@Findingmywaytoday,

I'd like to add my two cents. First of all, welcome to this forum. Remember, if you ever need to sound yourself out, that's what this forum is here for.

As for how to leave the SGI, it is up to you how you do it. As you know, they'll stop at nothing, using your fear and your guilt, in order to make you stay. I chose a non-confrontational way, but it may not work for you. It does depend on your situation.

You know, the one thing that struck me is the question of how to fill-in the gap left behind by lack of Soka activities. This is where it will help a lot in terms of getting out of the Soka mindset and back to real life. Was there a goal you wanted to achieve? Are there loved ones you have not talked to in a awhile? Is there something new you wanted to try out? As a personal example, now that I am not doing SGI stuff anymore, I am more focused on studying for my career in the government and also practicing martial arts. On occasion, I also tutor kids and even learn Chinese cooking. So, the world is your oyster! Try something new!

As for your friends in the SGI. It is difficult. There are good people in SGI, but they are brainwashed as well. However, when I left there are a few friends who I still talk to, I think part of the reason is that we can talk about other things besides SGI. The rest who "acted" like my friends, well better off without them I say.

findingmywaytoday:

If you are not comfortable with being in SGI, those feelings exist for a reason. You owe it to yourself to at least examine them. A good therapist can certainly help you to explore your goals and decide what kind of life you really want.

This website has a good archive, with many different articles about SGI. ICSA and the Cult Awareness Info Centre (www.culthelpinfo.org) also have articles about SGI. You may also like www.fraughtwithperil.com -- "A Byrd's Eye View," and "Chapter Leader's Diary" discuss their writers' experiences with SGI. Rick Ross's forum "Cults, Sects and New Religious Movements" was also eye-opening for me. I saw that SGI is nothing unique -- other groups and cult leaders use many of the same tricks that SGI does. That helped me see through a lot of the manipulation that my SGI acquaintances used to try to use on me.

I was a member of SGI for almost 20 years, and I have pretty much cut my ties with everyone. In the beginning, I had fears of being sucked back into SGI. And those fears were realistic, as I'd tried to leave before -- unsuccessfully. I had been uncomfortable with many things in SGI for many years...I'd quit but then go back. So I needed a clean break...and honestly, as I discovered, most of them were not really my friends anyway.

Strangely, I did go through anger -- and even grief after I left, but it gets better. It's hard to leave what you know -- even if what you know is lousy! Contrary to SGI's predictions/manipulation, nothing terrible has happened to me since leaving -- and I'm excited now about having the freedom to make new friends and try new activities that I did not have time for in my SGI days.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2010 05:57AM by tsukimoto.

To Findingmywaytoday

I recently left SGI too, the thing is though I think everyone's circumstances are different, I think teh people on this forum would be able to help you better if give a bit more details about how involved in SGI you are, wether it will be possible to just ignore the SGI people or wether you will have to confront them.

Personally I think you have already done teh hardest thing, admitting that SGI is wrong. I think once you admit that to yourself then everything else will become easier. I also had/have some people who I really liked in SGI, fortunately for me it has been easy to just 'disappear'. I have received some emails and messages from SGI members but I have just completely ignored them, and it seem I have been allowed to fade away. i think the best way to think about it is if you imagine that your friends in SGI will think they way you thought before you decided to leave, it is extremely difficult to talk to them in a logical way.

There is something which really helped me though. Do you have a close friend who you can trust, who is not in SGI? Someone who will be understanding and patient with you, somone you can talk to about your deep feelings? If you have someone like that I think you should talk to them completely openly about how you are feeling and what you are thinking, they will probably be able to make things much clearer for you.

I also found it really helpful to read /everything/ bad about the SGI I could find on the internet. I had read alot of this before when I was in SGI, but obviously read it through the 'sgi glasses'. Now that I read it openly and objectively I am shocked and disgusted, but this helps to reinforce my own feelings of wanting to leave SGI.

Since I left SGI a few weeks ago, I admit things ahve been up and down, but for leaving a cult I think that is natural! SGI always says 'if you leave SGI then things will be bad', well, of course they will! You will have a lot of confusion and emotional hurt that you will have to start dealing with, SGI don't tell you that this is a good thing however, because you are getting SGI 'out of your mind and your heart.' As many people on this forum will tell you thats not easy. You are lucky to have only been in SGI for 4 years, a lot of people were in it for decades or were even born into it, but look at them now, they are doing great since leaving SGI!
I think leaving SGI is very bitter sweet, its a wonderful thing that you will be free of all they're lies, guilt tripping and manipulation. But you will also have to deal with the 'trauma' and 'shock' of finally seeing how bad the SGI is. But the people on this forum, your freidns and family, and maybe even a counselor or doctor can help you with that.

Take it slowly, you have the whole rest of your life ahead of you. :)

Back in the late '80s during the high pressure NSA/SGI days, I missed a good friend's wedding at the last second due to allowing myself to succumb to pressure around a weekend activity. That friend never talked to me again. I told members that someone was relying on me for a ride to that wedding. No mention of that being a 'bad cause', just hooray for me for doing the 'Buddhist' activity.
Around the same time, I watched a group of young men's division members, (all of us dressed in our 'whites'), pressure a new member to shave his mustache before some big event the next day. He was not into that idea at all but they kept at him. Some of them with borrowed Japanese accents. (Remember the non-Japanese taking on the Japanese accent? Wow.) And he kept arguing back. The next day, the mustache was gone just in time for the big event. I think I was beaming with a smile about this with the other young men. What victory had we achieved? Did this show the almighty power of Buddhism?

