Hi everyone, I am doing a research paper on the after effects of cults, and whether or not a shelter would help. I have some questions for those of you that have been involved in a cult or fundamentalist group if you don't mind answering them. I would appreciate anything you have to say.

If you can think of anything else to add please do. This is something I am also thinking of doing in the future, and I would like to know if it will be worthwhile to open a shelter for ex-cult members.

If you can remember, answer the questions in the way you felt at the time you were going through these steps.


Why did you leave? What influenced you etc.?

What was the hardest step you took towards leaving?

What was the hardest thing to get over once you left? Or, something you are still trying to get over?

Would you have gone to a shelter if needed?

Did you think about or want help when you left?

If yes, why did you not get help?

Have you, or do you think about getting help now?

Would you have gone to a shelter for help if there were one for people leaving cults?

Would it make it easier to go if it were ran by an ex-cult member?

What has helped you overcome the most since you have left?

If you joined a cult why did you join? What appealed to you most about the group?

If you rejoined a cult why did you go back?

Hallow jewles, Hows it going?

First let me say that I don't think a shelter, or at least in the taditional sence, would work or be a good idea. But I don't know every thing.
Comeing from where I came from a shelter would not be Ideal unless you had a whord of people coming from cults all at once needing help. Most of these people do need help.

I think the best thing would be to hook up with family outside the cult, if they have any, or some persons who are willing to care for and teach them or other people from the same cult who have previosly left.

These people are from another country and need to be brought into the US. or another country where they are at, slowly with allot of patiants. These people genraly need allot of help, hell I still do 11 years after leveing.:(

Anyways, your first question is too hard for me to explain youd have to understand the culture of the fundamentalist cult that I'm from.

2. the hardest was the months trying to make the decision.

3. this questons very hard to answer and would take too much time to explain. It would need alot of alucidation.

4. probly not. Why? Because I had a little family not involved in the cult and there where allot of people from there that left anywhere from 10 years to 6 months before I did and we hang out together, worked together, understood eachother and the room I rented was from one of them. To me a shelter dose not feel safe, privat or nessarly comfortable.
A shelter to me seems like a concentration camp it would have bad psycological problems for these people latter on. Sorry This is just my opinion.

I would sugest something more like a hostel hotel or bed and breakfast, somthing that can feal more like home. These people need stubility, security, and routine somthing to do like stewardship and responsibility.
They need those things that make us feal human espcially those who have little or no family once they leve (like me).

5. Yes I thought about it and still do.

6. I tried to get help but at first being extreamly nieve people took advantage of me instead and that caused in me psycological block tword help.

7. Yes

8. Not any more than just to check it out, see what its all about you know.

9. depend's on the ex cult member.

10. nothing's helped me overcome it the most, I'm not sure I have or ever will overcome it. I try to help people where I can, to be a good person and slowly I realise my own needs by seeing them in others. I don't let the bad rule and take what good there was and leve the bad behind. I would say mostly helping others non judgmentaly and with understanding and empathy. By not spreding the hatred I stop it therefore I can grow and see better things in the future.

11. I never went back. I'v had many friends go back and forth some to stay some once and some still go back and forth. I think they go back to see family cause our family's quit associating with us once we leve.

12. Birth the choiceless life. No choice no desicion birth brought me there.

I know allot of people thinking about these same things. people from sevral diferent cults. and I'v discussed it with them in person.
The Idea is honnorable.
But it needs to be implamented in such a way to be the most benificial for the cult escape`.

My first post! :)

Thank you for your reply. It will help. It also sounds so familiar.
I understand why the first one is hard to answer. It is a long hard process coming to the realization that you might leave. I first tried leaving when I was sixteen and didn't actually do it until I was almost twenty.
I wouldn't have gone to a shelter either, no matter what. That's why I am doing this survey. I'm hoping everyone is not like myself. We had a group that would have helped me leave where I'm from but we were taught to look at them like they were the devil. I worry about that too because that is how the people in my group think of me now.
I was born in also.
What group did you come from if you don't mind my asking? I came from the Kingston group. If you have heard of them. They have been in the news a lot lately.
Thanks again
Jewels

H'a I knew you where a "plig kid". (I posted the thred toni started first).

I also am a plig kid. I'll pm, you where from when I have 10 posts.

