I find this interesting article about the role of the spouse who is not in the destructive group. Unfortunately, I probably handled the situation poorly with "information onslaught". :?

I would be interested in input from spouses from either side of the experience.


[www.culthelp.info]

Quote
question lady
I find this interesting article about the role of the spouse who is not in the destructive group. Unfortunately, I probably handled the situation poorly with "information onslaught". :?

I would be interested in input from spouses from either side of the experience.


[www.culthelp.info]

Thank you for the article.

My brief comment is -- it is easier to be said than done. Irrational behaviour is very hard to tolerate.

When I first met my spouse, he was already part of, what he called, a meditation association. I found nothing wrong with it, as a matter of fact it even seemed like an advantage.

When our relationship grew stronger, I discovered that this meditation association is centered around worshipping a "perfect living master". If this dependency and worshipping would not have any kind of effect on our daily lives, of course, I would not say anything.

When our intimate moments were interrupted because my spouse "needed to meditate" to make up his total of 2 and 1/2 hours per day; when my spouse did not accept my gift because the chocolate recipe contained dry eggs, something that Supreme Master forbids for disciples to eat, when he meditated at the expense of our quality time, it was very hard not to react to this. Supreme Masters pictures were in the bedroom, her Buddhist chanting tape was always on in the car, and my spouse used to get up with Her and go to bed with Her. I believe under those circumstances it is very hard not to feel ignored, neglected and frustrated.

So I reacted. Very badly so.

And the article is right: the more we oppose the stronger the desire gets to go deeper into those beliefs.

When we "compete" with God, we can only lose. My spouse chose Supreme Master over me. This God-incarnate and perfect living being was more important for him than myself.

Sometimes I wish I could have been more patient and saved the marriage. I am not even sure if I would be happier. When we know and see the irrationality of things and the other just blindly follows, the relationship becomes very hard to harmonize.

My ex spouse feels he was a victim, and I controlled him. He felt "persecuted' for his views. He might have a point; however, his beliefs were hurtful to others...

It is not an easy situation to live with a person who free-willingly gave up his free will for someone that will, he believes, deliver him from his ultimate responsability to find direct contact with God.

At the end he is happier, and I end up suffering.

My only advice is to board readers: hold on to your heart until your check your partner's beliefs inside out

I can relate. I am trying to figure out how to get my boyfriend out of a cult. It is difficult since he trusts them completely. We've fought, etc. but it made him get deeper into the cult.

I am waiting for a miracle, perhaps.

Easier said than done indeed! It might be easier with a friend or family member. I am not living with my husband now and that is probably the only way I can handle it at all. His primary loyalty and commitment now seems to be to the group rather than our marriage.

Mr. Ross has great coping tips. I wish I'd known then what I know now.
[www.culteducation.com]

I found this video of a lecture by Steve Hassan helpful also.

[video.google.com]

own master- I wonder if your ex really is happy. You are suffering because you are in touch with your feelings. These groups may produce a certain appearance of happiness, but it comes across to me as an empty, disconnected, absence of feeling rather than full and genuine joy.

Hard as it has been, the divorce may be best for you in the long run. If, (or more likely when), my husband realizes these folks don't have the answer to all of life's problems, I will still feel uneasy because he got involved with this in the first place.

The experts say that this can happen to anyone. That may be true, if you go far enough. If I had gone to the "awareness deadening seminar" with my husband, it may have happened to me. But I recognized the flaws in the system immediatley from the written materials and tapes. (He is involved with "The Release Technique" marketed by Larry Crane.)

I saw the absolute, black and white thinking about unsupported theories i.e. This is the way it is - always - for everyone - no exceptions.

I saw the exaggerated claims. I saw the appeal to people's greed, while simultaneously telling them "desire is the root of suffering." Release the desire to have money and you'll become a millionare.

The program said to "take it for checking". I tried some parts of it, but when someone tells me to stop listening [i:59455d9881]any[/i:59455d9881] of my feelings - and to "stop trying to figure things out", [u:59455d9881]I'm not going to take that for checking. [/u:59455d9881]Once you "take that for checking" - you're doomed. Our feelings and our minds are what keeps us connected to ourselves and to reality.

In the book "The Guru Papers" the authors say that "In order to surrender to an external authority, some self-mistrust already has to be present." In order to have a good marriage, I need to be able to trust him. But how can I trust him if he doesn't trust himself?