cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: nativeflower ()
Date: January 07, 2005 02:14PM

Hey all,

I was in a cult in easten georgia....I cant stop thinking about things. It has been 4 years, but it was 6 mo. ago that I realized that it really was a cult. mom dragged me home and placed me in rehab..I am out of rehab, but now I feel alone..mostly because if I tell my mom or other family..they just say "stop obsessing" like it is a on off switch. I wonder alot of how I can stop the cult, did the leader know what he was doing ...or if he "believed" it was the will of God. I wonder if my friends got out, and who knew it was a cult and who was the bait? I often think about the leader and his family and most of all his 4 children born into the cult and his wife..if she knew what he was doing? so many questions..proibably none will ever be fully answered. I cant stop worring about my friends, where they are? are they ok? After I left, most of my friends cut off contact with me because the pastor told them I was weak and to avoid me..I know this because he says that about everyone that left.
so I guess I am asking what do I do ...If I cant do do I stop worrying? only 4 of my friends made it out safely. 2 of mt friends had total nervious breakdowns...including me..I wonder alot about them. I am only in contact woth 1 ex member (my best friend) on a regular basis, but I know from word of mouth that 4 made it out safely and living a recovered life. the rest I wonder alot about and I wonder alot about wgo knew and was in on it and who was just a victim

on the plus side..I am using my time well..I am writing a book about this experience..mostly to educate others

I have decided to go back to my native american roots and beliefs, as I am 1/32 (my great grandfather was native american, he used to sit me on his lap and tell me native american stories and fables..he was such a geninine person. I am searching on my own for I know there are cults among the native circles as well, so I have learned disernment from this run in with the cult

by the way...beware of any group that calls themselves "the new apostolic move of God"

with love,


cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: January 08, 2005 09:05AM

Hello Nativeflower :

Cult recovery is a unique and long process. Your family is well intentioned when they tell you to 'stop obsessing'. They simply cannot understand your internal experience. The whole experience is probably so painful for them, they may just want to leave it as if a closed book of family history.

You are fortunate. Thank heavens your family was aware enough to arrange an exit counesling/deprogramming session for you. Cult indoctrination however goes to the core of the person; you will not be done with the process after only the few days of exit counseling.

Please be patient with yourself. It is natural to want to understand what was done to you, why you were vulnerable, and also to be concerned about loved ones with whom you no longer maintain contact. Rebuilding your trust in yourself may take some time.

You might want to work with a therapist who is experienced in cult recovery, explore the various suggested reading lists listed elsewhere on this website, and on other cult recovery websites. There are some wonderfully helpful & informative books available.

Of course, reading through the various postings on these boards can be helpful; you probably are doing that already.

Also, you might explore :



You are embarking upon a long, at times painful, but overall wonderful journey!

Good Luck!

toni :D

cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: nativeflower ()
Date: January 08, 2005 01:15PM


thank you for your makes me feel better that this is the usual path of recovery for this type of event.....I love my mom, she is awesome and your right she does not know what I am going through..I need to see a therapist....I dont know if I will be lucky enough to find one that is educacated on cults in middle georgia...Georgia has a perverse way of dealing with things...they just ignore it..maybe it will go away... name is JoAnne....thanks for your help you're great !!!


cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: January 08, 2005 11:04PM

Hi Again Nativeflower,

Yes, be patient for yourself. it's good you are seeking help - good for you finding this board!

Tx for the compliment, but I'm just someone who was blesssed/cursed to have my life totally crushed by cults. Raised in one, walked away (w/o specialty therapy) 16 yrs ago, then spent another relationship w/ a high level cultee of another group. sigh. As someone else wrote about sharing our education "pay it forward". You will be doing same eventually.

And likewise, my grown kids worried about the nature of my reading the past year -- all about cults, mind control, psychological manipulations, lovingly applied emotional abuse, ugh -- really fun! :? But necessary. It's good to understand what was done, and how I inadvertantly contributed to the experience.

I found my therapist by clicking around on the various recovery websites. You could also do a phone consultation. Other therapists don't 'get it' - the sense of betrayal, the mind F**K, the new self distrust. It's helpful to validate your own sense of confusion, honestly trusting and then being deceived. As you know, some of those deceiving you were themselves deceived; they may not have been even aware of what they were doing.

Unfortunately you cannot save them, can only save yourself.

The real heroes here, IMHO, are the founders of AFF,, etc, etc. - those who've made their career in this marginalized world.

IMHO, most folks don't want to admit that this sort of manipulation exists - it exposes our core vulnerabilities.

And hats off to Corboy for putting up with us!

Happy New Year! :D

cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: nativeflower ()
Date: January 09, 2005 03:19AM


your welcome on the compliments your an amazing did you realize that it was a cult and how did you get out..I have a friend that is a 4th generation cult member ....she resorts to drugs and prostitution to escape her reality...I would like her help her.

congrats on getting out


cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: January 09, 2005 09:16AM

Hi JoAnne,

Sorry to hear about your friend. How painful. Yes, most of the 20-something and 30-something kids in my parents' group either become true devotees, or strung out on other substances to hide from their confusion. so so sad. Some of them find their ways to my house, 2000 miles away from the cult-meca in the USA; they come here for a sense of 'normalcy' (whatEVER that is!) oi! So many neglected children from the various cults - as the parents truly believed they were doing important work elsewhere.

