After 10 months of leaving what is dubbed the prophetic council of Australia trying to find peace amongst the storm that we was in we get a phone call from his family asking us why won't we come back home. For 10 months we didn't hear anything and now all of a sudden they're asking is why we can't come back? Nothing like being jolted out of your bed in the early morning hours and hearing the voices of your family calling you wanting to go back to the cult not only is it haunting it hits your heart so heavy and then all those memories are flooding back because they're family we had good memories we had good times there was laughter and there was tears but we realized that the life we were living is not normal. It was not normal to watch our neighbors stop talking to us thinking that we were the enemy. It was not normal to hear that they were stopping guns which shook it to us to the core. The longer we were there the more hesitant I was to leave. There are some days it's worse than others it's almost like a nightmare being revisited. I now have PTSD it does help to talk butsometimes I can't help but cry. Trying to explain to them why we can't come back they are still in that called The Cult of prosperity and women profits that think they're getting Revelation outside the Bible I can only protect my heart keep my hands busy and try to bring new memories in and good memories letting go of the past has been very hard very painful I can't go back regardless. This situation had got worse now it's spreading throughout churches in Australia. Being a Christian is hard it's not glamorous you're not going to get rich or wake up in half airplanes fancy homes brand new cars and mansions at your doorstep. These leaders are snake oil salesmen and it only gets worse going back may seem like it would be better but it's not regardless of how beautiful Australia was and the things that we had like the hammock swing in the front porch the garden are farm animals where my blue heeler could run with freedom without being tied down waking up to the sound of the kookaburs as well as going to sleep with the sound of the last sound of the kookaburra call. It was truly almost a Utopia effect palm trees beautiful exotic birds flying by the sound of people laughing family had turned to enemies. It's a lonely feeling I don't know who reach out to. It seems that there's not many groups that deal with this thing even my psychologist has not heard of it so that doesn't help. Who knows maybe I'll start my own group for people that have suffered call abuse talking about it helps having a group of people that have gone through it is therapy you don't feel so alone I can't imagine how the Jonestown members felt and they lost their loved ones and the ones that escaped barely got out with their life and a few things on there person and reliving that over and over and over thinking well maybe we could have done it another way maybe we could have done this or maybe we could have said that looking back only makes it worse building new memories and having to support from my little church family here there's just a basic Baptist Church nothing fancy and that's all I needed to start with but you live and you learn and you move on and the hard part is not looking back