I'd like to give as little detail here as possable.
I have met with the kingstons they tried to bring me into there fold about 6-7 years ago one time when I was visiting the little family I have in Utah.
I think I led them to belive I was interested, I wanted ansewers so I tricked them.
I don't remember names sory. I'v done that to the allred and peterson groupes as well and the groupe that is in big lake near page Az. I cant remember there name Joseph sombody I think.
I also know maney of the ex lebaron's from Mexico maney of whome are now close friends, buisness asociates and inlaws.

Do you know any Biglies? (I don't know if I spelled this right) I know some from the kingston groupe, or the Greens I dont remember, of cource they'v left there groups.
You don't need to answer this I'm just curious.

From what you posted in the thred toni started I knew you where a plig kid like me.

Oh! jewls!
I forgot to mention in my last post that I formaly had my user name changed.

So I ask nicely:D if you will please edit your post ot change my name to the one I'm using now.

Thank's verry much :)

Oh and I'm verry sory to hear about you stillborn thats verry verry sad. :cry:
I hope the very best for you and your family.

Now you have me wondering where you are from and if I know you.

After I left I looked into the Allred group, the Neilson's, the Zitting's, Kelche's, Barlow's, etc. I have been to Colorado City and stayed with Barlows. There are also some Lebaron's and Petersons' in the Kingston group. I know some Naylor's, Steed's. That's all I can think of now.

I could tell you were from the same kind of thing I was too. Strange how you pick up on the small familiar things.

Who is the group near Arizona? I have been to one done there. I think it was Jessops. Few houses had indoor plumming. I have a friend in another group like that. They are Thompson's (my friend is).

I am not familiar with the Biglies though. It could be a Kingston name, they change their last names all the time. So I know everyone by their original names.

6 or 7 years ago I would have been there. That was a year or two before I left. I could ask my parents who you are. Just Kidding I wouldn't do that. The group was so secluded that everyone knows everyone.

I doubt we'v met, but one never knows. It wouldn't suprise me if we had.

I'v visited many of the same places and people's groups.
Colorado city has two subsiquint groups, the first being Jeffs and the latter is Hammon and Timson. I'v talked quite a bit with the latter, since they seem more open.
The Jeffs groupe is known as the first ward and the latter the second ward.
This distiction came from a split in the mid 1980s.

The first ward will hardly talke to anyone including authoritys (police ect.) for any reason they have set up spokesmen for comunication with the outside world.
these people are extreamly vauge. Witch in my expiriance is very dangerous.

Yours, the Kingstons are much the same I only met them in the house of my relatives when on vacation, so I did'nt actualy go there. I met with them about 5 times.

Was the place you went to in Az. near lake powell and page?
Also those last names you mentiond are conected to all the pligymust groups I know about. I think that is interesting cause they all seem to have leadership, or higher positions in the group they represent. Almost like a Dynasty of some sort. I'v heard rumers that they convein or meet with one another, I have no proof of this though.
I thought you may find this interesting.

Good questions, Jewels!
Whoa! I have not thought about all of these details in a LONG time... so here goes :


* Why did you leave? What influenced you etc.?

I wanted to live my own life, without someone telling me my thoughts were wrong, or that i had to go to sleep at a certain time, eat only certain foods, use certain body lotions, etc. - all in the name of facilitating higher spiritual consciousness. The goal of all was Cosmic Consciousness to get off the wheel of karma, and never reincarnate again.

Was all way too ridiculously controlling the way everyone lived. Also, the children of the group were always neglected while the parents went off to meditate or go to meetings. I refused to leave my children so much (the way my parents had done), but then i was judged as 'off the Program' - a great stigma.

* What was the hardest step you took towards leaving?

The hardest step was convincing my then husband to leave the community. That took a couple of years to accomplish.

* What was the hardest thing to get over once you left? Or, something you are still trying to get over?

After leaving, the hardest thing was learning to connect in a meaningful way with people who did not share that background, or did not have the same lingo.

Currently still trying to hone my 'bullshit detectors'. I'm way too gullible, just assuming that folks are always as honest as I am. Was sad to learn that is not so.


* Would you have gone to a shelter if needed?

If I was being physically abused and was unable to work, I suppose I would have done that. But I've always been willling to work hard, so never had the need of that.

* Did you think about or want help when you left?

