'good karma' for you. We were also taught that leaving or criticizing the organization would create bad karma.
Why and how did I come to believe this? I'm trying to understand that now. I'm educated, I'm considered intelligent, I am a writer, so I KNOW how people can use words to influence and manipulate. I've been trained to do that myself! WHY was I so influenced by these people?
Well, I liked many of the members and leaders. They seemed normal -- kind, friendly, smart, idealistic, had good jobs, seemed liked and respected by those around them; nobody seemed like a kook or a misfit. They were very positive; I was in a negative place in my life, and I wanted to be more optimistic. I felt like a victim, and I wanted to be pro-active, like they seemed to be. THEY all said that the organization was the only Buddhist group teaching Buddhism correctly. They contributed a great deal of money and time to SGI -- and they talked about how things were getting better in their lives -- how they were resolving job, family, health and financial problems. They gave SGI credit for all the good things they'd achieved. If you hear this kind of thing over and over again for years -- from people that you like and respect -- it just sinks in, whether you intend for it to, or not.
We also heard, over and over, that people who left or criticized SGI were misguided at best and traitors, at worst. When I began to question, and disagree with certain organizational policies, I began to feel anxious and confused. Was I wrong, or were these people that I'd liked and trusted for years? I began reading new information on other websites and talking to people who had different viewpoints. I felt terrible anxiety about doing this, like I was betraying my friends -- and setting myself up for terrible things to happen to me. Yet once I started, I couldn't stop questioning and looking for new information.
Eventually, I realized that my anxiety was a sign that SGI is teaching some bad things -- a person should not have to be afraid to listen to a different opinion! This website has also helped -- I really got to see just how these different groups are all using the same tactics -- whether a cult is based on Christianity, Paganism, Buddhism, Yoga, or something else -- so many of them say "We're the only way to salvation or enlightenment, and if you don't stay with us, something terrible will happen to you!" Well, they ALL can't be right! I began reading about these other cults, and thinking, "Man, different lyrics, same melody!" And if you study the Bible, the Koran, the teachings of the Buddha --- do ANY of them say that you have to devote yourself to one group, priest, minister, iman, rabbi, yogi, or lay leader? No! In fact, they caution readers about false prophets!
I still sometimes worry that bad things will happen to me because I've left SGI -- though I worry less than I used to. It takes time to change habits of thinking -- but it can be done. It helps to remind myself that even the most dedicated SGI members are not immune to disaster. One of our leaders died on 9/11; he was on a plane that crashed into the World Trade Center. Other members have suffered serious, debilitating health issues and deaths in the family. Their devotion to SGI did not prevent this -- and why does anyone think that it would? One of the very basic teachings of Buddhism, is that life is suffering -- no matter who you are, you will experience sickness, old age, death and loss. Religion simply isn't a good luck charm to ward off trouble. It would be nice if it were!
I think that this is how cults get ahold of us and manipulate us -- they play upon our natural desire to avoid uncertainty and suffering; they promise us that if we do what they tell us to, we can have some control over our lives. I just have to keep reminding myself that good things and bad things happen to everyone, no matter who they are or what their religion.
Some people on the Byron Katie/Eckhard Tolle thread were talking about using humor and imagery to change habits of thinking. Once, I was going with some other SGI members to see a live videocast of Daisaku Ikeda's speech -- Ikeda is the much-deified president of the SGI organization. Some members literally believe that they will not attain enlightenment if they don't accept him as a mentor -- sort of like a Japanese Buddhist Jesus Christ! Anyway, I'm in the car and the tune "We're Off to See the Wizard," from the "Wizard of Oz" just came into my head! That was a big turning point for me! I really began to see Ikeda as like the Wizard of Oz -- just some ordinary joe who projected this fake and awe-inspiring image of himself -- and got people to believe it! Wise man, that Frank Baum....but I'm not going to worship him either!
Why and how did I come to believe this? I'm trying to understand that now. I'm educated, I'm considered intelligent, I am a writer, so I KNOW how people can use words to influence and manipulate. I've been trained to do that myself! WHY was I so influenced by these people?
