Becker and Freedom Fighter, I just wanted to reach out to both of you so much. I miss my sister also, I miss my mum and dad and my cousins and my friends. My mum works for her cult, she works full time, often up to 16 hours a day in the busiest times, throughout the whole year, and gets paid in a year what my husband makes in a month. But they are a registered "charity," and she is a "volunteer," so there are no laws I can bring against them. even at my worst, over winter, when my life was being threatened by my best friend, there was nothing I could do. My word against a group with a perfect PR machine running 24 hours a day. I completely understand the powerlessness and the fear and I wish I could be there in person with both of you. You are both so brave - and you both WILL find joy in this lifetime, believe me. Freedom Fighter, you wrote that the human spirit is not tricked forever, and that just warmed me so much. Your insight and understanding is beautiful, a shining light that rises from the darkness of your past. I know you're hurting but you give hope to me, to all of us. What just absolutely kills me is the lies and justifications that those who are literally brainwashed will go to, in order to STAY blind when the light of truth is literally slapping them in the face. Becker too, you're right, our loved ones will so willingly hurt us to preserve their lies, because the truth of having spent a lifetime on an awful path, of doing the bidding of someone who is cruel and unjustified in their heart and an expert liar is just too unbearable for them. This is why the people we love will hurt us, will literally choose their lies over their own flesh and blood. It's suffocating sometimes, but the pain will go away, the waves of anger and agony eventually die down. I'm here for you, for both of you, as a friend if either of you need it. Safe hugs and love to both of you xxx

Jupiter

Jupiter,
I do need a friend like you. I've always been a giver and it feels strange for me to say I need someone but this road to recovery has been a lonely one. I too wish I could be face to face with you. Besides my sister and psychologist there has been nobody that can really understand the depth of these cult issues. My mom is slowly facing things but being around her is draining because of her denial and self pity. She did lose her two sons and I'm sure feeling responsible for that is too much to deal with. We can only do the best we can and keep moving forward.

Today has been one of my down days. Hard to feel like I can shed that feeling of being stuck and tired of fighting for personal feedom. Thankyou for the encouragement.

I want to be a police officer for my future career and I know I can physically accomplish it, but there are days that my emotional state still cripples me. I can kiss my cop idea goodbye if this continues. I don't want that cult creep to have the satisfaction of taking down another. It's all so depressing. I wish there was a magical button I could push and let every bit of sadness, pain, frustration, anger and whatever else remotely related to cult just pop away out of my memory and life forever. I don't think I ever realized what a burden I have been caring on my back for so long.

When I was still in the cult and agonizing over how i was going to escape I had a dream one night while sleeping. In this dream it was like a veil was lifted off of me and I could see the truth of what was happening in pure clarity. I was seeing for the first time what real freedom was. It's alwost like I had died and I was in heaven or the "other side" so to speek. Very real dream. It felt more real than my earthly reality. Nothing has ever happened to me like that since. It was the key that started my plan on leaving that place because I knew where I was, is literally hell.

FF,

I too have days where it just crushes me. I still have my mum phoning me up and begging for me to come back, I still have people trying to control me sometimes and sometimes it just feels like everything is over. I too have had a not too brilliant day with it. I've had dreams like the ones you've described too - normally I just have nightmares but lately I've had some positive ones, where I feel guided and I can put my faith in something knowing I've made the right decision. I'm right here for you xxx

Jupiter

thanks jupiter

I used to think i was the odd one who went through too much.....just bad luck that i was born to my parents and not to some normal people but this forum, website and people like ypu showed me that it is possible to move on and live a normal life after cult life.....now I know there are quite a few people with the same experiences as mine...to know this helps me open up to myself and others