Jody:

No one need be "trapped in the role of a victim".

Everyone can work through their own issues at their own pace, in their own time and in their own way.

This differs from person to person. No single individual route of recovery should be the required way and/or dictated by others.

There is a "Recovery" section at this Web site with articles by professionals concerned with the issue of recovery regarding cult victims. The process of "healing" is often greatly accelerated and helped by turning to professionals in the filed of counseling and mental familiar with destructive cults. It is not necessary to "heal yourself". Just as people turn to doctors for medical help there are professionals that can help cult victims through the recovery process.

See [www.culteducation.com]

Some cult victims may feel that speaking out is an effective way of helping others to avoid destructive cults. Again, that is a personal choice. Some people feel compelled to speak out and others do not. Speaking out about cult abuse is not embracing "an identity as a victim", but rather an effective way of fighting destructive cults by sharing information in an effort to better inform the public. This is the purpose of this message board and Web site, i.e. public education.

"What greater victory could the 'bad guys' ask for?"

Well, when cult victims remain silent "the bad guys" often get away with it. That is, by speaking out former cult members have exposed cult leaders and in some situations they have been criminally prosecuted. Most often it has been cult victims that have brought cult leaders to justice.

It's great that you found this Web site message board useful in your recovery process.

But please don't presume to dictate the parameters of recovery or of speaking out for others involved in their cult recovery process. That's really up to them and each person will decide this individually on their own terms.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2012 09:55PM by rrmoderator.

I am temporarily retracting my promise to stop posting in here.

You are absolutely correct that there is no time frame for a person's recovery, and I erred in implying there can be one. You are also correct that professional help is often needed and it is important to continue shining sunlight on the leaders and dogmas of some cults and churches. I never disputed those considerations. I am also not presuming to dictate the parameters for any individual's recovery, I am simply emphasizing two self-evident truths. The first one is that any person who allows their past victimization to prevent them from going forward with their life -- however long it may take for them to do so -- has in effect handed a victory to their abusers, a victory that is more than just symbolic. Secondly, it is not conducive to a healthy lifestyle for anyone to assume the mantle of "victim" and spend the rest of their life cultivating it as an identity.

Yes, I was once a victim, and in many regards I retained that as my identity for a long period after the victimization stopped. Then I moved on with my life. Many other "victims" don't do likewise, and I am acquainted with some. Life is good and worth living, and it is important to resolve in our minds that at some point in the future we plan to get on with it. In the absence of that resolution, we risk allowing our victimization to define us, and we risk it becoming a permanent identity and a permanently debilitating factor in our lives.

Jody:

It is also possible for people to move forward with their life and at the same time remain vigilant about a particular group by warning the public, taking part in exposing the group, etc.

It is up to each individual how they want to move forward and whether or not activism through speaking out about cultic abuse remains part of their life.

Yes, I would agree, if an individual has the capacity to both move on with their life and remain active in speaking out about cultic abuse, it is desirable and admirable that they do both.

I can't speak for other cults and churches, but in the case of Christadelphians, wherein defectors have often lost their immediate family, their extended family, their social network, their sense of dignity, their primary identity, etc., doing both is generally problematic. It causes the trauma to be relived.

But you're correct, it doesn't mean it can't happen in some situations.

We'll stop back for visits on occasion. Adieu.

Hold up here for a second, folks. It is clear to me you are both correct in your viewpoints.

Some people can safely "illuminate" the misdeeds of an organization and remain "safe" in terms of their mental and physical and emotional health. Many others cannot, and should indeed "move on."

I am an ex-Christadelphian, took five years to break away from my church, and I have visited these website pages to see how other former members have fared. At the risk of covering ground already covered, unless I missed something, Jody never stated former cult members can't move forward with their lives and remain critics of the groups that injured them. I believe the gist of her message is that cult members must eventually make a conscious effort to move forward and live their lives without allowing their role as a victim to become their primary identity. If there is something erroneous or objectionable about that logic, it escapes me. The moderator indicates Jody is dissuading people from speaking out against the groups they've left. Nowhere did she dissuade anyone from speaking out. To the contrary, she says, "By all means, empathize and commiserate with other victims..." She also did not dissuade anyone from getting professional help if they need it. Nor should these things have been inferred simply because she stated individuals must make a commitment to their own healing.

My experiences were similar to Jody's, although they involved much lesser degrees of coercion and trauma. In my experiences with departees from Christadelphianism and similar groups, I have yet to encounter any cult or destructive church member who was "healed" by a professional in the absence of some kind of personal commitment at some point to their own healing process. No one "fixes" us or heals us without our participation in the process. We can be removed from cults and destructive churches involuntarily, but no genuine recovery starts occurring until an individual says to himself, "I want to overcome this. I want to be whole again. I am making the choice to move on with my life."

It is my impression, from visiting this website and others, that the moderators should read the postings with great thoroughness, so as to do a little less "presuming" and "dictating" themselves. While it is true there isn't any one-size-fits-all pattern of recovery, it's also true no one heals from a cult experience without being an active participant in their own recovery. We can be helped by others, we may heal faster by being vocal in our criticisms of the groups we've left, but ultimately ownership of any recovery is in the hands of the individual.

GeorgeB42:

Very good and grounded advice.

Thank you.

Have my previous messages been posted for all to see? If so, where? If I can't see them maybe no one else can either. I can only find two pages and the last message was posted 2013. Where are all the others?

Hi, Priscilla. There are two threads for the Christadelphian church, one about the church itself, and another discussion for ex-members.

[forum.culteducation.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/06/2016 08:59PM by corboy.

Just in case anyone is looking for info about whether Christadelphians are destructive church, here’s my experience of being born in and still recovering thirty years later. I think its membership is declining in most countries, thank goodness. But sadly there would still be children being hurt today. [medium.com]

If you’ve reached your free reading limit on the Medium platform, the story is also available here for free on substack: [nome.substack.com]