Well, I liked many of the members and leaders. They seemed normal -- kind, friendly, smart, idealistic, had good jobs, seemed liked and respected by those around them; nobody seemed like a kook or a misfit. They were very positive; I was in a negative place in my life, and I wanted to be more optimistic. I felt like a victim, and I wanted to be pro-active, like they seemed to be. THEY all said that the organization was the only Buddhist group teaching Buddhism correctly. They contributed a great deal of money and time to SGI -- and they talked about how things were getting better in their lives -- how they were resolving job, family, health and financial problems. They gave SGI credit for all the good things they'd achieved. If you hear this kind of thing over and over again for years -- from people that you like and respect -- it just sinks in, whether you intend for it to, or not.
We also heard, over and over, that people who left or criticized SGI were misguided at best and traitors, at worst. When I began to question, and disagree with certain organizational policies, I began to feel anxious and confused. Was I wrong, or were these people that I'd liked and trusted for years? I began reading new information on other websites and talking to people who had different viewpoints. I felt terrible anxiety about doing this, like I was betraying my friends -- and setting myself up for terrible things to happen to me. Yet once I started, I couldn't stop questioning and looking for new information.
Eventually, I realized that my anxiety was a sign that SGI is teaching some bad things -- a person should not have to be afraid to listen to a different opinion! This website has also helped -- I really got to see just how these different groups are all using the same tactics -- whether a cult is based on Christianity, Paganism, Buddhism, Yoga, or something else -- so many of them say "We're the only way to salvation or enlightenment, and if you don't stay with us, something terrible will happen to you!" Well, they ALL can't be right! I began reading about these other cults, and thinking, "Man, different lyrics, same melody!" And if you study the Bible, the Koran, the teachings of the Buddha --- do ANY of them say that you have to devote yourself to one group, priest, minister, iman, rabbi, yogi, or lay leader? No! In fact, they caution readers about false prophets!
I still sometimes worry that bad things will happen to me because I've left SGI -- though I worry less than I used to. It takes time to change habits of thinking -- but it can be done. It helps to remind myself that even the most dedicated SGI members are not immune to disaster. One of our leaders died on 9/11; he was on a plane that crashed into the World Trade Center. Other members have suffered serious, debilitating health issues and deaths in the family. Their devotion to SGI did not prevent this -- and why does anyone think that it would? One of the very basic teachings of Buddhism, is that life is suffering -- no matter who you are, you will experience sickness, old age, death and loss. Religion simply isn't a good luck charm to ward off trouble. It would be nice if it were!
I think that this is how cults get ahold of us and manipulate us -- they play upon our natural desire to avoid uncertainty and suffering; they promise us that if we do what they tell us to, we can have some control over our lives. I just have to keep reminding myself that good things and bad things happen to everyone, no matter who they are or what their religion.
Some people on the Byron Katie/Eckhard Tolle thread were talking about using humor and imagery to change habits of thinking. Once, I was going with some other SGI members to see a live videocast of Daisaku Ikeda's speech -- Ikeda is the much-deified president of the SGI organization. Some members literally believe that they will not attain enlightenment if they don't accept him as a mentor -- sort of like a Japanese Buddhist Jesus Christ! Anyway, I'm in the car and the tune "We're Off to See the Wizard," from the "Wizard of Oz" just came into my head! That was a big turning point for me! I really began to see Ikeda as like the Wizard of Oz -- just some ordinary joe who projected this fake and awe-inspiring image of himself -- and got people to believe it! Wise man, that Frank Baum....but I'm not going to worship him either!
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
Sallie
()
Date: December 21, 2008 10:04AM
Pegasus,
For me it was a matter of fighting fire with fire. Or maybe...fighting words with words. What I mean is..the cult that ruined me began as a group of charismatics and then they started practicing Judaism. The leader of course put his own perverse slant on things. But he used the Bible. He quoted it. In fact when you mentioned ''going spiritually backwards'' I thought of ''backsliding''. I heard that too about ""god having to punish you. '' And ''better than'' ....they always had to be ''better than'' someone in order to be considered worth while.
