I feel like this forum is so specific to "our" experience. In that commonality I think we could all agree that on a very important level we do agree...allowing each other what we didn't have in our past... the freedom to express our own opinions,feelings and viewpoints. It's not a place to push our own beliefs onto each other, but also a place to feel free to express them. So I guess that's the difference...express but don't feel like it's "your job" to convert anyone to your beliefs. Had enough of that!!!!

It’s also nice to be able to disagree without being judged as having a critical spirit, or being bitter. Or being a vessle of satan.

Right?!!!!!

Reveal, I agree with you. I phrased my viewpoint in a harsh way. I´m just trying to come to grips with my own upbringing and trying to lose the strange fringe concepts taught to me, while at the same time retaining at least the belief in a higher power.

To anyone that is agnostic or atheist...I respect you. I personally believe in some type of higher power, but you can believe in whatever you want and I won´t judge you.

Reveal and Lampshmamp,

Well said! I completely agree.

My intentions of calling out Larry Bobo were not to have him kicked out. Larry, I would only ask that you please be more sensitive how you phrase things. At times your posts come across as judgemental. As many others have said, we’ve all had enough of that!

I grew up and still reside in the small town of Kalona, Iowa (where Shiloh is). I came in to the Fellowship as a young child (my parents and one sibling are still involved). Until I left the organization a couple years ago, it was all I knew. At what point did I realize I was in a cult? I started questioning things when I started seeing a therapist for a health issue. Whenever I discussed comments I was receiving from “church” my therapist (who was Christian) would say “tell me again, what kind of church is this?” “I’m a Christian, and I don’t believe that.” I feel naive saying this now, but I was like “Really? You mean, my pain isn’t caused because I don’t pray hard enough?” (yes, I was told that!)

In addition to therapy, I was prescribed meditation as a means to deal with my chronic pain. During one of my meditations, I had a profound spiritual experience. Well, my naive self thought who better to talk to about a spiritual experience than ones pastors? I couldn’t have been more wrong. I don’t know what I was expecting… validation, maybe? Instead, I got what I will call a “deer in headlights” reaction. I really don’t remember all of what was said but I do remember how they made me feel! Like shit!!! I don’t think they had any idea what I was talking about.. I regretfully assumed, as “pastors” they would probably have had similar experiences and could relate. NOPE! I left feeling like, something must be wrong with me. To be perfectly honest, I was so brainwashed with this “elemental spirit” shit that I thought maybe I was crazy and “tapped” into something weird.. My husband (who didn’t grow up in TLWF) was my saving grace. He said, “are you kidding? I’ve never seen you happier!” He encouraged me to
keep doing whatever I was doing because I was happy! Believe it or not, this had never occured to me. Follow happiness? What? Really? I can do that?

The more I “followed my heart” (sounds cheesy but true) the more I was like, “I never believed most of this stuff anyway!” Why am I still going? Pain can be a funny thing. It’s a sure fire way to get rid of the “SHIT” in your life. Now.. I’m grateful for it.

Oh, I forgot to add.. During all this.. when planning a dinner out with the lead pastors of Shiloh, my husband was going to send the pastor’s wife a meeting request and she told him, “I don’t want your shit on my calendar.”

Sincerely,

I_woke_up

It’s all good. :) Thank you for your kind response. One thing I think we can all agree on is that we have to have a lot of compassion and grace for one another here. We’ve been through a really damaging experience and though we all process it differently, we still share that experience, and so we have the unique capability to be truly empathetic with each other. Like you I am also trying to come to grips with my upbringing. It takes a lot of courage to find our own way and investigate what we really believe in, without someone telling us exactly what to believe. Relinquishing what I was taught was God by TLWF and deciding what feels right to me has been a lesson in trusting my own heart. I still believe in God, but I can understand why someone coming out of the TLWF culture would not. I don’t claim to know what anyone should or should not believe in, but one thing I’m sure of is that we can’t go wrong with love and kindness. I really liked what you said in your first post, by the way, about getting out there and traveling, volunteering, exposing yourself to other cultures, etc. I agree that’s so important and valuable.

