Quote
question ladyI find this interesting article about the role of the spouse who is not in the destructive group. Unfortunately, I probably handled the situation poorly with "information onslaught". :?
I would be interested in input from spouses from either side of the experience.
[
www.culthelp.info]
Thank you for the article.
My brief comment is -- it is easier to be said than done. Irrational behaviour is very hard to tolerate.
When I first met my spouse, he was already part of, what he called, a meditation association. I found nothing wrong with it, as a matter of fact it even seemed like an advantage.
When our relationship grew stronger, I discovered that this meditation association is centered around worshipping a "perfect living master". If this dependency and worshipping would not have any kind of effect on our daily lives, of course, I would not say anything.
When our intimate moments were interrupted because my spouse "needed to meditate" to make up his total of 2 and 1/2 hours per day; when my spouse did not accept my gift because the chocolate recipe contained dry eggs, something that Supreme Master forbids for disciples to eat, when he meditated at the expense of our quality time, it was very hard not to react to this. Supreme Masters pictures were in the bedroom, her Buddhist chanting tape was always on in the car, and my spouse used to get up with Her and go to bed with Her. I believe under those circumstances it is very hard not to feel ignored, neglected and frustrated.
So I reacted. Very badly so.
And the article is right: the more we oppose the stronger the desire gets to go deeper into those beliefs.
When we "compete" with God, we can only lose. My spouse chose Supreme Master over me. This God-incarnate and perfect living being was more important for him than myself.
Sometimes I wish I could have been more patient and saved the marriage. I am not even sure if I would be happier. When we know and see the irrationality of things and the other just blindly follows, the relationship becomes very hard to harmonize.
My ex spouse feels he was a victim, and I controlled him. He felt "persecuted' for his views. He might have a point; however, his beliefs were hurtful to others...
It is not an easy situation to live with a person who free-willingly gave up his free will for someone that will, he believes, deliver him from his ultimate responsability to find direct contact with God.
At the end he is happier, and I end up suffering.
My only advice is to board readers: hold on to your heart until your check your partner's beliefs inside out