For years I would not go near a Bible. Then I decided to read it for myself and what was sooooo cool was that I opened up to the end you know...before Revelation(our cult leader preached a lot out of Revelation so I wouldn't go near that) but...I read some of the books before that. What were they? They were letters warning people about false teachers and false preachers and people who make up traditions and rituals and call it godliness.
It was like..the very book that the pedaphile cult leader was using to control people, was the very book that warned about people like him. I had to really begin letting myself see him as a bad man. It was the only way I could shake off his bad teachings.
Am I making sense?
Realising there are no requirements necessary for spiritual closeness to God...the Pastor I see now gave me Bible quotes for that. I can't really preach on this board but maybe I can give one quote...it's ''by grace are you saved through faith...it is the gift of God..not of works..lest any man should boast''. Hope I didn't over step.
Anyhow...that fear of being 'ordinary'. OMG.....!!! I know just what you mean. It was like 'ordinary' somehow meant cut off and alienated from god.
It's not true. Ordinary is good. I have a ton of Bible quotes for that one.
So that's how I helped myself. I found the hypocrisy and the lies they were preaching...just by reading it for myself.
There is actually a passage that says ''.....you need not that any man should teach you....."
About fear...there's a passage ''God did not give us a spirit of fear''....
I tell you there are tons of passages about false teachers and the fact that faith is enough...
I am kind of assuming here that your cult leaders used a Bible.
Maybe they didn't. Maybe it was other books. But I would not doubt that if you do the same thing..just read the books or material or whatever they were using...just try to research it for yourself and see if you can't find the hypocrisy and lies of the leaders.
For me it was a matter of fighting fire with fire. Or maybe...fighting words with words. What I mean is..the cult that ruined me began as a group of charismatics and then they started practicing Judaism. The leader of course put his own perverse slant on things. But he used the Bible. He quoted it. In fact when you mentioned ''going spiritually backwards'' I thought of ''backsliding''. I heard that too about ""god having to punish you. '' And ''better than'' ....they always had to be ''better than'' someone in order to be considered worth while.
For years I would not go near a Bible. Then I decided to read it for myself and what was sooooo cool was that I opened up to the end you know...before Revelation(our cult leader preached a lot out of Revelation so I wouldn't go near that) but...I read some of the books before that. What were they? They were letters warning people about false teachers and false preachers and people who make up traditions and rituals and call it godliness.
It was like..the very book that the pedaphile cult leader was using to control people, was the very book that warned about people like him. I had to really begin letting myself see him as a bad man. It was the only way I could shake off his bad teachings.
Am I making sense?
Realising there are no requirements necessary for spiritual closeness to God...the Pastor I see now gave me Bible quotes for that. I can't really preach on this board but maybe I can give one quote...it's ''by grace are you saved through faith...it is the gift of God..not of works..lest any man should boast''. Hope I didn't over step.
Anyhow...that fear of being 'ordinary'. OMG.....!!! I know just what you mean. It was like 'ordinary' somehow meant cut off and alienated from god.
It's not true. Ordinary is good. I have a ton of Bible quotes for that one.
So that's how I helped myself. I found the hypocrisy and the lies they were preaching...just by reading it for myself.
There is actually a passage that says ''.....you need not that any man should teach you....."
About fear...there's a passage ''God did not give us a spirit of fear''....
I tell you there are tons of passages about false teachers and the fact that faith is enough...
I am kind of assuming here that your cult leaders used a Bible.
Maybe they didn't. Maybe it was other books. But I would not doubt that if you do the same thing..just read the books or material or whatever they were using...just try to research it for yourself and see if you can't find the hypocrisy and lies of the leaders.
