Thank you for your support. I go through phases where I am really doubting the SGI. I don"t feel like talking about the benefits right now, but I will say that everything was so perfect in the beginning. People were so nice, and I enjoyed the community. If I break away, I want it to be a clean break.

I feel like my head has been brainwashed, and I am going to be really honest about it. Part of me feels like any benefit I am receive in life, the SGI would want me to be thankful to them, and to Ikeda. I feel if I were to leave, it might seem crazy to others, as if hard work and benefit only belong to SGI members.

Upon receiving Gohonzon, I moved to an ugly neighborhood, and I developed a fear of something. I developed a fear of driving. I am afraid to write about it for fear of being identified. So, life before Gohonzon felt carefree, and I was able to drive, and I remember being peaceful. Then, I was introduced to the practice, and things were okay. Once I agreed to get Gohonzon, it was like things got worse. Maybe I am paranoid, or at least that is what I have been told by other SGI members.

I was told that getting Gohonzon is no big deal. I wish I hadn't listened to that rubbish. I am much more paranoid now because I am afraid that if I give it back, I would regret it one day, or bad things would happen.

There is this feeling like: why would you want to give it back. I have never investigated it. I was at this meeting recently, and I think I mentioned it in my previous post: some lady said we are so lucky to share the planet with President Ikeda. I felt sick hearing that, and I do feel I should trust my body telling me things.

Let's see what else...hmmm...I am wondering if someone can please send me a private message if they know of any books, or types of counseling that can help one take one's life back after having an experience such as being in the SGI.

I want to take my life back, and I am not referring to the practice. Thanks so much for listening. I also hope to go through all the threads one day to learn more about other people's experience.

I also feel like if I were to be honest with the other members, they would chant for me, and because a small part of me likes chanting, I am liable to go back. I don't know. I want to make a clean break with them.

I also feel like what if what I am experiencing is Sansho Shima (spelling). Is that just part of the thinking?

Findingmywaytoday, you stated that you were happier before you joined. Therein lies your answer. Time to get out. I can tell you that absolutely, positively, you have been brainwashed. All the fear and talk of sansho shima is manifestations of that. People (potentially) chanting for you? Well, in my view, that's entirely their problem, not yours. Don't worry about it. The only way you'll ever get out is to be strong. It's not a bad thing to think about yourself and FOR yourself. The cult manipulation's goal is exactly the opposite.

A brilliant post by tsukimoto:

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tsukimoto
And the chanting -- leaders will often recommend that you do hours a day, especially if you have some problem that you're trying to change. We chanted at the beginning of meetings -- which made us more inclined to accept what was said at the meeting. And then we chanted at home too. I knew that chanting made me feel more relaxed; I underestimated how suggestible it made me! Now that I'm chanting less, I find I'm also more inclined to question things that other people tell me. One of my co-workers commented on this last week when we were at the same meeting. She said "You asked some great questions about the new proposal -- you were shyer a few years ago, you didn't do that." Well -- WAS I "shyer" in the past --- or maybe TOO tranquilized from chanting?

The whole chanting business has always been too much hocus-pocus and magic wand waving for my tastes. The only thing, perhaps, that I disliked more than chanting, was sitting on the floor, (as per my previous post - literally on your knees) to do it, too.

In the following quote, I placed my comments in bolded blue (below):

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tsukimoto
I felt very angry for about a year after I left SGI (I was not chanting at all for awhile.) Other members have mentioned feeling very angry too after leaving SGI. (Rothaus, you mentioned "detoxing.") I do think that part of it is just recognizing how badly we were treated in SGI...and connecting with the anger that we may have repressed for years. Definitely, that was part of it for me. And if you're chanting less, as I was, that may also be part of it.

I think that being angry at SGI, and how we were manipulated, is healthy. People have had horrible experiences: Check!
--Manipulated into giving their last dollars to SGI and ending up homeless. (and no support from SGI once that happened.)
--Pushed to give money to SGI, as a child. Check!
--Selling valued possessions to give money to SGI.
--Being berated harshly when a family member is dying
--Telling an abused wife that she should just chant and try to be a better wife!
--Verbal abuse and humiliation. Triple Check!
--Being told to chant more rather than seek medication and therapy for mental illness. (by someone with no training in health or psychiatry.)
--Discouraged from going to school and pursuing career/personal goals. Check!
--Forced to work in the hot sun with insufficient food and water Check! , and then humiliated Check! for fainting.

Many common threads with my time in the organization, too. It's amazing at how similar it all is.

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tsukimoto
These things are just wrong -- decent people don't do things like that! And no, the leaders who did these things will never apologize for them.

I don't want to be bitter my whole life -- but I also don't want to forget that many SGI leaders are liars, manipulators, exploiters of the vulnerable. I think that the answer is not repressing the anger, but channelling it-- warning others of these users, and being more aware of how people can manipulate me -- and more assertive if someone tries to.

Maybe the anger is a sign of waking up from the SGI trance.

Amen.

