I haven't shared with many people, not even fully with my husband. I found it too hard to explain. I've found a therapist who can help, but since she's a social worker and not a PhD, my insurance will not cover her, even tho there is a state law that gives parity to LSWs and PhDs. My request has been sent to the Legal department of the company to reivew, but they've dragged their feet for 6 months. They don't understand what the difference is between a therapist who specializes in these matters and a run-of-the-mill therapist. I've given a few details that have been met with silence. They don't get it.

when i left. i felt like the center followed me home to my house. this is what i felt. its the programming. so alot of the time the main thing is im frustrated. so i went to other spiritualists,yogies.
to put me back together and kind of remove me from that world, or atleast give me a chance. because according to that guru i was his property. [they beleave this]. and to go to these other people was like putting flame on the fire. it was getting worse, the other spiritualists where just as bad . so finally i found this site and talked to a counsler who was a specialist in exiting. my mind changed. and i felt like my old self. for awile, about 10 minits. lol
so i want to make it clear im not trying to win, to fight, to surrender etc. im just trying to leave! or have a choise as to where i put my energy.
vinman

The other day I was waiting for a train out of New York City. It was really late at night, and I sat down in a row of chairs in the waiting area alternately dozing and making small talk with a guy that sat down diagonal from me.

Eventually a couple sat down on the row of chairs connected to the guy's row of seats. The female fell asleep, but the male wanted to talk. He had heard me say something about my children, and he started in about the close bond he had with his half sister. To my surprise, he began to talk about the terrible abuses he and his sister had endured as children. Then he mentioned that he had grown up with a religious upbringing that "really messed him up."

I asked which religion.
The Hare Krishnas, he said.

He had a lot he wanted to get out, so the other guy and I let him do most of the talking. He said his mother had introduced him to the Krishnas when he was only six years old. Then he mentioned sexual abuse quite a few times, each time insisting he himself had never been sexually abused, almost as if he needed to assure himself as well as us. He was getting a bit wild-eyed and using a lot of hand gestures and arm-waves.

I asked him if he were still a member of the Hare Krishnas and he made a little back and forth motion with his hand saying "not really," but that he sometimes still visited the temple and he still hung out with his Krishna friends. Besides, he told me, Krishna consciousness wasn't so bad.

"It's a cult," I told him.
"No it's not," he said. "It's just a religion."

The other guy got up and left, leaving me alone with Krishnamaybe.

But then Krishnamaybe's female counterpart woke up. She was looking at me and I was looking at her. She wore no make-up and seemed attractive enough, were it not for the large bruise she was sporting on the side of her head. Her partner kept on talking and talking, mostly about the abuse he saw and endured--his own being physical and mental.

Then his friend did something really weird. As Krishnamaybe was talking, she grabbed a fistfull of his hair and forcefully yanked his head back. With her other fist, she began punching him in the side of the head. Even stranger, he just kept on talking as if nothing had changed.

Then he said: "Don't mind her, she's my girlfriend, and she's just jealous that I'm talking to you." He kept right on talking and she kept right on punching. I tried to make myself invisible. Finally Fistimiss stopped her battery but continued to glare at me.

And finally, my train had arrived and I was ready to go. Krishnamaybe didn't want me to leave. "Wait," he said "you have to tell me your story! I told you mine!"

Given the circumstances, I just wanted to go home.

At another time, in another place, I would have told him all about Sahaja Yoga. About how long ago I once insisted it was not a cult, but now I knew it was indeed. About the physical and sexual abuse I'd heard of, but never actually known. And about how thankful I was I'd never exposed my own children to a mindnumbing cult like the one I'd wasted so much time in.

Somehow, though, I don't think he was ready to hear such stuff.

I was a part of a growing new cult, and I find talking about it is dismissed as foolishness, even as members of the group are still threatening me. It seems a lot of people want to pretend that these groups simply aren't out there, or that certain categories of belief are, by definition, harmless.

I would love to find places and people I could talk about this, since my connection to this cult was so destructive. I lost my professional licensure and my business and have been assaulted by members and threatened with murder, yet people dismiss my concerns because it's seen as "harmlessly" New Age.

I have a new respect for people who have gotten out of cults, since sometimes the social pressures to stay are so strong. And the pressure is often applied by outsiders to cooperate: I can't tell you how many people have told me to "go along" with the members of this group and get back my license, without realizing just how scary and increasingly violent this group is becoming. Shortly after my first posting here, where I mentioned the group's name, I was told to shut up about it or they'd shut my mouth for me.

I will quit mentioning the group by name, but I won't quit posting.

Random Factor

RF,

You said it all so well. The other thing we hear is "take what you need and throw out the rest." How in the world could we trust any part of their teachings or practices in the context of what we learn about these individuals and\or groups?

The often charming facade of prevents survivors from being heard, not only by friends and family, but by lawyers and other professionals.

Hope

Hope:

Thanks for the wise words. I get terribly frustrated hearing what is basically hate speech against all other religions, then having people say, "it's spiritual, and BY DEFINITION, it's accepting of all beliefs. Aren't you accepting of their beliefs?"

No, I don't think all Jews and Christians are spreaders of poison. Yet that is part of this groups teachings. Nor do I think the Constitution is inherently evil, since it spreads the "lie" of racial equality. Yet some are saying this as well.

I guess eventually they will become known and everyone will wonder where this movment 'suddenly' appeared from. It's frustrating, especially since I lost so much: my profession and even my business license.

Thank you for your support.

Rand

Hope wrote:

>The often charming facade of prevents survivors from being heard, not only by friends and family, but by lawyers and other professionals.<

I think this has been my greatest problem. I'm dismissed as a crackpot, because massage therapy is seen as a gentle, kind of New Age group. And the assumptions about the New Age come into play: broad-minded, inclusive of all beliefs and harmless.

But when you mix religious doctrines with civil law, it's suddenly not nice and gentle any more. This is the basis of the whole mess: a cult-like group that see's itself as superior to all others, since its religious doctrines are even supported by law. No other religion is "good enough" to have that special status.

Yet when I point out the problem, I'm told to "go along" with it, since it's just common beliefs. The growing racist rhetoric is ignored and the hate speech.

It's deeply frustrating, since I'm seen as an example of what happens to "spiritually inferior" people in the new paradigm Massage has created. It's called "believe or leave." Toe the (state sanctioned) spiritual line or get the hell out.

And, as I keep saying, it's not just this one small religous movement that is aware of this legal precedent.

Random Factor

If I were hurt I would see a doctor before I would trust a massage doctor to help me. Massage is just another new age quackery .Rub downs might feel good but for serioius problems I would stay away unless you want to make the injury worse. The public is so MISLED by unproven theories and misinformation. Massage is not based on Science but what people feel. When I was growing up people "felt" that jehovah was telling them things and "felt" that they were living a good life I saw this first hand.

when the crack pots try to dictate forced prayer in schools , so called alternative medicine you know that we are heading in the wrong direction. I am against anything that is opposed to reason and freedom of mind and make believe fairy tales. Combat anyone trying to force their agendas on the innocent .