AmusedKY, being kicked to the curb by the members when the org no longer regards us as salvageable is par for the course and not to be taken personally. I think that the so-called friendship and support are things that kept some of the people here with SGI for maybe longer than we should've stayed. Part of the methods of every cult I've read about, and I've been reading a lot lately, speak to the isolation that they impose on the members; you don't realize that it's happening, but you feel like there's distance growing between you and non-member friends. That's no accident, and it's part of the grand plan . . . the organization is carrying out part of its mission by binding you closer and closer, and making you more and more dependent on them for everything from approval to emotional support. You were a naughty zombie, encouraging members to connect with any mentor other than ikeda-san!

You sound like a kind and compassionate person - don't give up on that part of yourself, but point it in a direction where it will be appreciated! I'm really new here myself (a week today) . . . the support that the more experienced people here have to offer is wonderful. I'm trying not to use sgi-lingo here, but they seem to have commandeered some words; I'm using them in a normal human-speak way. I wouldn't say that your post is rambling at all - it pretty clearly voices stuff that we've all been through in the organization, and once you start writing them out everything is so goofy that it seems like it loses its direction. It doesn't, but is a really true description of how illogical being a member was . . . there was no rhyme, reason or logical direction, you just chanted and if you didn't "chant enough," you chanted more. All part of the grand scheme to own our wallets via our beliefs.

"AmusedKY", I second everyone's welcome to you.

Although I always knew that there were lots of ex-gakkai-cult-org. members out there, because I've seen tons of people fade away and disappear over the decades I grew up in it, . . . . I never knew just how eerily similar all of our stories really were. I used to think it was just me. Seeing other (mis)-fortune babies posting here is what prompted me to join up and share mine.

Always happy to hear from others and most of all, fellow gakkai cult org. escapees who have made it out to freedom. Let's hope all of our stories help others find their way out eventually, too.

****

As to the topic of your post, AmusedKY, . . . nobody in the gakkai is ever your true "friend." I've seen pioneer members backstab, badmouth and abandon other pioneer members when bad things happened, they got a terminal illness or otherwise met with a less than "Victorious!" result in their own lives or families. That's the true nature of the sick, dysfunctional $oka Gakkai Cult Org.. (Look what they did to Williams-Sadanaga. Nobody is immune.)


- Hitch

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What bothered me most is this caring and supportive organization, just didn't call again. Friends that I considered close just cut off communication. One in particular bothered me because I know her entire family, but because I wouldn't read the SGI books she suggested and accept Ikeda all communication stopped. It's been several years since all this happened. I'm comfortable with my decision, but miss the practice and the sense of community. This is a cunning organization and it's important for everyone to come forward and share their story.

Hi, AmusedKY. Welcome, and thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences! The more the merrier, ya know.

I quoted a snippet of your post above, because I wanted to point out that what you experienced, the "shunning," is absolutely the norm for EVERY intolerant organization. If you've got a group saying, "Our way is the only right way," then only those who are "on board" will get the goodies of membership in that community. If you are known to hold un-party-line-ish views or perspectives, you'll be kept at arm's length - while you may still be invited to meetings, once you go, you'll find that few people are interested in talking to you, while they flock like moths to a flame around other members (and especially leaders). We social animals are keenly aware of social status and our place in the community, and being on the chilly outskirts of unpopular-ville is distressing. It is only if you voice the opinions and attitudes that the organization has defined as the "right" ones that you will be truly included as a REAL member.

Take a look at these other comments from escapees from other intolerant faith-based organizations:

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"Five years ago I left the UPC after having only been in for four years. I was amazed at how indoctrinated I became in such a short time. I can't begin to fathom what it must be like to leave after having been raised in it, generation after generation. The condemnation, shunning, the unspoken message that a person has been deceived by Satan for leaving. To 'backslide' is to choose to stop living for God, not to choose a different faith. I have struggled with guilt and a sense of having failed God, though He continually is faithfully answering my every prayer." [www.culteducation.com]

That ^ is about Pentecostalism, but can you see the parallel? Just substitute "gohonzon" for "god" and "King Devil of the Sixth Heaven" for "Satan" and you'll get what many of us have described!

It shouldn't surprise anyone that the main reason the SGI was able to get into American culture was because its pseudoBuddhism bore so many similarities to the dominant religion, Christianity.

This is a great site, and, again, although it's oriented toward Chrisitanity, you'll see that it fits our former cult just as well: [johnshore.com]
Excerpts:

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“Whenever I’m approached by an evangelist – by a Christian missionary – I know I’m up against someone so obsessed and narrowly focused that it will do me absolutely no good to try and explain or share my own value system. I never want to be rude to them, of course, but never have any idea how to respond to their attempts to convert me; in short order, I inevitably find myself simply feeling embarrassed–first for them, and then for us both. I’m always grateful when such encounters conclude.”

