Does anyone have any advice on how to completely rid bad memories of a cult past. Is it even possible. The memories of emotional abuse seem to keep coming back no matter how much I try to heal. The more I advance the more these dark memories flood back. It's as if an internal battle of positive and negative is on a war path in my mind.

It never seems to ever leave. Maybe I'm just having a tough stretch of life. At least I'm still surviving and advancing.

I had many bad incidents that affect my daily life still and I struggle with frustration and anger about them from time to time. It used to inhabit my dreams every night and I would wake with horrible anxiety. The recurring dream I had was that of a circle of men pointing and shouting at me as I cowered on the floor begging them to stop. It still inhabits my dreams a little now but not much. It's been nine years since I was ex-communicated and only recently have I begun to overcome my difficulties in a major way. My story can be found here. From books I have read, this type of stuff is very common in society. When you go through it, you think it is an anomaly, you are the only one. You are not.

I am not sure what you went through exactly but there is hope and from what I have discovered, at least in my own case, writing your story down, even though it is painful, really helps get things in perspective. Some of the power they held over you is they got you to believe the abuse is normal. It is not and once you write it down and read it back to yourself it really brings it home how abusive, and wrong, it all was. In my case the abuse began when I was about fourteen and lasted well into my 40's. It was devastating to be ex-communicated but at the same time I am glad I am away from it all.

Don't give up hope. In my case I felt anger, grief, anxiety and frustration to the point I even had to leave my job. I have found this stuff only heals over time, it's definitely a process and there are not many shortcuts. Time heals all wounds as they say. Since I was in it for so many years, and lived a fairly isolated life, it is difficult to establish new friends and my life is pretty empty still. I'm getting there.

Does it ever really leave? In my case, the history will always be with me but I have learned now to separate the emotion and I can just talk about it like it was a thing that happened. For years the subject left me with terrible anxiety and now I am past that.

I wish you well. It does get better. I know that from my own case, and from talking to others who were ex-communicated with me, and went through the same problems I did.

Thanks pulseins.....it is just a matter of time. One thing I have realized is that my past can't and shouldn't be forgotten. When things resurface it's a reminder to me what I've survived and how strong I really am. I have to look at the positive. I never forget because it shouldn't be forgotten. I am another source for someone else, who may be in or going through difficult times, to be a stong pillar for them. I've gotten a lot of support from various individuals and I must keep going to help others.

FF