@changedagain-- check PM-- there's some sh*t in your inbox!!! :)

I am a new user to this forum, but have been following the most recent comments since Shalom’s letters were made public. In time I would like to start reading from the beginning of the entire forum; I’m sure it will answer questions I cannot find elsewhere.

For days I’ve struggled with what to say, what not to say, and how to say it. I was born into the “church” (or as I refer to it, a business) in the early 1980’s. My parents both served under John + Marilyn, and my Mom is one of the Blix girls. Growing up I was always in my parent’s shadow, being referred to as “so-and-so’s child” at every church I visited/moved to. It wasn’t until I left the church 15 years ago, that I actually developed my own identity, separate from my parents. Many of my family members still attend various churches. Of my immediate family, I am the only one that “blew out”, and it has caused a rift in our relationship. Even prior to my departure, I felt like the Lone Wolf in my family.

I use social media like many and am following what’s being said on Facebook, although I have not shared any of my experiences publicly. My family members are watching the posts, too (some more than others), and they have been silent to my dismay. They do communicate with me still, but the words that come out of their mouths are still “walk talk”. They say what is happening is God’s will, and tell me a lot of bible stories as reinforcement. Occasionally they convey how heartbroken they are about the stories they read, but their actions don’t match their words. They are so deeply rooted in the church that I truly don’t think they would know how to lives their lives without it, and are trying everything they can to keep the church alive. I’m really trying to let love guide me in this process, but most days I feel hopeless knowing that I’ve lost my family to this cult.

When I “blew out”, it wasn’t because of disbelief in Gary & Marilyn, JRS, or the Living Word. I actually still believed that I was brought into something wonderful, that they truly loved me and my family, and I was lost for a long time after leaving. My first true moment of disbelief was listening to the word Gary brought just after Marilyn passed away. I was “allowed” to attend Marilyn’s funeral and was instructed to listen to it before the funeral. It’s been a couple years since I’ve heard it, so I’m going to point out the main points that really stuck out to me.


1. Gary saw the Lord huddled in a corner of his home, and he said it was the first time he’d seen him in his physical being. This happened a couple nights before Marilyn’s passing if I remember correctly.

2. He knew the Lord was there for Marilyn, thus he didn’t approach or speak to the Lord.

3. Not once in the word did Gary mention what the Lord physically looked like.


The reason these stuck out to me and really made me question the validity of Gary and TLWF, is the way in which he spoke. His tone was exactly the same as in all his words, and it felt very contrived and planned. What better way for him to continue to lead his people, than to making them believe that he has just seen Christ in the Flesh? Praise Gary, he has seen our Lord! Again, back to his tone. It definitely did not come across as someone who has just seen Christ. It sounded like someone reading a scripture from the bible, and he certainly didn’t fool me. When I saw Gary at the funeral to give my condolences, he told me that “Marilyn always prayed for me, and is continuing to pray for me.” I’m not entirely sure what that means, except that I was told that often by shepherds and elders during my time in the church. And no one actually told me why they were praying for me. Perhaps for me to put the blinders back on and submit to them?

On another note, myself and others have recently been contacted by pastors of the church we attended. Their intent is to “apologize” for their wrongdoings toward us. I have avoided any contact with the pastors and will not answer their text/calls. If they truly wanted to apologize, they wouldn’t have taken 15+ years to do so. I was shunned, alienated, and treated like an outsider ever since leaving. It certainly feels like this is just one step in their 12 Step Program to clear their conscious and revive the church.

Thank you all for being here, for speaking the truth, for making me feel like I’m not alone any longer. I seek answers from the early years of my parent’s involvement, that I feel they will not or cannot share because they’ve buried so many secrets inside themselves. Some of you were there with them, and I’ve been able to get some answers from your first-hand accounts. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

LONE.WOLF

Thank you for coming forward. Everyone realizes the courage it takes to share painful memories that have never before had an audience to properly receive them.

Being a part of the second generation, we probably know you and your parents. It is a challenging time for all and will take awhile before everything plays itself out.

Know for certain that there is no placing this genie back in the bottle. Even JRS used to say that cutting the head off a snake does not mean it immediately stops moving.

All our separate stories will eventually bring us back together.

