Thank you for responding. Reepicheep. It is good to know that there is one still around close to my corporate office. I know now that I have to be careful at corporate events in case anyone there is entrenched. I had one of the most effed up childhoods of anyone I can remember. Starting with being molested at an early age and running from that right into the hands of a freaking cult and all I get from anyone is well that was a long time ago. Get over it. But nobody can tell me how. Therapy doesn’t help. I bury it for awhile and then all of a sudden these things keep coming back to haunt me. Becky Bailey was very nice to me. Lee however in my young creeped me out. But most men did back then. I don’t blame them but at the same time, all I was doing was babysitting all the young kids. I wanted to play my clarinet in band and public school was my escape of what seemed like going to church 4 nights a week and now I was going there everyday for school as well. At 57 years old this should all feel like a dream and yet it seems like everything happened yesterday. I’m sorry for what seems like vomiting up the past. But both my mom and dad are gone and there is no one to talk to.

S H O U T E D

"It has come to my attention from credible sources regarding a series of sexual assaults that took place during the CONIAH days by a single perpetrator (HOLBROOK copycat?) that were all covered up by the ministries in charge. This appears to have been a systemic problem with coordinated efforts to suppress the violations, further victimizing the victims, while those involved attempted to maintain the appearance of being good shepherds. To make matters worse, a number of these ministries were later sent out to start new churches, carrying this DNA with them, something that percolated all the way to the top in the TLW/RICK HOLBROOK scandal.

No names were divulged regarding the victims, the perpetrator, or the ministries, but many of these occurrences happened during the early to mid 70s. Having not been a member of CONIAH myself, I have no idea who was sitting on the platform at the time, but chances are many went on to 'greater glory' during the heydays of TLW, not realizing the devastating consequences their decisions had on the victim's lives.

I am not aware of any legal action being pursued regarding these issues, but perhaps the guilty parties involved would do some deep soul-searching and own up to the consequences of their actions which had to be lived out by the victims and not swept under the carpet for appearance sake.

To quote one of the sources: "They deserve to know what others know, and what lives were damaged because of their enabling."

That which has been hidden should be shouted from the rooftops.

D A U G H T E R S

Let us think of our daughters, and those we view as such.

Given the fact that these girls were vulnerable teenagers who had suffered a horrifying experience, they were then told by those who should have protected them, "Tell no one." This only inflicted further damage.

Then there was the humiliating one-on-one meeting with the 'headmaster' who demanded to hear every excruciating detail regarding the incident (much to his pleasure), and the victim was then encouraged to repent for not 'resisting the advances'.

The final indignity was to immediately leave this proceeding and step outside to meet their perpetrator one-on-one to allow him to apologize for his indiscretion. This of course was followed with the admonition to TELL NO ONE.

Some victims were either shunned, publicly shamed, kicked out, or in one case, have already passed on.

This is what shepherding looked like at CONIAH during the 70s, and those shepherds who were complicit need to look themselves in the mirror and consider the consequences of their decisions.

Let us think of our daughters, and how they might have been treated.

Hey! It's been awhile. I keep trying to put the Living Word behind me, but it keeps popping back up. :-) Today a relative of mine made an offhand remark at her job that she had been part of a cult. That other person replied, "Oh, the one in Kalona? I just saw a video documentary about that on Youtube."

Apparently someone who lived across the street from the church in Palmer Lake broke in and took a bunch of tapes and this week's. She has played and read some of them on her Tik Tok channel, which then caught the attention of a YouTuber who made a 30 minute documentary. Here's the link in case you haven't seen it. My apologies if you all have already discussed this and I just missed it. :-)

[youtu.be]

JesusJesusJesus wrote:
Hey! It's been awhile. I keep trying to put the Living Word behind me, but it keeps popping back up

Which reminds me, if anyone spots me in public wearing an oversized Hawaiian shirt, they have permission to take me out. Just assume I'm too far gone.
/s

Posted by: that little red flag ()
Date: November 06, 2018 02:23PM

CHANGEAGAIN wrote:

Possible book titles:
'Excluded From Leadership'
'Not Given An Answer'
'Where are We Hiding the Money?'
'God Wears a Hawaiian Shirt'

I vote for God Wears a Hawaiian Shirt
And not just any Hawaiian shirt, but ones that are always way too big. (Which is why he developed that nasty distracting habit of pulling at the sleeves.)

A few posts from January 2019. The first one references the Coffee Table of Israel that many of us helped purchase.

Posted by: that little red flag
Date: January 12, 2019 05:54PM

Changedagain- please behave (although), I couldn’t tell from the conversation what was going on. You are almost a founding member, and are needed here to keep us smiling with your jokes and sarcasm. I’m extremely thankful you are still posting!

Also, I heard the Honolulu home sold, along with the very famous coffee table we all donated toward. Do we all feel like we should have egg on our face donating for someone with all the money Gary apparently has? Boy, were we fooled.

POBHG - sometimes it’s hard to see it clearly, but honestly, Changedagain is truly one of the best people I know. He just has a different sense of humor, and a way with words. Seriously.

Prettyboy - give me Take 5 over any of those. Enjoy your time in the pine trees!

