> Something else that struck me is when I got an > email that Marilyn had died. I read it and felt > absolutely no emotion at all whatsoever. For 7 of > my 10 years in TLW, I was directly responsible to > Morene and Marilyn. For all intents and purposes, > they were my pastors, and I was at their beck and > call. I'm only realizing now, I actually had no > real relationship with either of them.
kbyrne: A master/servant arrangement would not necessarily produce a feeling of closeness or a sense of affection in either the servant or the master. And a master is not the same as a pastor.
From wikipedia: The word "pastor" derives from the Latin noun pastor which means "shepherd" and is derived from the verb pascere – "to lead to pasture, set to grazing, cause to eat".
To me that sounds like a much more caring relationship than the one you describe. Jesus washed his disciples' feet. It seems to me that in TLWF, the top leaders used people and had them at their "beck and call", but forgot to love them and to care for their needs.
P.S. to kbyrne: I know what you mean. I didn't feel much on the news of M's passing, and probably many people on this forum had a similar reaction. If there is no personal two-way relationship, the feeling is very detached. It is based more on obligation than on love.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2018 10:45PM by GoingRogue.
kbyrne & goingrogue - I took a while to reply to your messages about what you felt when Marilyn died because I had to really look at what I experienced at that time.
I had a very close relationship to Marilyn for many years starting in 1971 unti about 2007. I had pulled away from the church and wouldn't go to church services or get involved in any of the hoo-hah for a long time. My mom died in 2007 and I felt like I didn't have to pretend or protect her anymore. But it wasn't until 2013/2014 when my best friend since we were 3 or 4 got sick and passed away, that I realized how in prison I still was to the "walk" and especially to Marilyn.
When my mom died and when my friend Nan died, I was a basket case. It is still very painful to me and I miss them every day.
I didn't know what I would feel when Marilyn died - but like both of you, I felt no emotion at all. Nothing. I felt less sorrow about her death than I have felt for public figures I've never met (Anthony Bourdain for example). I was surprised and very relieved.
I started "peeling the onion" after that and one of the mantras I was saying was "actions speak louder than words." We have been fed so much bullshit about our importance, how much we are loved, how valued we are by the leadership, etc. etc. etc. But the experience was completely lacking in any conduct or actions that would support those statements.
It was normal in the course of events in the walk for you to be praised as the beat all to end all one day and then completely ignored the next time you were around the ones who had just vowed love and allegience to you. REPEATEDLY. It was no wonder we became driven for approval because it felt so much better than what I call being treated like a potatoe. And we all know it went further than just being ignored - they would actively shun you like you had a disease. UNTIL the next time they needed to round you up and "pull you in" because they needed something from you.
One of G&M's tricks was when they had someone really serving them night and day, 100%, they would make a fuss over that person from the pulpit. A few times they even made tape recordings of messages about how wonderful the person was. But never, NEVER, did they stop and see how that person was actually doing mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. People don't realize how cheaply G&M bought them as slaves. I didn't.
So I hope no one feels bad if they had no emotional reaction to Marilyn's death. I think she was separate from us for a long time and much more than we realized.
True confessions here. I too, felt absolutely no emotions when Marilyn passed away. I felt a little sad for those that still worshipped her, because I knew their whole world had been turned upside down. But I felt nothing. No sadness or joy. Maybe it was a sign to me of the distance I have gained between the LW and myself.
One thing I remember was how Marilyn used to say “Insecurity is the satan of the kingdom”. But knowing what I know now. I see how she used insecurity as a power tool against us. Maybe that made her an angel of darkness.
Interesting: I happened across a complaint against Scientology filed in the Superior Court in Los Angeles back in 2009. I have no opinion on the quality of the complaint (except I know the lawyer who filed it is a pretty well known and respected person) and I have no idea if this lawsuit was successful -- but it is interesting to me to see the misuses of a church with many similarities to the walk, described in a lawsuit.
The labor violations are categorized in one part as "human trafficking." OMG I never thought of that...but this complaint spells it out pretty clearly.
This complaint also spells out info on the use of minors for work instead of school. And describes the intentional infliction of emotional distress.
All very interesting. Just food for thought.
I can't get the darn file down to small enough to attach on the forum so you can look it up on Google under: DeCrescenzo v Church of Scientology LASC Case No. BC411018. I got it thru my account with Scribd.