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
pegasus
()
Date: December 23, 2008 11:44AM
Hi everyone
I have found all the replies on this thread very interesting and helpful, thanks sallie, tsukimoto and watching4amorc. Best wishes to all over Christmas and I hope to continue reply in more detail when some of the Christmas busyness is over,
Cheers
pegasus
I have found all the replies on this thread very interesting and helpful, thanks sallie, tsukimoto and watching4amorc. Best wishes to all over Christmas and I hope to continue reply in more detail when some of the Christmas busyness is over,
Cheers
pegasus
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
pegasus
()
Date: December 30, 2008 07:59AM
I have been thinking about disputing my cultic beliefs and separating the good from bad in what I absorbed from my group. I would say that I am pretty good at identifying what I am feeling and thinking and needing; I can observe myself fairly well, so you would think that would be an advantage in this introspective process.
However today I am noticing something unexpected: I feel as if there are two levels I operate on. My usual daily tasks and relationships, work etc where I can observe myself and take action accordingly would be the first level. But now I realise its as if there is another level underneath that which I feel ashamed of and feel it is a secret. Those feelings/thoughts affect me all the time by making me want to get away from life and find comfort, maybe by eating or reading, watching tv or sleeping. I am trying to avoid life, get out of it somehow. But this is a subtle thing, I like to look as if I am just like everyone else and I do appear to succeed with things and get things done however I have this shameful secret that I am motivated more than I like to think by thoughts that are hard to pin down.
For so many years I developed the habit of avoiding life and doing my groups practices. Now I dont have any practices to do but I still have the habit of avoiding life. I just cant make myself fully engage and take part. Today this means that while I would like to talk to a friend today, I dont want to contact him; I also dont want to do my work tasks or home tasks. I cant really get stuck into anything. I used to be able to precult, but now I think of things to do and then I dont do them. I sit on the couch and feel anxious and unsure. I wish I could force myself to be fully into things, but at the same time something in me is screaming 'No, you mustn't do that!'
What do I fear would happen if I did engage fully with life and dropped the habit of being in two worlds?
I fear I would be ordinary (as I have already said)
I think I would be lost, completely lost forever - stuck in the illusions of this world as the normal people are
(God, what I am writing sounds crazy, but I feel I must try to see what it is that is unconsciously affecting me so much)
I am seeing normal people as being caught up / attached to the things of the world and not aware of spirituality. I am afraid if I engage with tasks in the world or people too much, I will also become attached and never get out of it. I will be going backwards spiritually.
My cult life has meant that I have really developed a habit of moving away from the world in my mind somehow. I thought that Life, real life or the truth is found in prayers / meditations only. It just seems that anything that is not something my cult endorsed is wrong somehow and I feel ashamed to say that that means most things are wrong.
Eg, going for a walk seems wrong unless I was praying or chanting while I wallked. Just walking or looking around would be wrong because I might start to become attached to the world somehow. Ditto for cooking, shopping, talking to people, everything.
It seems I have some ridiculous belief that the world isnt real and to do things in it would be to make it real which would be a terrible mistake. What is real then? I dont really know; some kind of spiritual ideal in which we are supposed to see oneness, enlightenment, God etc all the time. Which we are supposed to find thru avoiding the worldly things and meditating etc
What a muddle of belief systems I have. I feel ashamed to still be struggling with this stuff - I guess I pushed it away so often, and got on with doing things; but it keeps coming back and troubling me so much.
Also, its not just my cult that is the trouble. After leaving I tried to find out what was true spiritually and I tried other groups incl Tolle, Course in miracles etc. The thing is these groups also had the belief that life somehow is not real and you have to be - in Tolles case 'present' all the time - or doing something more than just living life in your own way/being a normal person. So I concluded that true spirituality is doing things that are not worldly.
Having this forum is good because it means I am making the effort to put this out there and make it clearer for myself and it helps hugely to get you guys' responses. As you said Tsukimoto, I also considered myself intelligent etc, but I guess I am not as clever as I thought!
Help!!
