Interesting to hear about Marilyn's passing. I just hope that she really had a moment with Jesus when her time came. I am sure that Jesus must have given her an opportunity to repent. He is the Saviour to those who believe. In the end, I hang on to that eternal hope of His Grace and Forgiveness.

We all hang on to bitterness and I do believe that in many ways we share a common affliction. I think that for some of us, the healthiest approach would be to let go of the anger and bitterness that seem to follow us around. We seem to have a strange need to pursue old memories which truthfully, we would do well to put to rest.

I have been away from the Walk for so long but I do acknowledge that had I remained in main stream churches, I would have undoubtedly done many things differently. You only live one life at a time, so we make choices. We make choices every day. Hopefully time is the great teacher......

Perhaps something good will come of it all. I did log onto the fb page for the church, and it does appear that there has been somewhat of an effort to appear more mainstream. I stumbled onto a few names that I was surprised by, people who were around in the 70's and 80's.

We all have a lot to ask forgiveness for. In the end, that is something we all must do. I believe we must walk with faith.
All that we believe requires faith.

jan w. lane Wrote:
>
> We all have a lot to ask forgiveness for. In the
> end, that is something we all must do. I believe
> we must walk with faith.
> All that we believe requires faith.

First of all, Welcome Jan W.--I believe that many of us do have to repent, probably lot of us already have, but not really for getting caught up into the spell of somebody with charisma, and then trying to adjust to insanity out of the leadership that JRS put in office. Maybe a little bit for believing too much, to not reading the bible enough and checking out what we are taught for now on. That is all the repentance most of the "sheep" need to do, I said MOST. Of course there was some scrambling for position by some of the members that were not ministries yet, but well, I want to tell you a story.

At that time in my life, as well as a few others, I got pretty messed up, partying too much. But over the years a face comes to my mind at times, and I know that I am connecting her to something, another memory that I have, it may be nothing to it, my wife calls them "bean dreams." But I recall, from the dream, and the vision of that face in my mind, the connection of the two, in a dream or a vision I think of being at Knoxville Tennessee at a regional meeting of several churches. (now keep in mind, that I alread have a girl's face, or a young lady's face in my mind, and the dream I connect it to is being at that meeting in Knoxville, and I was walking toward the beer keg, they had a huge keg of draft beer and somebody had some 'hash.' Now, as I was walking there, I see that girl with the sad eyes. And I think that I should minister to her, and I made a mental note that I would speak to her right after I got a quick buzz on. Well, after I hung out at the keg for a few minutes, I remembered her, and I walked over to where I had seen her, and she was gone.

Now, back to reality... After I got out of the Walk, there was a girl that I heard about, and I do not know if it is the girl with the sad eyes or not. I just know that a girl up there, and I somehow believe it might have been her, but when all the "shepherds" were changing wives, including the two pastors there, they got divorced, and one of them is the one that called me and gave me the "WORD"to divorce my wife and go service Marilyn, but anyway, at the time of all of that, a member there I heard committed suicide.

Now, that is the type of thing that happens when somebody not qualified has hands laid on them to be a shepherd. That is the type of thing that happened all over the Walk.

I did not ever try to lord it over anybody, I tried my best, but i believed, and i did not get into all the adultery there, not literally, that came in the next church, but I was not an elder there, but I tried, but I was not a pastor, not then, and not even now. I never was.

Those type of thing, Jan, that is what needs to be repented of. The incident in the dream may not have literally happened, I don't know, maybe I think about that, just put it all together, and living in a stupor like I have at times in my life, but it still is the type of responsibility that nobody needs that has not gone to school (*if you can find a good school) or at least self trained and truely been saved and filled with the Holy Spririt. I may have said this a paragraph or two up, but even though I wanted to be a good ministry, and I did try to keep it sane, I WANTED TO believe that to be a good ministry one must be 'RELIGIOUS," and that meant I was free to be liscentious, another word is lasividous, (forgive the spelling) in other words, there are two types of religiousity, that is a ditch on both sides of the road, one is the judgemental hate filled religious of the pharasees and the other is the wild, undisciplined, totally untamed flesly freakouts that were the fruit of the ministry of JRS.

P.S. It was not the fault of JRS, I was like that to begin with, it was my nature. I was looking for a church that gave me confirmation. I got it somehow, it was in the nature of that church.

Well, talking about Freudian slips, in my previous post with 8:04 am on the 7th, I made a HUGE Freudian slip. That guy said in the "word" to go SERVE Marilyn, but I wrote " gave me the "WORD"to divorce my wife and go SERVICE Marilyn,"

I am very sorry about that, I apologize, I didn't mean to be disrespectful there, but you have to admit that is pretty funny.

I think maybe my first wife probably said that when I got off the phone and we were laughing about what that pastor told me to do.....

Sorry again for that.

JAN W. LANE


There are as many reasons for one’s involvement in this discussion as there are participants. Each brings to the table a unique experience. In the end, Forgiveness will be the gateway to the Freedom we seek, and hopefully, this is the road all find themselves on.

I, personally, hold no ill-will towards anyone inside or outside of the fellowship. My exit was not the result of being the recipient of any of the misdeeds being chronicled here, but merely the result of looking beyond the narrow confines of its boundaries and realizing I no longer held the mindset. My departure began without even realizing it was taking place. I suddenly found myself on the other side of the fence and just decided to keep on walking. The first 1+year was every disorienting, after having a reference point which lasted 35+years, but the experience has been nothing more than expansive. Returning to less is incomprehensible.

I have closely monitored the fellowship since my departure, as I have watched a slow trickle of members over the last five years finding their way to the door, by hook or by crook. These include both little fish and big. I still live in close proximity to one of the main TLW facilities, so encounters with the faithful take place on a regular basis. The movement has basically been a one-way street, which is cause for great encouragement. With recent events, there should be cause for even more.

