Wow. Welcome new posters. I am so happy to hear from you. So many are getting out of the birdcage now. So great to hear the news of the exodus.

Wow. Welcome new posters. I am so happy to hear from you. So many are getting out of the birdcage now. So great to hear the news of the exodus.

puddington Wrote:
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> Wow. Welcome new posters. I am so happy to hear
> from you. So many are getting out of the birdcage
> now. So great to hear the news of the exodus.

Yes

puddington Wrote:
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> Wow. Welcome new posters. I am so happy to hear
> from you. So many are getting out of the birdcage
> now. So great to hear the news of the exodus.

Yes, yes, yes.

I don't mean to interrupt the conversation, but I need some advice...

I've had a lot on my mind recently about life outside TLW. When I was in it, I would have doubts constantly about what I believed and those thoughts would be frightening. I would doubt my belief in the Word, my pastors, etc, but I would never share those thoughts because I was afraid of the consequences of sharing unbelief with a pastor or an elder. In fact, I remember an old JRS tape in which he said something like "God can't enter a person with unbelief in their hearts." When I did have a thought of unbelief, I buried it deep instead of studying it and thinking about it more, and considering if it is legitimate.

There were a few times when I brought up my troubles and doubts and the answer from pastors was to "Not give in to the doubts, dive deeper into the Word, pray, etc." Each time I would have a thought of doubt in my faith, or anything along those lines, I would bury it deep and keep going. Thinking of it as nothing more than a "lie from satan attempting to take me off the path."

I still internalize a lot of the doubts and thoughts that I have... Scared to approach them and look at them. Now that I'm out of the church, and I've been sorting through all the things I thought I believed in... I'm having a bit of trouble sorting things out. What is bullshit and what is good? To be honest, I'm having a hard time not throwing out Christianity in general...

This is the point I'm trying to get to:

In TLW, there was always a meaning of life... a purpose to things... We are on the earth to bring the kingdom of God here. Well, now that I've left the church and have been struggling with my faith and all of that, I find myself struggling with my purpose in life. When I was in the church, I believed that I was making a difference, pushing humanity toward something, making the world a better place. At least at the end of a long and shitty workday I could lean on the fact that I was doing it for a purpose - bringing the kingdom to the earth. Since I don't know what to throw out, and what to keep, I keep thinking to myself "Did I have a salvation experience? Was all the time I spent praying a waste of time? Is there a God?" I think as a member of TLW I was always thinking that there was something better coming... that the life we're living right now wasn't "it" but there was a whole other kingdom that awaited us... but I'm realizing that as soon as I give up the church, I'm giving up the fantasy of the kingdom and the promises preached to us...

Long story short: I left the church, and lost my purpose... I hope that this isn't too difficult to understand or too depressing, but its really been eating at me.

Has anyone else gone through this? Anyone have some wisdom?

I’ve gone thru something similar. I think this is very normal and healthy as you change course to your life. For me, it was almost like a mental breakdown when i realized what a fairly tale it all was. This idea of how important our LW destiny was.

But I came back to one thing: love. It’s the core teaching of Jesus. I figured if I could just work on loving my fellow man better, I’d be doing my part to advance humanity. Just a tiny contribution. Very low key, but I’m finding it starting to work. Maybe I’m a practicing agnostic. :)

That's good advice. Thanks for your reply. Is the desperate need to have a purpose in life a quality that other people feel who are in, or who have left TLWF?

Why can't I be happy with just exist and love those around me and have fun, go to work, vote, and obey the law?

Hi "They Called Me Jonah." You wrote as if you could read the depth of my soul and my mind and what I have gone through in moving out of the TLWF little by little and then just accepting it was mostly false.

The higher purpose we were indoctrinated into is what I mean was false. I agree with Puddington that love is the answer but I have also learned to value the things I can do to help an issue or specific need where you do something and it happens then and there. I realized I found more satisfaction of my drive to help coming from donating to an animal charity where there are boots on the ground getting stuff done. Or more recently, putting time into nurturing relationships with friends I grew up with (pre-Walk) and family members - these are people I ignored for over 30 years because I was pushing on the so-called "front line" of kingdom seeking.