However today I am noticing something unexpected: I feel as if there are two levels I operate on. My usual daily tasks and relationships, work etc where I can observe myself and take action accordingly would be the first level. But now I realise its as if there is another level underneath that which I feel ashamed of and feel it is a secret. Those feelings/thoughts affect me all the time by making me want to get away from life and find comfort, maybe by eating or reading, watching tv or sleeping. I am trying to avoid life, get out of it somehow. But this is a subtle thing, I like to look as if I am just like everyone else and I do appear to succeed with things and get things done however I have this shameful secret that I am motivated more than I like to think by thoughts that are hard to pin down.
For so many years I developed the habit of avoiding life and doing my groups practices. Now I dont have any practices to do but I still have the habit of avoiding life. I just cant make myself fully engage and take part. Today this means that while I would like to talk to a friend today, I dont want to contact him; I also dont want to do my work tasks or home tasks. I cant really get stuck into anything. I used to be able to precult, but now I think of things to do and then I dont do them. I sit on the couch and feel anxious and unsure. I wish I could force myself to be fully into things, but at the same time something in me is screaming 'No, you mustn't do that!'
What do I fear would happen if I did engage fully with life and dropped the habit of being in two worlds?
I fear I would be ordinary (as I have already said)
I think I would be lost, completely lost forever - stuck in the illusions of this world as the normal people are
(God, what I am writing sounds crazy, but I feel I must try to see what it is that is unconsciously affecting me so much)
I am seeing normal people as being caught up / attached to the things of the world and not aware of spirituality. I am afraid if I engage with tasks in the world or people too much, I will also become attached and never get out of it. I will be going backwards spiritually.
My cult life has meant that I have really developed a habit of moving away from the world in my mind somehow. I thought that Life, real life or the truth is found in prayers / meditations only. It just seems that anything that is not something my cult endorsed is wrong somehow and I feel ashamed to say that that means most things are wrong.
Eg, going for a walk seems wrong unless I was praying or chanting while I wallked. Just walking or looking around would be wrong because I might start to become attached to the world somehow. Ditto for cooking, shopping, talking to people, everything.
It seems I have some ridiculous belief that the world isnt real and to do things in it would be to make it real which would be a terrible mistake. What is real then? I dont really know; some kind of spiritual ideal in which we are supposed to see oneness, enlightenment, God etc all the time. Which we are supposed to find thru avoiding the worldly things and meditating etc
What a muddle of belief systems I have. I feel ashamed to still be struggling with this stuff - I guess I pushed it away so often, and got on with doing things; but it keeps coming back and troubling me so much.
Also, its not just my cult that is the trouble. After leaving I tried to find out what was true spiritually and I tried other groups incl Tolle, Course in miracles etc. The thing is these groups also had the belief that life somehow is not real and you have to be - in Tolles case 'present' all the time - or doing something more than just living life in your own way/being a normal person. So I concluded that true spirituality is doing things that are not worldly.
Having this forum is good because it means I am making the effort to put this out there and make it clearer for myself and it helps hugely to get you guys' responses. As you said Tsukimoto, I also considered myself intelligent etc, but I guess I am not as clever as I thought!
Help!!
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
Keir
()
Date: January 06, 2009 08:24AM
Understanding is the first step. Fear is one of the strongest emotions of man. In particular self preservation (which is encoded by nature to our DNA). Cults will try to implant fear into your subconcious mind. Because its in your subconcious its hard to detect. But the good news is that people can deprogram the cult conditioning.
Cults will always try to create another form of "reality". They try to draw people into their "world view". It will take time but one can be grounded again.
You might want to get hooked up with other ex cult memebes (maybe not from your cult but from other cults). Everyone has their own stories with their own cult experience. Ive talked to former members from a variety of cults. It helps alot.
You migght also consider hooking up with a theraoist especially one who has dealt with cult memebers befor. Rick Ross & associate might know some so you could ask.
Cults will always try to create another form of "reality". They try to draw people into their "world view". It will take time but one can be grounded again.
