chooselife - I wish I could help you with how to let your members know about your decision. the thing is I was never promoted much because of my rebellious nature. Am I bitter? Slightly. But that has to do more with my own self esteem than wanting to follow everyone else's mentor.

chooselife - I'm sorry that you're struggling. I was a YWD leader in my district, but it was something that was kind of forced on me. I never felt like a "leader" and it was one of the many things that caused me to leave the SGI. I never saw myself as abandoning anyone I was just choosing not to help anyone travel a path that I felt was wrong. We all have to make choices in life. Choosing not to follow the SGI isn't abandonment.

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Tibbs
chooselife - I'm sorry that you're struggling. I was a YWD leader in my district, but it was something that was kind of forced on me. I never felt like a "leader" and it was one of the many things that caused me to leave the SGI. I never saw myself as abandoning anyone I was just choosing not to help anyone travel a path that I felt was wrong. We all have to make choices in life. Choosing not to follow the SGI isn't abandonment.

Well said Tibbs.

Mark

thanks so much everyone, i really appreciate it. i dont want to talk too much about my situation because i havent made the decision to leave yet, and im pretty sure if i know the sgi, there are probably members who read this forum and i just dont want the drama right now.

Tibbs, you said "I was a YWD leader in my district, but it was something that was kind of forced on me." same here. maybe the issues many of you have with your leaders is that once someone comes to you and asks you to be a leader, you really kind of dont have a choice. so they may be trying the best they can but really have no experience. i feel like i help members, but not enough. in a general sense, i was appointed to this position before i even really knew for sure that this faith was what i wanted in my life. i enjoy my new friends very much, but the field ive chosen to enter requires ALOT of time and i have to put it on hold to do activities and to help others. am i selfish for wanting to step down from my position and/or leave the organization until i figure out what i really want to do? i hate that im so paranoid and scared. this practice is supposed to make me happy. maybe its my fault for not doing enough.

sidenote: as a minority, this Ghandi, King, Ikeda stuff is really freaking bothering me for reasons im sure you all understand.

@chooselife

Are you selfish for wanting to step-down from SGI?
Not just NO, but hell-no! Of course its not selfish to step down! That is just an SGI guilt-trip they lay on people.

Its not your fault for not doing enough. That is another clever SGI guilt-trip. Its never "enough".


SGI offers/dumps their "leadership" positions on people, and some people are flattered of course. But its a tactic, push the position onto people, and many people don't know how to say "no" so they take it, and next thing they know they are run ragged doing SGI work 24/7.

There are ways to get out of things, that don't require a big drama or even hurt feelings.
Sometimes a person can just say they need to resign for "personal reasons" or "family reasons" and that is all they need to know.
That just needs to be followed up with FIRM no no no no no, when they come at the person to try to pressure them to change their mind.

No means no.

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chooselife
thanks so much everyone, i really appreciate it. i dont want to talk too much about my situation because i havent made the decision to leave yet, and im pretty sure if i know the sgi, there are probably members who read this forum and i just dont want the drama right now.

Tibbs, you said "I was a YWD leader in my district, but it was something that was kind of forced on me." same here. maybe the issues many of you have with your leaders is that once someone comes to you and asks you to be a leader, you really kind of dont have a choice. so they may be trying the best they can but really have no experience. i feel like i help members, but not enough. in a general sense, i was appointed to this position before i even really knew for sure that this faith was what i wanted in my life. i enjoy my new friends very much, but the field ive chosen to enter requires ALOT of time and i have to put it on hold to do activities and to help others. am i selfish for wanting to step down from my position and/or leave the organization until i figure out what i really want to do? i hate that im so paranoid and scared. this practice is supposed to make me happy. maybe its my fault for not doing enough.

sidenote: as a minority, this Ghandi, King, Ikeda stuff is really freaking bothering me for reasons im sure you all understand.

chooselife - No organization that truly cares about the happiness of ALL of its members would put you in this position. Trust me, the problem is NOT you not doing enough or being selfish. I think you've found yourself in a trap that many former SGI members have found themselves in - the SGI wants your time (and money) but you have no say in how the organization is run or what part you want to play in all of that. You have a right to a life outside of the SGI. You have a right to decide how much of your time you spend on SGI activites and what activites you want to be involved in. It is NOT selfish and no one should ever make you feel guilty about it.

And don't even get me started on how wrong the whole Ghandi, King, Ikeda stuff is - gah!

Chooselife,

It is truly a difficult decision to leave when you have members that may trust you and somewhat rely on you for encouragement. I am still working on this one. I did leave the leadership role and still am a general member but only participate in the basics of discussion meetings where there is always a good amount of study and daimoku.