Posted by: changedagain
Date: January 12, 2019 06:12PM

Thank you for your kind words, Marci.
Yeah, I've been here a long time, with over 1400 posts to date...some of them, I think, have actually helped people ;)
Anyway, we're bound to have some internal strife as we're all looking to uncover the truth about what is and has taken place within this cult. To our credit, I think we have handled our disagreements in a far more mature & civil manner than those who have claimed to represent Christ in the earth. A low bar, I know.
Let's continue on, and expect the future to be much brighter for each one of us.

Posted by: Walked
Date: January 12, 2019 09:55PM

If only more had seen this palace while we were still duped, and living hand-to-mouth to afford G & M these absurd luxuries. What do 2 people need a house like that for? And how many "sheep" ever set foot in it? How could anyone have seen this and known that it was one of (how many?) houses they "owned" and not been suspicious or questioning of their true motives? I for one wish I had seen the luxury they lived in. My guess is that Gary is selling off U.S. assets and fleeing to Brazil where he might be safe from U.S. prosecution? The poor Brazilians have probably not quite caught wind of the typhoon hitting the States. To think that I ever thought anything good of Gary or Marilyn makes me feel like such a naive fool. They're the basest of con-artists. Marilyn got away with it, but I hope Gary pays.

Actually, I contributed toward the purchase of a Lexus as a birthday gift, when I was still part of the fellowship. I was long gone by the time the "very famous coffee table" entered the scene.

The first one references the Coffee Table of Israel that many of us helped purchase.

Post from May 2022:

Posted by: Reepicheep
Date: May 04, 2022 09:20PM

sierradawn wrote:

"My mother felt she couldn't make decisions on her own. That is spiritual abuse, dxxn it. All these years of her being involved destroyed that decision-making ability and then some. I'm embarrassed for my Mom when I read her emails to you, pouring out her soul, looking for validation, approval and direction. That is what the church reduced her to. I'm glad she got out when she did, so she could experience life in freedom, if only for a short while."

Sierradawn's account of her mother's abuse was one of the the most powerful keys to my awakening and saying "enough". Her parents were good people. "I'm embarrassed for my Mom when I read her emails to you, pouring out her soul, looking for validation, approval and direction." I understand this. I was horrified reading Shalom's letters too. I recognized that form of tortured scraping and bowing from my own letters to church leaders. I needed permission to exist at all.

What the hell did they do to us? I think that we had a form of Stockholm syndrome. This is so opposite to my true self. I remember Ann Huisman as a strong woman. I didn't know her well, but enough to be sure that she was entirely capable of making good decisions entirely on her own. This is how we were reduced from personhood into little children begging favors from abusive parents. The Larsons, the Hargraves, JRS, and so many more were tyrants. I hope that my daughter doesn't have to read those letters I wrote to shepherds after I'm gone and be embarrassed. I want her to read what I have written here and be inspired that her mom stood up. This is for Shalom, for Ann, for my daughter. They can send anonymous letters to my husband all they want. I will not stop speaking. They should be afraid because I know a lot.

Re: "Christ in the flesh"

Posted by: changedagain
Date: December 21, 2020 10:13AM

I don't think there was any Walk teaching as pernicious as "Christ in the Flesh."
Although theoretically it was referring to the many-membered "Body of Christ," in practice it applied to John Stevens, and later to G & M. Any problem you might have had with these leaders, once communicated, would be twisted by these leaders as a problem with God. Of course, that opened the door for so much latitude in abusing the rank and file...who ended up at the mercy of predatory leaders. The net result was that anyone tightly connected to these leaders pretty much had free reign to do whatever the hell they wanted with other members of the fellowship (i.e. Rick and his enablers), as long as "Mom and Dad" were O.K. with it. On paper, there were many "ministries" who were given responsibility to "shepherd the flock," but everyone knew who really ran the show, and how you would have to act and think if you were going to remain in good standing within the fellowship. The only solution, for those with a moral compass, was to leave. Communication of wrongdoing within this corrupt organization did no good, and simply made the communicator a target of harassment. Most of us here have experienced that.

As Puddington put it:
I’ve recently talked with several current LW members who are encouraged about what is happening at TLWF. They are pointing out to me that Gary is demonstrating total integrity by requesting the 360 degree evaluation letters from congregants.

And then it dawned on me. Everything written in those letters he already knew about. He had to. Knowing how everything is run by G&M, he had to be following the reports about Rick. But by collecting feedback letters, he could play this charade of fake shock and surprise. And then he could issue a public statement like “gosh, we had no idea this was going on”. It is a clever way to cover his butt and create a condition of “plausible deniability”.

Changeagain - I am with you they can send anything they want to try and silence me. I will forever speak up against this cult in the hopes that I can I help at least one person escape and/or never get invested in this crap at all.

As an adult, I am apalled at what my teenage self believed. I know that it wasn't my fault but I keep thinking how could I be so dumb.

Their control over everything is what broke me. I remember telling my dad he might as well move my bed and dresser to the church I was there ever single flipping day.

I was a band student from a public school and they tried to take away from me too. That was their undoing. It was my only escape from what I was living in and I loved band. They would have probably have had a very faithful kid if they hadn't have pushed that last little bit.

I for one am glad they did.