You might want to get hooked up with other ex cult memebes (maybe not from your cult but from other cults). Everyone has their own stories with their own cult experience. Ive talked to former members from a variety of cults. It helps alot.
You migght also consider hooking up with a theraoist especially one who has dealt with cult memebers befor. Rick Ross & associate might know some so you could ask.
Re: Living with fears after leaving a cult
Posted by:
Sallie
()
Date: January 06, 2009 09:23AM
Pegasus,
I think Keir is right on about finding ex members of your cult or a group was like yours. That ''fear of being normal'' doesn't sound crazy at all. I had that exact fear. I can so totally relate to what you are saying. Cult leaders ingrain in our minds the idea that the ''masses'' are bad. Political leaders do that to some extent. There always has to be an ''elite'' or ''better than'' crowd. To be a regular guy is somehow degrading.
They really have a disdain for humanity.
Sometimes I look at these haughty and arrogant and rich celebrities and I think...yuk. Then I will talk to a very old and frail person in the stores and they will make me smile or laugh and ...you know...really make me see the best in humanity. The cult leaders brainwash us into thinking we have to be spiritual superstars. They're wrong. Regular people are beautiful.
A very good book to read that deals with shame issues is ''Healing the Shame that binds you'' by Bradshaw. It was a required reading for me in a Liberal Arts course I took a gazillion years ago. It's so good and a really easy read.
I read some of ''Course in Miracles'' and that book ''Return to Love''. They're wrong. Period. It is just that simple. My brother is wrapped up in a New Age cult style group. They're destroying his life. He keeps talking about the ''non reality'' of this life.
It's wrong. Life is real. They're wrong. Their reality is self centered and when we get sucked in we begin to diminish ourselves by turning inward too much. Life is real. Simple and humble human beings are beautiful. Period. These cult leaders are all wrong.
In your posts you seem to be a very honest and insightful and analytical person. Right there you have it over these gurus. They are liars. New age books are also filled with lies and ''non reality'' jargon. Saying something isn't real anc creating your ''own reality'' is step #1 to developing an anti social personality disorder.
You are none of that. You are obviously an honest person who is very much in touch with reality and very emotionally sound. You have ''common'' sense. See. Common is good. And these gurus and spiritual book writers are deranged.
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I think Keir is right on about finding ex members of your cult or a group was like yours. That ''fear of being normal'' doesn't sound crazy at all. I had that exact fear. I can so totally relate to what you are saying. Cult leaders ingrain in our minds the idea that the ''masses'' are bad. Political leaders do that to some extent. There always has to be an ''elite'' or ''better than'' crowd. To be a regular guy is somehow degrading.
They really have a disdain for humanity.
Sometimes I look at these haughty and arrogant and rich celebrities and I think...yuk. Then I will talk to a very old and frail person in the stores and they will make me smile or laugh and ...you know...really make me see the best in humanity. The cult leaders brainwash us into thinking we have to be spiritual superstars. They're wrong. Regular people are beautiful.
A very good book to read that deals with shame issues is ''Healing the Shame that binds you'' by Bradshaw. It was a required reading for me in a Liberal Arts course I took a gazillion years ago. It's so good and a really easy read.
I read some of ''Course in Miracles'' and that book ''Return to Love''. They're wrong. Period. It is just that simple. My brother is wrapped up in a New Age cult style group. They're destroying his life. He keeps talking about the ''non reality'' of this life.
It's wrong. Life is real. They're wrong. Their reality is self centered and when we get sucked in we begin to diminish ourselves by turning inward too much. Life is real. Simple and humble human beings are beautiful. Period. These cult leaders are all wrong.
In your posts you seem to be a very honest and insightful and analytical person. Right there you have it over these gurus. They are liars. New age books are also filled with lies and ''non reality'' jargon. Saying something isn't real anc creating your ''own reality'' is step #1 to developing an anti social personality disorder.
You are none of that. You are obviously an honest person who is very much in touch with reality and very emotionally sound. You have ''common'' sense. See. Common is good. And these gurus and spiritual book writers are deranged.
'
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