Lone Wolf....you are far from alone. My family has been part of TLW for forty seven (or so) years. When I "blew out" of course my treatment was the same. With one or two exceptions my friends were not permitted to associate with me. My parents have seen there five grandchildren maybe three times in 25 years.
My mother is the only one left now and she is still in.
Anyhow, the only words I have to offer are you are not alone. Be strong and Join us on The Living Word Survivors Facebook page. We would all love to hear from you and hear your story.

Welcome Lone Wolf. Your story is yet another in the long line of broken families. I am sorry for the loss you incurred and there is no reason for it that makes any sense except this is high level, long-term, deep-seated mind control--to the hilt. I hope that KBoy is correct--but I am very concerned that this is becoming a dangerous situation for those who have recently left or are trying--cutting ties seems the only safe move but I think there is too much optimism and wanting to believe that there can be a compromise. But then again I guess we shall see. You are not alone. And you were one of the lucky ones to gain your freedom so long ago. And I know it helps to break that final little doubt when you see now what it really was about. All love to you.

Walked – I was very involved in back room meetings on the local level in Palmer Lake. Nobody received a salary from TLWF in our local church, including the pastor. In fact, he paid more than fair market value for the apartment his family lived in on the property as a way of contributing a little extra to the financial needs of the facility. I did not observe any overly harsh treatment by the leadership team, except by the pastor. Both Gordon Murray and I made separate trips to San Diego to talk with John Miller, who was our contact point with Apco, regarding his behavior. We had been told by Gary that if we had a problem with our pastor, he had a problem with us. I can only speak for myself, but I made that trip on my own dime thinking I had about a 50/50 chance of being kicked out of the fellowship for speaking up. It had become so grievous to me, I had to say something.

John Miller was very cordial and laughed when I told him my fears. He cleared his schedule and gave me all the time I needed to share my concerns. A short time later, G&M visited Palmer Lake and the pastor was removed from his position. It was the beginning of the end for me when they claimed to have tuned into the situation by the spirit, and had been watching it for several years. For the first time, I thought they were straight out lying and were just cons. I was not hoping the pastor would be removed, but rather that his way of relating would be corrected. After talking with the pastor after he had been removed, as well as others, I’ve come to realize that it was a pattern of relating that they were taught. The end goal was to break people’s spirits by any means necessary and get them obedient to any directive by G&M. Now I know it was just spiritual abuse.

Amos Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Changedagain: I am certain wearing that Cal
> Berkeley hat was what led you astray. Only a
> nephilim would do something like that!

Yeah, it probably would have been more subtle if I just wore my 'Neph U' cap.
In retrospect, I did a lot of offensive things from a state of oblivion. If I thought about it, I would go the acceptable route. Oh well.

puddington Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Amos Wrote:
> -------------------------------------------------------
> > Changedagain: I am certain wearing that Cal
> > Berkeley hat was what led you astray. Only a
> > nephilim would do something like that!
>
> I’m pretty sure that hat really blessed Gary.

He did seem more ornery than usual, so my guess is that it was not a blessing. I thought I might try to make it up for this transgression now by sending him a cartoon of an exhausted TLWF slave with the caption: 'Tired of Winning.' Actually...I'm not sure would be a blessing either. It seems as though my destiny is not to be a blessing, and I just have to accept it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2018 04:16AM by changedagain.

LARRYBOBO:


"I’ve come to realize that it was a pattern of relating that they were taught. The end goal was to break people’s spirits by any means necessary and get them obedient to any directive by G&M."


As disheartening as this is to hear, your statement perfectly describes a culture that perpetrated an unending war of attrition against all of its 'subjects'. This was more a 'reign of terror' than any hopeful harbinger of the 'age to come'.

Blowout survey questions/answers continued:
#8
Do you hand out candy to kids at Halloween?
My wife does, yes. Or she used to.
#9
If so, are there any costumes so offensive that candy is withheld?
She's not easily offended, so no. However, if a kid was wearing
an oversized Hawaiian shirt & had a horrible attitude ("shut up and give me the damn candy") while claiming to be Christ in the Flesh--she might have a problem with that. Fortunately, she hasn't faced that situation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2018 04:48AM by changedagain.