One must remember the culture of fear upon which this fellowship was based. Holy Jim Canyon was the pivotal moment that set the tone from the beginning. We were instructed to believe in a god that would “kill us for our withdrawal”. I saw, within the last two years, this sentiment being repeated amongst some of the faithful (by those into their 50’s & 60’s) as a clarion call to rouse them out of their tired doctrine and lives. It was sad. But that overriding fear, however it has been spun, is foundational in the thinking of those who signed up back in the JRS era, and why it is so hard for them to leave today.

Encouraging signs have nonetheless been evident on many fronts, and because of recent events, will no doubt accelerate. The Light of a new day is upon us. Sign up for the Welcome Committee and get ready to Party.

Apostle Dog Wrote:
> I just know that a girl up there, and I
> somehow believe it might have been her, but when
> all the "shepherds" were changing wives, including
> the two pastors there, they got divorced, and one
> of them is the one that called me and gave me the
> "WORD"to divorce my wife and go service Marilyn,
> but anyway, at the time of all of that, a member
> there I heard committed suicide.

It might have been Wendy, who was also in the Redlands church for a while--before heading back to Knoxville, where she eventually committed suicide. Sweet girl, with a traumatic background (I think she was raised by an alcoholic mother, who was often homeless). It left her very vulnerable and insecure. That atmosphere of the Walk was probably the last thing she needed.

BTW, I've heard from what I consider to be a reliable source (I know--here we go again with this reliable source stuff)...that Matt Walkoe, pastor of the Church of the Living Word, is required to report to Rick Holbrook. If anyone can either confirm this, or shoot it down, please come forward.

I think Southern Boy makes some very good points. Perhaps that is because I left "The Walk" shortly after JRS died. I saw all the changes taking place and thought to myself, "This is not the teaching I have learned through these years".I also did not witness, hear of, or experience any of the womanizing or boozing, though I do know that JRS liked his Johnny Walker. I Wish I had indeed experienced some of it. Sounds like fun.

I hope that those who continue to parse every line coming from those still involved with TLW find a way to internal peace. I think it must be very difficult to carry that bitterness for decades. I am so very sorry for all the pain, even though I carry no responsibility for it. We were all "in the trenches" together and placed so much trust in a number of people who let us down in grand fashion.

But the thing is, we are adults now, and have the responsibility for our own spirituality; our own life decisions. I think we sometimes obsess too much over things we have no power over. The people who are still in TLW are there because they choose to be. The financial losses that some of those people experience by being "fleeced" is a result of their own personal decision. Maybe we just need a new hobby.

I left TLW because I saw clearly it was not something that I wanted to be a part of anymore. I spent a very short time worrying about my salvation, but after a year or so, as I was able to see the fellowship from a distance, I began to see the absurdity of praying for some guy to skip the whole death process and usher us all into the "Kingdom", whatever that was. That has not happened in the entirety of human history and I realized I needed to set my sights on something a little more rational. Also, I admitted to myself that if the Kingdom of Heaven is a twenty-four seven church service for the remainder of eternity, then I have NO INTEREST in the Kingdom of Heaven. There are many wonderful and amazing magical things to see in this world, and I recognized that if I were to stay in The Walk that I would never have the opportunity to see or experience them. I have traveled much of the world since that time, and trust me, spirituality exists everywhere one is willing to look for it. TLW is NOT the only path, my friends.

I've only recently been aware of this forum. I was doing some research for a friend who asked about cults, and ran across this forum with great delight because I was a part of it long ago, and I probably knew some of you. I was even close to some of the "in crowd" and most of the current leaders would still remember me if we met. Only downside is that my friend now looks at me sometimes as if I'm a lab rat, and she wonders what I'll do next after being influenced by some crazy "cult" back in the day. We have fun with it.

The most surprising thing to me is the considerable focus on the TLW by many who have not been a part of the movement for a very long time. In some cases, it sounds as if some of you left decades ago, but still carry the torch. It gives me pause to realize how deep an effect the whole thing had on some people, and I hope fervently that peace and healing becomes an integral part of your daily life experience. We all deserve the best of everything, no matter the events of the past.

Marilyn most likely didn't have a "come to Jesus" moment before she died anymore than JRS did. They lived their lives believing every single day that they were doing "the will of God". People who live that way don't see the damage they do. They just do what they do and proceed with a single minded focus, believing that they are helping people. They really do believe that! And if am going to pass judgement on someone, I hope to be as compassionate as I would like to be assessed myself. I realized that I needed to spend my time not worrying about JRS or Marilyn, or Gary, or the leader du jour, but to worry about my own behavior toward others.

JRS, Marilyn; RIP. I hope the other side is what you dreamed of, and Rick, I am so sorry you have lost your mother. May your pain and sorrow be short-lived. I guess I'll just try and work out my own salvation- Philippians 2:12.

Hope none of this sounds self-righteous. It's just a short description of the path I took. I intend to read the posts from time to time. It's like being back in touch with old friends!!!

pbxguy:

You so come across as a bit 'self-righteous" and judgemental.

People are often profoundly hurt and damaged by destructive cults like The Walk and it may affect their life for many years. it's important to sort through this by educating yourself about coercive persuasion and influence techniques and what all cults hare in common regarding their behavior and dynamics.

It's not "bitterness" to share for former members to share their experience and express their feelings about what happened to them.

It's wrong to imply otherwise and comes across as shaming or somehow attempting to blame the victims of JRS for the damage he and other leaders did to them.

As far as a purported cult leader like JRS--no one but God knows what was in his heart. Though people may suspect his motives were often self-serving and selfish based upon his behavior and the people he hurt.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2015 12:55AM by rrmoderator.