Aleutian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Reveal, I agree with you. I phrased my viewpoint
> in a harsh way. I´m just trying to come to grips
> with my own upbringing and trying to lose the
> strange fringe concepts taught to me, while at the
> same time retaining at least the belief in a
> higher power.
>
> To anyone that is agnostic or atheist...I respect
> you. I personally believe in some type of higher
> power, but you can believe in whatever you want
> and I won´t judge you.

Given that this forum was provided to chronicle abuse, we should be particularly careful to not perpetuate it here.

Healing comes in all forms and sizes unique to each individual. The abuse has been so widespread in form and severity, no account should ever be judged against another. Abuse, by any other name, is still abuse.

We are fortunate to have a venue where those affected can come together and begin to make some sense of the insanity we subjected ourselves to. Hopefully the right atmosphere will help to transform one and all from victim to overcomer.

The "I don't want your shit on my calendar" response on the part of that pastor is so indicative of LW shepherds' dismissive and demeaning attitudes towards sheep. You can't tell me that woman has a "shepherd's heart", LOL. They are so careless and reckless with people's feelings. One thing I became acutely aware of as I started to wake up was how none of my various shepherds ever took the time to listen to anything I had to say or wanted to express. When I tried, they made me so nervous (because they always looked angry, annoyed, or as if they really didn't give a shit what I had to say) that I could scarcely get the words out. They only ever talked AT me, not with me. Sounds like what you experienced when you tried to express the spiritual experience you had. Instead of trying to understand you, they just made you feel like a weirdo. So insensitive. There is such an arrogance among the leadership, as if we lowly sheep have nothing to offer their all-knowingness.

I_woke_up Wrote:

>
> In addition to therapy, I was prescribed
> meditation as a means to deal with my chronic
> pain. During one of my meditations, I had a
> profound spiritual experience. Well, my naive self
> thought who better to talk to about a spiritual
> experience than ones pastors? I couldn’t have been
> more wrong. I don’t know what I was expecting…
> validation, maybe? Instead, I got what I will call
> a “deer in headlights” reaction. I really don’t
> remember all of what was said but I do remember
> how they made me feel! Like shit!!! I don’t think
> they had any idea what I was talking about.. I
> regretfully assumed, as “pastors” they would
> probably have had similar experiences and could
> relate. NOPE! I left feeling like, something must
> be wrong with me. To be perfectly honest, I was so
> brainwashed with this “elemental spirit” shit that
> I thought maybe I was crazy and “tapped” into
> something weird..

> Oh, I forgot to add.. During all this.. when
> planning a dinner out with the lead pastors of
> Shiloh, my husband was going to send the pastor’s
> wife a meeting request and she told him, “I don’t
> want your shit on my calendar.”
>
> Sincerely,
>
> I_woke_up



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2018 12:19AM by reveal.

reveal Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The "I don't want your shit on my calendar"
> response on the part of that pastor is so
> indicative of LW shepherds' dismissive and
> demeaning attitudes towards sheep. You can't tell
> me that woman has a "shepherd's heart"

She seems to be falling short of Gary's admonition to 'speak the truth in love.'
Of course, noticing this could be an indication I have a 'critical spirit.'
Oh...how I miss interacting within TLWF ;)

The 'unquestionable obedience' services that were held shortly after JRS' passing set the tone for the new regime; my way or the highway. Since there was now only 'one way', there was no interest in hearing anything contrary. With the apples never falling far from the tree, all subsequent 'shepherd training' also included the lack of any shepherd's heart, leaving all the bleating sheep to simply bleed-out.

A sadder fact still was that no matter what form of abuse was levied upon the sheep, there was always some scripture 'foundation' for the affront. What started out as a movement where no pie ever reached our plate, has unfortunately devolved into it's own me-too movement of abuse, all in the name of God.

This, of course, is small potatoes compared to the egregious offences other forms of Christianity have perpetrated upon the laity.