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rattyboy

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rattyboy
I wore one of the ill-fitting tri-corner liberty hats and handed a tourist the rope so they could ring the bell. 2 or 3 other stoicly smiling YMD and The bell was on a large platform with red, white and blue Patriotism smattered all over it. When our leader was asked "What is NSA?" he looked a little uncomfortable and replied that it was a World Peace Organization.

I knew we were deceiving people and I expected my comrades in faux- patriotism to feel the same way, but none of us made obvious displays of discomfort while we stood there silently by that bell. I might have had the notion of getting out then. There were other times I took off from activities when I could sneak away. I was even chased by other YMD once as I ran away to get to my car and go home to avoid some 12 hour or more involvement with some activity. The movie "A Ticket to Heaven" reminded me of that. I think it is based on the Moonies. I recommend that for anyone who wants to follow the main character through his resistance to mind control/ brainwashing, then being sucked in.

Holy smokes! That is incredible "rattyboy." When I was in the ymd, I remember one incident being forced to stay in a room and told that we couldn't leave for any reason. That made something immediately click in me and I made an excuse to get up, walk around, leave the room and get some fresh air just to disobey and challenge that "order." Ymd were getting screamed at and when they came towards me, I told them to go jump in a lake and continued on my way. I didn't like it at all, not one bit. It was little events like these, accumulating, that allowed it to slowly dawn on me that this was not a "healthy" atmosphere and that some of the people running it had some mental problems (there were so many people on power trips in those days).

Another incident that helped to tip the scales for me: I had driven 2-3 hours to support a big activity as soka-han. My arrival was a bit late because of traffic. Up walks another soka-han who starts screaming at me for parking in a regular "member" area. I apologized, asked where I should park and moved. At the second spot, yet another soka-han SS Blue Coat screaming at me that I couldn't park there either, that I was late, contributing to the disunity of the meeting and to hurry up and get my late a** to the command center. Well, this time, I turned around and left. I made a day of my trip out of town, had a wonderful time and to this day it is one of my fondest memories from an otherwise nightmare time of my life.

Hi Hitch. I have a friend who was born into the practice and his parents are high level leaders, especially his Japanese mother. He quit SGI 3 or 4 years ago and is having a greater influence on his parents than they on him. Even though his mother is a top leader, she is having doubts about the Soka Gakkai and has even checked out a "heretical' temple in Japan without SGI top leaders knowledge. Are your parents heavily into SGI? If so, what are they saying to you. If not, I would still like to know what they are saying to you. What about your non-SGI family members and friends?

Nichijew

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Hitch
Findingmywaytoday, you stated that you were happier before you joined. Therein lies your answer. Time to get out. I can tell you that absolutely, positively, you have been brainwashed. All the fear and talk of sansho shima is manifestations of that. People (potentially) chanting for you? Well, in my view, that's entirely their problem, not yours. Don't worry about it. The only way you'll ever get out is to be strong. It's not a bad thing to think about yourself and FOR yourself. The cult manipulation's goal is exactly the opposite.

Yeah, I guess thanks. Of course it is my problem, not theirs, and that is why I am asking for help here. Can someone please recommend any advice? Where can I get help? How do I find help to not believe some of this stuff anymore. How many of you felt brainwashed? I wish I could participate more in many of the conversations happening here, but I have only been apart of this organization for close to 6 years.

One woman said she hopes to die an SGI member, and I was like: not me. Are there actually counselors or groups around that can help one exit a cult like the SGI? Incidentally I have had a few SGI members tell me that it isn't a cult. I don't know if it is or isn't, but I don't feel free in getting out. It isn't that anyone is stopping me, it is more the psychological entrapment I feel in my head as mentioned above, and again yes, that is my problem to deal with, and that is why I am asking for help or suggestions.

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Hitch
Findingmywaytoday, you stated that you were happier before you joined. Therein lies your answer. Time to get out. I can tell you that absolutely, positively, you have been brainwashed. All the fear and talk of sansho shima is manifestations of that. People (potentially) chanting for you? Well, in my view, that's entirely their problem, not yours. Don't worry about it. The only way you'll ever get out is to be strong. It's not a bad thing to think about yourself and FOR yourself. The cult manipulation's goal is exactly the opposite.

I reread your answer, and I think you are right. I am stressing out. I do like chanting, but that is a personal choice. I just don't want it to be attached to the veneration of President Ikeda, you know? I am thinking about investigating the temples, and also specifically seeking out counseling to help me be strong. Some people say it isn't a cult, but what matters is what I think is right for me.

Nichijew, one parent gone and one remains. The one that remains has a fear of death, which is the anchor that shall keep them in to the end. How is it explained? The same ol' spiel - training, fortune bank, blah, blah, blah. Siblings practiced a bit when younger, but none continued. I was the first "fortune baby" ;-). They weren't "blessed" to see and experience all the things that I got to. Lucky me, huh. As for friends that I knew, they fall on both sides of the spectrum. Some (a minority) are still in it, others (the majority) left. One anecdotal trend that I noticed was that the sincere members from my time (in the YD) invariably quit and the insincere members seemed to later join and get all wrapped up into it, very deeply.