Whole family exits, looking for parenting help
Date: November 16, 2004 02:47AM

Hi, I am new to this forum. I am so glad I found it. I grew up on the fringes of a bibical based group. My extended family was heavily involved since my uncle was one of the top dogs :( . When my parents left (they didn't getting any help and are in strong denial) I saw their actions as sinful and remained heavily influenced by the rest of the family. At 18 I married and threw myself head long into the group. It was my entire life, which consisted of physical, sexual, verbal and spiritual abuse. Six years ago a serious of events came together and I got a clue and left the group and my abusive husband. Suddenly I went from not having any choice in any matter, being in total subjection to single parent head of house and facing the mainstream world. The changes where overwhelming. If it was not for Wellsprings I do not think me or my older two kids would be here today. Despite continued counceling we are still struggling. There doesn't seem to be any resources for whole families when they leave a group like ours. In many ways I have had to grow up with my teen agers. Its been a frusteration for all of us. Any one know of any resourse or have had to face this kind of recovery issue?

Whole family exits, looking for parenting help
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: November 19, 2004 03:15AM

Hi C & R :

Yes, sounds like a challenging road ahead for you. Your children will benefit from your claiming of inner strength and independence.

You've already taken yourselves through Wellsprings -- guess you know more than the rest of us do now! Please share.

Other than that, I think it just takes time for adaptation, and then continuing a life of integrity.

Good Luck!

Whole family exits, looking for parenting help
Posted by: Toni ()
Date: December 20, 2004 12:57AM

Hi C & R :

How goes it with yourself and your children? Holidays can be rough.

Have you seen the DVD "Devil's Playground"? About Amish kids who decide whether to leave or remain. Excellent depiction, IMHO, of the issues involved.

Local libraries, schools, adult ed programs, etc also have classes on effective parenting. Obviously you did not learn such from your upbringing! sigh. Me neither.

Yes, likewise, had to grow up with my now-grown children. I sought as much outside parenting-education information as I could. And I made some mistakes too -- and how! Still, they are grown young adults now, self sufficient, kind, motivated and amazingly they still like me!

You CAN do it. I built my new-support system through other involved parents in the kids' activity world... sports, etc. In my experince the other parents who spend their 'free' time at the side of the soccer field, swim meets, audience of kids' drama performances, volunteer in the schools, are generally folks with similar values as they live them. They are supporting the next generation to have the skills and independence to move onward. (You won't bond with all these families, of course, but you could find a few, at least I did)

These adults became the subsitute extended family for my children; we supported each other through the various shared trials as our kids did their teenage experiementings, etc. (oi!)

It takes time. Nothing real is the instant community support that is falsely experienced in the cult.

Good Luck, and Blessings to you and family this holiday season,

Whole family exits, looking for parenting help
Posted by: amwrites ()
Date: June 21, 2005 10:36PM

I do not know if you are still checking this forum, but I wanted to say that prayer always helps.

I do not know how much your prayer life was affected by your experiences, but it seems to me that now you are free to develop a real relationship with God. A relationship that is strictly your own, and not what someone else tells you it has to be.

From someone who is really concerned about you and your children, I would motivate you to sit down with our Lord and just tell him your problems, your feelings, your concerns, your desires. etc. Be totally honest with Him. Ask Him to help you know how to deal with all that stuff you tell him and to guide you in the right path for you and your children. I trust that He will let you know what to do.

In addition, I would suggest that you do a google search on organizations that help ex-members, but ask God to help you discern which ones are good to go to. He will let you know.

Trust in God always. He loves you and your children.

Whole family exits, looking for parenting help
Posted by: Jaded ()
Date: July 01, 2005 06:04AM

I know where you are and I know how difficult it is to leave with your family. Been there, done that (look up my post)

It is an inner strength. Even now, I look back and wonder if it was really me. Which is me? Then or now? Or still not?

It hurts, still. When you are the leaver, you end up being the one who wears the weight on your shoulders for breaking up the family. For years, no I still do, I felt guilty. I took my sons away from their father. Was I right to do that? Yes. Did I want to keep him away from them? No. Did I cause him to stay away? Probably, not on purpose though. But... am I the one that broke up the family? Yes.

I'm a professional, successful, happy woman. But deep-seeded, I still feel the pain, even though my children have told me time and time again, they don't harbor a resentment and they don't hold anything against me and think I made the right choice.

We all have our guilt in life. I think I want to hold this guilt close to me, rather than the guilt I would have if I had stayed.

Big difference in pain. I'll take what I took with me. I hope you get to the point that you feel the same way.

If you want to talk. I'll talk with you. Been there... feel what you're feeling. Not just empathy.


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