You are doing well to seek help & info. My story already posted, elsewhere. I'll spare repeating it (folks tired of it). As you click around, you'll come across it.

It's much better to accept life's ambiguity, weighting decisions without the black and white answers provided by the cult. IMHO, there are NO absolute rights vs wrongs. Well, except maybe honesty and integrity.

True healing & recovery is a painful and slow process, unlike instant solutions offered by cultthink. And life IS wonderful! And there ARE fantastic honorable honest people in the 'outside' world! And there ARE some really evil charletans floating about.

Good luck!
t :D

cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: nativeflower ()
Date: January 09, 2005 10:16AM

hey Toni!!

it is wonderful that you are refugee for those born into cults....normalcy is soooo important....and yes normalcy sometimes is about facing the read a quote once that I live by......"the moment when you think you have all the are living in a lie"

but ya cultthink.....I never thought about it but your right ...cults seems to have instant fixes and solutions...and in a way it is a relief to me ..because I used to think...something was wrong with me that God would not heal me...and God "heals the these people on tv.....which I found to really be the phesudo effect.

you have a wonderful heart to open your home to these kids.....

someday when I am living on my own...I want to have a foster home for kids with I can teach them to be all they can be.
It is my passion...It hurts me to see people with disabilities, justt earning a government check..there is no dignity in that...I want to raise children with disabilities to be a productive part of society and do what it is they set out to do in life.

well your the best Toni...have you thought about getting government grants and starting a pilot project ( project to set the example for other projects) in a ex-cult rescue/refugee program?? :idea:


cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: January 09, 2005 11:45PM

Hi Jojo,

You are sweet. The kids you care for will be fortunate.

I don't "put up" the kids/ young adults who find their way to my place. Wellspring is the best place for that! Am still doing my recovery process, and learning to be a material girl. Will probably be a lifelong process.

The grapevine passes my phone # along sometimes (I have a few 'nieces' and 'nephews' with whom I stay in close contact). The 20-something grapevine then sometimes brings their friends, the newly defectors Children of the Age of Enlightenment over to my place for Sunday brunch. I am NOT, nor ever will be, a recovery specialist. So sad for these young people to enter adulthood in such confusion - surviving adolescene is hard enough!

But sometimes it's nice for those young adults to see a face that they remember from their early childhood, that tells them they are not crazy, and the outside world is NOT a frightening place. That's the extent of my involvement. I have a demanding 'real life', besides being on this message board. My real work is in another field.

Jojo, I suggest you read about cult persuasion and intimidation tactics, as well as recovery. IMHO, that will help you understand your internal process, provide some suggestions how you could gently open up conversation to your friend.

As a 4th generation cultee, she may never leave. Leaving would mean betraying her entire family and all that they stand for. sigh. IMHO, can only save ourselves, and provide some gentle support to those others who are already questioning. As all the 'experts' write & in my experience, addressing the 'cult issue' directly with those in such groups will backfire.

Happy Recovery!



cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Martin ()
Date: March 11, 2005 04:30AM

Nativeflower --

While I am new to this forum (I joined today, 10 March 05) I am not at all new to/unfamiliar with this very experience. Perhaps I have a little to share that may be of value. If it is, great. If it is not, I hope it will pose no problem.

I began doing Mahesh's "transcendental" meditation in 1968 (then, it was great). Then[/color:dc48c04849] I went on a teacher training course. The meditation wasn't as great then. Then[/color:dc48c04849], then[/color:dc48c04849], then [/color:dc48c04849]lots of experience, lots of courses, lots of experience at the highest levels (I was Mahesh's personal secretary for a while as well a course leader in La Antilla, Spain). [b:dc48c04849]Then [/b:dc48c04849][/color:dc48c04849]by the late 70's my meditation experience was fairly poor and my "life experience" quite depressed.

Very, very long story, very very short version here: I am a seeker. I found a teacher who simply said

[i:dc48c04849]I wonder if you can't integrate the most useful parts of your very rich experience and build confidence from there. If I were talking to you now [/i:dc48c04849][this is from an e-mail exchange, but we do get to talk in person] [i:dc48c04849]I would ask what is the goodness that remains from TM. ... All these elements have some meaning for you and so they aren't mutually exclusive. If you had a clear idea of why each element is important perhaps you could be more confident of the types of practice best suited for you[/i:dc48c04849].

We don't know each other, so an exchange of advice or helpful suggestions is quite difficult, maybe even impossible. Nonetheless, since this was a great help to me, I thought it worthwhile to share.


cant stop thinking about the cult I was in ....any advice???
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: March 11, 2005 10:56AM


Perhaps I have a little to share that may be of value.
........ I am a seeker. I found a teacher who ........

Martin, Hi again,

Sharing anything is of value. Thank you for sharing.

Am just curious, what are you seeking?


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