It never occured to me! That is why I'm learning all about this now, 16 years after the fact! oh well, better late than never.

* If yes, why did you not get help?

Didn't occur to me; I didn't know it existed.

* Have you, or do you think about getting help now?

Have done so, for sorting through the residual magical thinking, and social vulnerabilities. Has been an immensely growth producing year or two!

* Would you have gone to a shelter for help if there were one for people leaving cults?

I didn't even identify it as a cult until a few years ago (what planet was I on?!)

* Would it make it easier to go if it were ran by an ex-cult member?

There was a group that used to exist, for those who left my family's group. They struck me as a bunch of fanatics at the time. In reality, they probably would've been helpful, but I did not contact them.

* What has helped you overcome the most since you have left?

Obtaining an education and jumping fully into community life ... e.g. Little League coach, volunteering in my kids' schools, professional associations, etc. Such involvement gave me a different social paradigm to replace the cult, and also learned to communicate w/o the cult lingo.

Many young people from the cult, twentysomethings, still show up at my house periodically for a sense of 'normalcy' (whatever that is!)

* If you joined a cult why did you join? What appealed to you most about the group?

Did not join. It was my parents' group, then I married young in the group rather than attending their advanced trainings (several months' long meditation courses in Europe), and popped out 3 children in my twenties.

The Community support, emphasis on drug free and health conscious living, was very seductive. Was easy to share child care, easy to coordinate a group to go to the beach or have a Superbowl party at home. Always ran into 'friends' in the grocery store etc. Gave a small town sense of security and safety.

Now years later, for those who still live there - it is so hard to tell who is related to whom! They've all married, divorced and remarried within the group so many times, having kids along the way. The ongoing 'joke' (but true!) is that the young people currently in the group need a map to know who is really safe to date, and who is not a real relative, in order to avoid an incestuous liason. Many of the young people now leave though.

* If you rejoined a cult why did you go back?

Did not rejoin, but visited the town a couple of times with my children. Have to admit, the simplicity, easy comradry, automatic support system is seductive. Could easily fantasize moving back and having a supportive community. But that fantasy was always fleeting (thank heavens!). I know others who moved away, and then returned later for the community support. Still others (the majority of those who left that group) are busy cult-hopping on an ongoing basis.
My guess is they did not succesfully learn to interact socially, nor obtain a true inner self identity. They need someone to provide their connection to 'God' 'higher consciousness', etc or to provide the rules of morality.

Toni,
Thanks for your reply. It is hard to remember everything once you have been gone for a while. I made myself forget it all, and then I started forgeting too much. So I try to deal with it. I've done a few interviews too, so I had to remember it again.

It took my paresnt a few years to leave. Well more like about ten. For the first few years they would not talk about how they felt with each other. After they did it took another couple years.

I used to kick myself when I would be too gullible. Then I read your post and it helped me realize why I was.

It is funny how drawn to people you are that share your same background, and how hard it is with people that don't.

One thing I have to say. I don't know the situation but be careful with taking your kids around them. A few people in my group that left had their kids sucked in.

You must have been a good member if they still let you around or just not as strict as what I'm thinking. I will have the cops called on me if I'm caught on any of their property. I helped a few others out in the odd hours of the nght. HE. He.

How long has it been since you left?

Thanks for the kind caution about my children.
They are grown now, and relish their freedom. The oldest was 10 when we left; she still has memories. The other 2 remember very little. They do know their grandparents are 'weird'. Yes, my 'kids' enjoyed the easy rapport when visiting the group, but after a few days they couldn't wait to get away. Too stifling. Still I brought them to visit so they would know our family history, both good and bad.

To answer your question : I left when I was 30, am 46 now.
The stricter folks of the cult certainly reject me. At one time I was being groomed to be a 'poster child' for them, but I declined. A long story from my teens. My old friends still accept me, but feel sorry for my children and me as we 'are such lost souls' deep sigh. They always tell me how I'll eventually move back. eeery because so many folks do return.

I'll let you know if I ever resolve the 'gullibility' issue. BTW, Rick Ross' DVD about abusive / controlling relationships is excellent. Am really trying to recognize the red flags before I'm bowled over by manipulators now. Let me know if you figure that one out!

And, sorry to hear about your pregnancy lost. That is painful.