Byrd's Eye View, from www.fraughtwithperil.com, July 16, 2008 via Wayback Machine [
web.archive.org]
Penultimate blog written by Wendy Byrd Ehlmann (She also posts as "Byrd," and "Wazoh.")
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July 16, 2008
A Conversation With My Hero
Well, yesterday, my lovely literacy pupil picked me up at the public library for our tutorial session. My pupil is my hero because of his courage in deciding, at 50 years of age, to learn how to read. We have become friends, and I trust him. I recognized his white pickup truck, waved him down, and climbed way up into the cab.
We know each other pretty well by now, and he knew there was something wrong.
HIM: You OK? What's up?
ME: I haven't been sleeping too well. I'm just kind of tired and bummed out, I guess.
HIM: What's the matter?
ME: Well, I think I'm in the process of getting kicked out of my church.
HIM: Is that the group you wanted to take me to?
ME: Uh.....yeah....but the Buddhism part is OK, it's just the group that's acting kind of weird.
HIM: Well, if the Buddhism part is OK, I mean, if it helps you be a better person like you say, then why are they acting so weird?
ME: Good question, Gilbert. I can't help you with that one.
I kind of stared silently out of the truck for awhile, while the scenic cement of Panorama City rolled past my window.
I felt as desolate as one of those cracked, empty parking lots. Gilbert decided to break the silence.
HIM: So, uh...what'd you do?
ME: Huh?
HIM: What'd you do to get kicked out?
ME: They don't like things I wrote on the internet. I don't agree with some stuff that the church has done, and I started asking questions they didn't like, so they're kicking me out. They say it has something to do with the leader in Japan - that I have to be more respectful to him.
HIM: You mean like you said "goddamn the Pope", or something?
ME: Well, I didn't actually say "goddamn" anybody. It was more like I was just hoping people would think for themselves and talk about ideas without only having to talk about his ideas. I thought I was just sort of throwing stuff out there for people to think about and talk about. You know, basic free speech stuff.
HIM: And now they're kicking you out?
ME: Looks that way.
HIM: That's why I won't go to no damn churches! It's that kind of crap! I'm not going to that damn church! You better not ask me again.
ME: No, I won't ask you again, Gilbert, I'm so sorry I ever did. I would never take you anyplace where anyone would try to shut you up or shut you down. I'm sorry...I dunno....I'm just so bummed. I've been with them for 24 years, that's all. That's a long time - like a marriage, or something. And then to just get a phone call saying "you're not welcome anymore". It's kind of a weird feeling.
HIM: You got friends in that church?
ME: Oh, yeah - a lot of them. I thought so, at least.
HIM: Did they have a vote or something? To kick you out?
ME: The gal who called me said they did, but I don't know. If there was a vote, I wasn't invited.
HIM: That's why I don't go to no damn churches! You know, one time I had a preacher tell me that if I didn't bring in my whole family, that he'd kick me out.
ME: What'd you say?
HIM: I said "goodbye". Besides, he didn't know what he was asking for. He don't know my whole family. Those churches are always telling you who you can hang out with. And Jesus hung out with everybody. Nope, you won't catch me going to no damn church.
ME: Gilbert, some day I'm going to collect all your sayings and put them in a book, and I'm going to call it "The Wisdom of Gilbert".
HIM: And then we can read it together.
ME: You got that right. Then we can read it together.
Posted by wahzoh at July 16, 2008 03:31 PM
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Comments
Byrd,
You know, I think you just gave yourself some really great advice within your blog today:
You wrote (to Gilbert): "I would never take you anyplace where anyone would try to shut you up or shut you down."
If you'd never do that to someone, well, perhaps you shouldn't be doing it to yourself either.
It must be heartbreaking to have put so much time and energy into the SGI, to try and "improve" it, as I believe you have tried, through your attempts at constructive criticism, only to be booted out
And yet, in my humble opinion, there is "more" out there - places, practices, where things like free speech and your singular voice will be valued. May this shunning be the start of a flourishing spiritual life for you, Byrd.
Namu Myo Ho Renge Kyo
Kris
Posted by: Kris at July 16, 2008 05:01 PM
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Thanks, Kris - you make a good point. I'm always happy to read or hear your voice.
Wahzoh
Posted by: Byrd in LA at July 16, 2008 05:11 PM
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(It was me who emphasised "I felt as desolate as one of those cracked, empty parking lots", Simplify.)