I always thought the people faking the Japanese accents were crazy. Neh! Some people were also studying Japanese so they could some day talk to Hentai oops I mean Sensie. I misspelled that on purpose :)

Quote
rattyboy
Around the same time, I watched a group of young men's division members, (all of us dressed in our 'whites'), pressure a new member to shave his mustache before some big event the next day. He was not into that idea at all but they kept at him. And he kept arguing back. The next day, the mustache was gone just in time for the big event. I think I was beaming with a smile about this with the other young men. What victory had we achieved? Did this show the almighty power of Buddhism?

Boy, can I relate to that story. I was in the brassband and was told that if I didn't cut my shoulder-length hair, I couldn't be in the band anymore. What they didn't count on was me saying "OK" and walking out the door! When they tried to gang up on me, I told them that what matters is on the inside. They said, "Yes, but your outer appearance reflects your insides." I interpreted that as "All men with long hair are bad people." So much for individuality within the organization! What's even funnier is that I had been faithfully going to band practice every week while other guys would show up sporadically and sometimes even forget to bring their instruments! To BAND practice! But they were OK to stay because they had short hair, and were therefore upstanding citizens. A little while later, they had relaxed the rules and invited me back. I can't tell you how much joy I experienced in telling them that I couldn't because I had sold my instrument after they had kicked me out.

Crazy, eh? I can somewhat relate to that, although nothing to do with appearances. The day I went to Beijing, since I lived far from there, I had 2 purposes: 1. To meet the SGI group over there (I was still loving the Hentai) and 2. To meet my Chinese teacher whom I haven't seen in 4 years. Remember, this was before the Olympics, and Beijing had a bad subway system and worse traffic.

Once I got to the meeting and started listening to everyone's 20 minute "Buddhist discourse", I glanced out the window and noticed the traffic was getting heavy and my teacher lived on the other side of the city. It was around 4PM, we were supposed to meet at 6. When I tried to leave, lo and behold, the woman in charge kept on blocking me. Apparently these complete over-talkative strangers should have more priority than my teacher.

Trying to "see her as a Buddha", I stayed and ended up meeting my teacher at 8 PM. Couldn't even have a decent conversation as I had to leave at 9 and go back to the train station back to my small city.

The funny thing here is, in China the relationship of a student and teacher is almost a sacred thing. The funnier thing is, that woman is Chinese.

So rattyboy, what victory did she and I achieve?

That was when I first realized, after being so gung-ho about the SGI, that something was amiss. If she truly understood Buddhism and even humanism, she would have realized her actions were not that of a Bodhisattva of the Earth. It was that of a Bulls***er of the Earth.

In fact, I am grateful of the way she acted towards me. It's like she warned me of what happened if I were to stay on longer.

Wow, I really want to thank all of you for your responses. I am sorry I am only writing you back now. I am very appreciative for your responses. I realize more and more how I did join a cult. I will write you a more detailed response either tonight or tomorrow morning. All of you said some very interesting things. Thank you!

There is one thing I realy must say. A big thank you to all of you who joined this forum. Your experiences are of so much help to many out there who are having second thoughts on SGI. And as far as I can see no much moderation seems to be needed either. The exchanges we engage here are extremely civil !!!!
Its not about convincing anyone to stay on a certain path or not. Some of us still practice Nichiren Buddhism some do not. From what I can see so far we have been able to hold a dialogue on a much more civilised manner than some SGI officials will ever be able to do.
We have shared our experiences no matter if we live in the US or elsewhere and found that we are not the only ones who had doubts about the world according to SGI. We are alive and kicking and move on in our lives with a sense of relief, pride and maybe regret for the time spent in an organisation that fails to live up to the standards it set itself up to strive for.
I am just proud of you guys that you stepped forward and showed that there is life after SGI, a life wich in my books is based on respecting the other. I do not blame anyone who decides to stay in SGI, but we all here prove that our lives have moved forward. Having been a member in a cult is nothing to be ashamed of. In my case it made me realize to be more thoughtful on how I judge other people. It showed me that one can never be sure what a person realy thinks and that whenever they put a smile on their face may just be a facade. This may mean that they do not belive in what they say or that their smile could also mean 'please get me out of this'.
Respect is what we all ask for but I realised that to show true respect for others (even if I know that what they are doing is wrong) grows with experience in life. Anyone who wants to hinder me gaining that experience is not to be trusted.
Thank you all and a big welcome to those who just follow this thread here.

I am a SGI member and I do not agree with the Ikeda worship I see a lot of people have his picture next to their gohonzon and base their life off of what he says members even compare him to Marting Luther King and Gandhi... I am thankfully a military wife and will be moving over seas soon I just joined SGI (to get a gohonzon), when I leave I am cutting all ties I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism the way it is SUPPOSE to be practiced. I made sure I keep myself VERY distant from other members and only go to meetings once every 2-3 months :)

I just hope others will see the light and start practicing Nichiren Buddhism the way it is suppose to be practiced and not Ikeda worship or constantly pressuring others into recruiting new members. I noticed most of the members don't even own the writings of Nichiren Daishonin(sp?) they only own the stuff Ikeda wrote. They should wonder where the "donations" go, considering how wealthy Ikeda has gotten over the years. I am pressured to donate but THANKFULLY I don't make even to even give a little cause I have bills and a low paying job atm. Some members even told me to get money from my husband to donate... uh no lol. Also I was told to quit my job because I never have enough days off for the meetings. Anyone who was brainwashed into Ikeda worship I hope you will see the true practice of Nichiren.