“There are about a million things I’d like to say to Christians, but here’s the first few that come to mind: Please respect my right to be the person I’ve chosen to become. Worship, pray and praise your God all you want–but please leave me, and my laws, and my city, and my school alone. Stop trying to make me, or my children, worship your god. Why do we all have to be Christians? Respect my beliefs; I guarantee they’re every bit as strong as yours. Mostly, please respect my free will. Let me choose if I want to marry someone of my own sex. Let me choose if I want to have an abortion or not. Let me choose to go to hell if that’s where you believe I’m going. I can honestly say that I’d rather go to hell than live the hypocritical life I see so many Christians living.”

“I am a former ‘born again’ Christian. It’s been my personal experience that Christians treat the poor poorly–much like the Pharisees did in the parable of the old woman with the two coins. I found the church to be political to a fault, and its individual members all too happy to judge and look down on others. As a Christian, my own fervor to witness was beyond healthy. My friends would come to me to vent and express emotions, and all I would do is preach to them. I was of no real comfort to them. I never tried to see anything from their perspective.”

See the similarities?? Remember trying to shoehorn a "You should try chanting about that!" into conversations?? *ugh* >eyeroll<

For meh:

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Along the same line of Christians and disappointments, if you want to be dropped by every Christian "friend" in the Church, work, etc., be left a widow by your husband of 27 years.

I will never forget my "friend" of 26 years telling me she needed to leave me to myself (at this sad time), that she didn't know how to help me. [richgelina.blogspot.com]

So it's not just Buddhists who check out if that "victory" is too long in coming or appears that it won't happen. Perhaps the problem is basically ALL intolerant religions...?

“I have found, sadly, that the front row Christians put on their ‘church faces’ but are the biggest and coldest gossips out there. Especially women. One bit of gossip and they will tear a person in half. The more hurtful the better….but make sure to get that front row or teach a Sunday school class.” - Pioneers and leaders, I'm looking at YOU!! [www.3threat.net]

This next one is long, but I suspect you might be able to relate to it:

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Don't you miss who you used to be?

I am not surprised by these questions, knowing full well the world in which I used to live is constructed of persons who are taught to hold each other accountable for a myriad of things: actions, tastes in music, emotions, sexual preferences, interpretations of scripture... and doubts.

While I understand the questioners intent (after all I was guilty of the same), what I find so unappealing is the question itself, (don't even get me started on "Ex-Christians, how can there be such a thing?"). These really aren't genuine questions after all, for a genuine question is not asked with the answer already implied.

All that said, I have decided to respond to this rhetorical nonsense in hopes of demonstrating how “myself” is really much better off having left it's delusions behind and how I really don't miss "that self" at all.

Do you miss that self?

No, I do not miss "that self."

I do not miss the mind numbingly absurd reality “that self” lived in, the plateau at which that self's intelligence was set, the circular condemnation and double think “that self” endured on a daily basis.

No, I do not miss that self.

I do not miss feeling like that self was something bad and that that self could do no good without a supreme deity to guide the way, I do not miss that self second guessing every action, every relationship, every idea,

I do not miss that self.

No, I do not miss that self's lack of responsibility for the earth, that self’s desire for the world to be destroyed and for its people to be condemned, that self’s superiority, naivety and idealism.

I do not miss that self.

I do not miss that self’s conversations with the ceiling, that self’s weight of the worlds salvation, that self’s conscious dismissal of science, that self’s ala cart projection of the Bible, that self’s silver platter consumption of truth from the pulpit.

No, I do not miss that self.

My self rejoices in reality and embraces humanity.

“That self” can go fuck itself. [testimonials.exchristian.net]

Remember: Selfishness is not living as one wishes; it is asking others to live as one wishes.

TaP, that is powerful stuff. Dammit, I'm going to have to think again.

Your comment about the similarity to Christian churches is spot on. I mentioned in an earlier post how krg differed so differently based on the Hispanic culture I lived in in the southwest and much more urbanized culture in the Philly area. The "cultural" performances we were subjected to reflected those; in ABQ, we would have kids performing salsa dancing and that kind of thing; Las Cruces met at the kaikan in El Paso which was an oddly mixed bag - along with the Hispanic, we had a heavy dose of Japanese culture there (lots of pioneer ladies there, probably because of the military base and, interesting aside, the only place that had a larger number of internment camps during WWII than the southern NM/West TX area was California) . . . we were never sure if we would have canciones or tiny, ancient Japanese ladies enacting the ten worlds. Philly gives a huge nod to the African American population with a lot of call-and-response going on during the meeting and in-context performances.

The reason I mention that is because sgi is a chameleon. It takes on the identity of the community it disservices to make the atmosphere welcoming, accessible and above all familiar. Initially, the jargon and information being presented might be kind of unsettling, but you're generally the guest of someone you know the first few times you go who will happily explain everything to you in your own language (so to speak); you'll be introduced to everyone there and, without fail, you'll be joyfully greeted . . . people are happy to see you!