In the SGI-USA the leadership is functioning only for results at this time. They need to be able to report that they achieved the number goal, whether it be attendance numbers for a meeting or number of Gohonzons conferred in a given campain. People are being used to make those results; it matters little about the people's lives.

But in a leadership role there is also the opportunity to think for yourself rather than just follow the mindless instruction and continue to encourage members and teach them to the best of your ability about Buddhism. Some think you should not stay in the SGI at all, but you do care about the members or you would not have asked the question. That already makes you a unique leader that is thinking for yourself.

If you need to leave though you just have to work at it. It took me many months to have finality to my resignation. I could have been a lot more aqressive about it, but maybe I wasn't all the way sure myself at the time.

@chooselife who wrote, "i dont know if i can deal with the guilt of "abandoning" my members. please help, im a bit of an emotional wreck here:)" If you have been reading the thread you already know what some of us will say about your dilemma. Leaving SGI was very hard for me but it was a decision I continue to be glad I made. I was a district leader for over 6 years, a member for 21 years. I led study meetings, went to FNCC 4 times, subscribed to (and actually read) Living Buddhism for years, etc. I had a lot of affection for several members in and out of my district. Some of them were really there for me through some hardships. Furthermore, I have fond memories of my days in brass band and the Pride Parade in which I participated 4xs. I know what it is like to be committed to SGI and to a daily practice so I sympathize with your discomfort. However regardless of what they say, SGI does view Ikeda as the most enlightened human being, and a correct Nichiren practice must include declaring him your mentor. They do see him as the be-all-end-all Buddhist who surpasses Gandhi and King. These things drove me out the door. I got guidance from most of the top national and local leaders for years about my trouble with their views of Ikeda's significance. They were all cordial but they were also uniform in their estimation of him. This is when I realized that it was silly to try and change them. They are entitled to their views and I am entitled to mine. However, mutual co-existence was not acceptable for me since all the pubs and leaders constantly spewed their perspective and I could not in good conscience support meetings where guests and newer members were getting this message. Then I would be complict. I think I made the right choice especially since I continue to practice consistently and really like the way my life is going. SGI will not survive, at least not in America, with their approach. Sorry, Americans are not going to go for the idea that this Japanese man on the other side of the world, who runs a billion dollar organization with supreme authority is the most enlightened human being. Indeed I have a lot of appreciation for what Ikeda has done but the heavy handed attempts to get him excessive recognition is backfiring. There are many who have already left and more who shall leave for these reasons and many who will resist joining for these reasons. I do believe SGI provides a community for some of its members who manage to tune out the less attractive parts. That's just something I no longer wanted to do.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2010 03:15PM by doubtful.

you all are incredibly supportive - im so glad i decided to find some "guidance" on this issue from you (must....deprogram....speech...lol). the truth is is that when i joined, i thought that this practice would help me gain power over my own life. BOY was i way off. i soon realized why i never liked organized religion. i enjoy chanting, but i dont believe that this is the only path, and i also dont believe that my life will become a complete mushroom cloud if i so much as think about quitting. i think what keeps me in is the desire to be a good person and a good friend (ironically, my older friends tend to get neglected now).

i have to be ok with the fact that i cant have it both ways - i cant quit the organization and expect not to have to deal with heartache and loss. but every activity has become SO difficult for me to be apart of since i have so many glaring doubts. i dont even know how i got into this mess. i wanted to find something that would help my mental illness through an inner sense of peace, but a month ago i chanted for my heart to stop so i wouldnt have to deal with the guilt of being a bad leader anymore. Looks like it didnt work. It also doesnt help that instead of doing what i needed to do to get closer to my career, i Rocked the effing Era. not that it wasnt a great experience, but i still have no clue why i did that. WITHOUT QUESTION.

reading this forum has really helped me get in touch with what ive been feeling lately and i dont feel alone anymore. to anyone else in the practice having the same feelings as me - sometimes questioning the practice isnt "fundamental darkness", its just your brain trying to remind you that its still there.

Hi 'Chooselife'

I never posted here for a while. When you wrote 'but a month ago i chanted for my heart to stop so i wouldnt have to deal with the guilt of being a bad leader anymore.' it struck me. I am so glad your chanting did not work !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would expand you name in here … choose your life! Take it as a lesson learned. Just the other day I came across an old song by Joe South 'games people play' I could not help of smiling thinking about my days in SGI.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2010 01:45AM by Rothaus.