I am still finding out what I believe and trust. It's not all clear yet. But I take the clarity in whatever small doses I get it and I am thankful for it and it is increasing as each day goes by.

Letting go of such an intense driving purpose as JRS used to encourage us to give our everything to it - is bewildering. MANY people have been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of leaving TLWF and some have related it to horrible treatment and some have found that just transitioning away from a large group of people that you think believe as you do and have your back, is grounds for enormous stress and PTSD.

It is important that we be kind to ourselves in this transition to freedom. we saw very little kindness in our years in TLWF and when we did see love and kindness, we usually got ignored and treated like crap within a short time. It was a very tough way to live and here we were dedicating our time, energy, life, money, everything to be part of that unforgiving, condemning life style.

I remember two things JRS used to say repeatedly that we all clapped for and loved his sense of humor - but now, looking at the words literally, I realize he meant it and it was pretty awfull.

In offerings he would say something like - people ask me are you just after my money? No I don't want just your money, I want your money and your time and your family and your whole heart, etc.etc.

He would also say - people worry they are becoming to fanatical. I say NO - I will tell you when you become too fanatical!

Uh....yeah.

I would say, add one thing to your life - a little thing when you feel like you need to do more. Give flowers to an old lady. Send a few dollars to an animal rescue. Any little thing that you know will immeidately help. Just remember to be kind to yourself in the process.

If you get lonely, connect with people on this group. Send a PM to ones you feel you can identify with. I really think we want to be there for each other so let's do that. Okay?

Thanks for your reply Onion. Its kind of like being told Santa isn't real...

I like your suggestions and they are helpful. I appreciate the kindness.

TheycalledmeJonah Wrote:
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> ...Is the desperate need to have a purpose in life a quality
> that other people feel who are in, or who have left TLWF?
>
> Why can't I be happy with just exist and love
> those around me and have fun, go to work, vote,
> and obey the law?

After my husband and I left TLW we drifted for a lot of years. In retrospect, that wasn't a very good idea, because we still retained so much of our Walk thinking, the only Christianity we'd known. TLWF sucked up such a huge portion of our energy, time, and emotional and spiritual resources, that it could only leave a huge vacuum in its wake. It makes absolute sense to feel at loose ends, especially since TLW revels in its superiority and disdains other Christian paths (well, maybe not Catholic any more). We s-l-o-w-l-y found freedom and, indeed, purpose, in intentional spiritual search. Your journey will be different than ours, but we still find the following resources helpful:

1. Dr. Timothy Keller, author and apologist. He takes an intellectual approach to Christianity; we've enjoyed his book, The Reason for God, and listening to Q&A sessions, especially to college audiences.

2. Ravi Zacharias, author, evangelist, apologist. Also takes a logical approach to Christianity, but answers questions about other spiritual paths, including atheism and agnostisim.

3. Chip Ingram, pastor, super practical input about living a Christian life.

4. Alistair Begg, pastor, super Biblical. All resources on his website are free to download.

5. We sought out and befriended other Christians who had no cult background.

6. We finally plugged into a local church, in our case a Presbyterian church. We wanted our new spiritual home to be as distant from Walk emotionalism and authoritarianism as east is from west, so we were okay with the liturgy. We found true Christian community without alcohol, drugs, sex, hierarchy, or pressure to conform and please.

Of course your journey will look different than ours, but the above voices and actions helped us. Everyone who is seeking will end up with their own list of resources. It's not a thing of "I am of Paul," or "I am of Apollos," but IMO, God's grace in speaking through a host of imperfect people with diverse outlooks and gifts, who love him, who love his body, who look to serve rather than be served, and who in humility are accountable to others.

Godspeed to you, TheycalledmeJonah, and other young ones who were born into a dysfunctional mockery of Christian living -- unlike us twits who willingly chose it. But I attest that there is life after the Walk. There is wonderful purpose, way more meaningful purpose in Christ (not in JRS, not in G&M, not in Shiloh, not in a kingdom business, not in TLW), than we ever found in the tainted Living Word Fellowship.