I don't know if someone actually sat down and deliberately figured out the psychology behind all this, but it is frighteningly effective. Almost anyone walking into a kaikan is going to feel unintimidated; if you walk into another kind of Buddhist temple, you're probably going to feel a little weirded out by the thangas, statues and other trappings, but most community centers could pass as Christian churches at first glance. Nope, nothing bad could happen in such an innocuous place . . . right?

I'm still trying to figure stuff out. Is this an evil plan being carried by ikeda and his minions? Does he actually think that his considerable fortune and great benefit are coming to him because of his faith, practice, study and efforts to shakubuku the world? Does it even matter which it is? I think not, since the outcome is the same either way.

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meh
The reason I mention that is because sgi is a chameleon. It takes on the identity of the community it disservices to make the atmosphere welcoming, accessible and above all familiar. Initially, the jargon and information being presented might be kind of unsettling, but you're generally the guest of someone you know the first few times you go who will happily explain everything to you in your own language (so to speak); you'll be introduced to everyone there and, without fail, you'll be joyfully greeted . . . people are happy to see you!

Exactly. In New York (and other places), you can see it happening with the Chinese community. Chinese language gosho meetings, Chinese dance and arts as amateur performances at cult meetings. Same thing when the Indian (as in India) community is large in a particular area. It's no coincidence that as the Gakkai Cult Org. spreads like wildfire in India and Singapore, the communities of these American members is also growing larger and becoming more and more catered to.

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meh
I'm still trying to figure stuff out. Is this an evil plan being carried by ikeda and his minions? Does he actually think that his considerable fortune and great benefit are coming to him because of his faith, practice, study and efforts to shakubuku the world? Does it even matter which it is? I think not, since the outcome is the same either way.

After a while (if they don't start out that way), these narcissistic cult leaders do indeed begin to buy into their own delusion and start believing their own myth. You could see it happening to Williams-Sadanga when he got booted and there were rumors during the split with the priesthood that even The Dear Leader's wife, Kaneko Ikeda, was concerned about her dear husband's state of mind at that time, saying things like "he doesn't even chant much anymore", etc.. (Like I said, rumors, though, so take it all with a grain of salt.)

Cult leaders are narcissistic shysters who can never get enough of the adulation or ever be satisfied with the level of power and money that they have; they always need more.



- Hitch

There are quite a few Indian members in the district I was in - the original ones were s-b'd by relatives back home. In this particularly district, there I didn't see any attempts to adapt the group because the members were so eager to blend in. Most of the Indian members keep Hindu images in their homes, and it gives the leaders fits when they realize these items are religious in nature and not merely decorative. I also noticed that some of the Indian members kind of mish-mash some of their religious beliefs together.

It was interesting at the last discussion meeting I attended; the conversation turned to Shakyamuni (how perverse!) and since the Indian members learned about him and Buddhism in general in school, there were some eye-openers for most of the American members - their ignorance about him and the basic tenets of Buddhism were on display. As I mentioned in another post, I studied Buddhist writings prior to joining sgi, so for me it was a really wonderful discussion . . . the zombies were kind of at sea through most of the conversation. Buddhism didn't start with the holy trinity of makiguchi/toda/ikeda, my friends - it didn't even start with nichiren . . . educate yourselves, you ass-hats. The lotus sutra contains so much material that has been recycled from earlier sutras, yet these dorks persist in saying that none of the early teachings matter.

Thank you for everyone's responses! It has been comforting reading all of the posts here that my situation was not unique. Unfortunately, it has left me skeptical of all spiritually-based organizations and with the rise of the extreme religious right it can be infuriating. I'm curious, if anyone has chosen any spiritual practice with or without an organization?

There was a man in our neighborhood who practiced as a Buddhist, but was not affliated with any organization.

He studied texts, meditated, and took walks in the nearby park.

He expressed his practice through friendships, paintings and was gifted with plants--bonsai, could create Zen gardens in backyards, and trimmed his neighbor's juniper tree in such as way as to bring forth the rhythm of the tree's foliage, and how it had been shaped by the prevailing winds.

Nobody owned him.

And, though Buddhist, more often than not, he would quote Emily Dickinson and Henry James.

The skepticism is natural, but I love the expressions of Buddhism that corboy's neighbor displays. That, to me, is what Buddhism is about . . . to live gently and productively in the world, respect other people and do good on your own terms. From Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass):

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”

I'll continue studying Buddhism, I think. It works for me and gently encourages me to be a better person. As some wise soul once said, "I would like to be the person my dog thinks I am."

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I also noticed that some of the Indian members kind of mish-mash some of their religious beliefs together.

Oh, hell! I read an interview with Tina Turner (in a non-gakkai publication) where she stated "I'm a Buddhist-Baptist!" But since she's rich and famous, oh, well, all is forgiven!!