Hello. I've been following you all since late October when the house of cards began to fall. I am so grateful that you all are here to help those of us who are just now seeing the truth.

A few things about me is I'm 3rd generation, born to 1st generation brought into LW as an infant. I was part of the unfolding and unwrapping. I'm reluctant to post my whole story as I have family members who are still loyal to LW but I will post some chapters that do not involve them, as I heal. I am seeing a professional counselor to help my healing process.

In reference to 2018 fireworks show in Iowa. The 2017 show had 5000+ spectators. It had just gotten to BIG. Shiloh hired a professional company to deal with traffic due to after the 2016 show, it took over 2 hours to get everyone out. There was a reduced 2018 show but no fireworks larger than what could be shot electronically. No manual lit which meant that the LA crew handled all of it. They no longer needed or had use for the Richmond shooters. Local first responders; law, fire and EMS units were invited to attend.

onion,

in no way did i find your recent account as coming from one who is pitiful, not at all. rather, yours is an unfolding accounting of a truly visceral and raw human experience. reading that was akin to ingesting pricks of pain and honey-coated hope in the same ladleful. truly moving, layer by layer. no accident, that you chose "onion" as your moniker on this forum, heh? thanks!


p.s. completely unrelated, but if anyone on this forum has a copy or knows someone who may have a copy of fraction's "moon blood" lp be alerted, if it is one of the 200 originally pressed in 1971 it is potentially worth considerable dollars. last month, i obtained a copy that was part of a record collection i had purchased and sold it 2 days later for $2,000, wholesale. fraction was an LA band affiliated with lw and as far as i know their records were only sold in lw churches. not so long ago, an autographed copy of this lp sold for $4,500!

Reepicheep mentioned boundaries, and I think healthy boundaries is something that has to be re-learned post TLWF. Allowing a human to take the place of God is so destructive to the most sacred part of our lives. The deception of false “words from God” is that they bypass the normal filter of human communication and destroy us from the inside out. When you really open up, you are defenseless. Even a spouse doesn’t typically enter the most private parts of our hearts – it’s too risky to share with another human, and I would suggest, meant for God alone. Many, myself included, put far more weight on what the leadership of TLWF had to say than our own spouses. In hindsight, that should have been a red flag. Loving Marilyn more than my wife was simply adultery – she never was God. There should be no closer human relationship than our spouse.

A couple of books that have been very helpful to me in re-learning boundaries are “Boundaries” and “The One-Life Solution” by Dr. Henry Cloud, a New York Times Bestselling author. Another great book for helping re-gain a sense of responsibility and direction for your life, so you don’t stagnate in the aftermath of TLWF, is “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield, co-creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul and also a New York Times Bestseller. Perhaps the quickest way to recover from unhealthy relationships is to establish healthy ones – starting with our self. We tend to attract others just like us. It’s helpful to be armed with some insight so you can identify healthy (and unhealthy) people. There are many wonderful people in the world, none perfect, that will give you hope that life really can be better than what you have known in the past.

early thursday morning i think the temp. in iowa city was about -25F and then on mid=afternoon saturday was about +45. to put this in context for you californians , this would equate to your enjoying 70 degress and then less than 2 1/2 days later it's 0 degrees. perhaps somewhat akin to being in the walk one day and then, shortly afterwards, not being in the walk. each, therein, requires adaptability and, for the latter case, this forum is a splendid and remarkable vehicle in navigating this daunting and poignant transition. it is like a smorgasbord offering a vast variety of helpful hints - you don't eat meat, well there is an abundance of veggies and pasta or rice; or rather, you eat dead animal remains (as do i, similar to most hunter/gatherers, let's throw in some pinion nuts with that juicy squirrel), goodness look at all the pork, fish, beef and chicken. my analogy is essentially to illustrate, (particularly to brave onion but certainly to others of this forum) this buffet of widely varied perspectives is a balm, from currently professing christians such as JJJ to myself, an agnostic secular humanist (joke - what is an agnostic? - an agnostic is an atheist hedging his/her bet), and the hugs of love from the likes of larrybobo, reepicheep, nancyb, red flag, kboy, changedagain and the so many others, so many others that this forum offers so much chocolate i fear because from my love of chocolate (esp.,the dark kind) i might explode. this environment is so rich with nutrients for the soul that ole jack with his bean would have gladly traded his bean for what you all have and no doubt his mom would have upbraided him for what she would have regarded as an even more stupid choice.

onion, you are a shining gem. your past is passed; shine on you crazy diamond (pink floyd/ syd barrett), yet you are not crazy but you are a diamond and i believe that everyone reading these posts absolutely knows this. so shine on, shine on and on and on. the years were not wasted because those years of living and experiencing what you have experienced have brought you to this point in time, the absolute of life and living, the present. in this present you so shine.
happy trails to you and all the merry merries on this steamrolling train, affectionately, prettyboy

p.s., maybe put on some music that you love and relax. it can be a nice balm too

CARo, welcome to the forum. see you when i may see you

you embrace me, i embrace you and love endures. truth may or may not prevail, hopefully, love will

Pretty boy said
onion, you are a shining gem. your past is passed; shine on you crazy diamond (pink floyd/ syd barrett), yet you are not crazy but you are a diamond and i believe that everyone reading these posts absolutely knows this. so shine on, shine on and on and on. the years were not wasted because those years of living and experiencing what you have experienced have brought you to this point in time, the absolute of life and living, the present. in this present you so shine.

I want to reiterate what pretty boy said to Onion. My words are not as eloquent as yours but having known Onion for the last 40 years, her shining is what helped me see. Thank you Onion for shining brightly so I could see.

i had a resolution when i first logged on to this forum 2 or so months ago to not get too absorbed in the day to day. after all, i was 4 decades removed from lw/shiloh bull/horse/turtle shit. goodness, what did i have to offer, what did i have to gain or give? so much for my resolve, my postings a testament to initial resolutions turned out to be poppycock. why? the change. easily explained, i escaped the ruse but so many others did not and those that did not now wrestle with "who am i"? you are who you are today, not yesterday

Okay CARe - You better pm me so I don't go nuts trying to figure out who you are. Welcome to this forum regardless. It's a great place to find support and give support. Thanks for your words.

I spent much of the day perusing and pondering... I was looking up a book on Anaheim that my good friend referred me to called "Rape of the Mind" from decades ago about mind control. While in that section on Amazon, a kind book/combo of two articles popped up called (1) How to Analyze People and (2) How to secretly manipulate people. I looked at it long enough to see the section titles but I couldn't read it because I felt sick. The techniques in these little papers would teach anyone how to read people in personal ministry and how to convince people to follow your every direction.

Sections such as: Encourage them to say no then yes (Want to buy this Mercedes Benz oh but even better here is an affordable little Audi coupe.)

Inspire fear then provide relief.

Use guilt, play the victim.

Use logic to appeal to rational people.

Bribe them.

And under persuasion, we have: Overcome trust issues, know your purpose, stay calm and confident, manipulate your body language to send a message, and then most important - master the art of secrecy.

Sound familiar? In my quest to understand how certain things were done by JRS, I was looking at the transference of energy and various spiritual tricks that any of us can learn. In that context, there has been a lot of discussion about JRS' private library with books on witchcraft (he mentioned it himself many times) but that was only one section. There were also numerous books on human behavior and psychology. "How to make friends and influence people" and probably many like those I mentioned above.

There was a bag of tricks involved. I sure did love the word but to quote my favorite influence, "The Thrill Is Gone." Amen and thank God.