Hi,

thank you for allowing me to post on this forum.

I am an adult who was in a cult as a child thanks to my parents - they joined a cult when i was 4 and whole family was there until my teens.

Many years have passed since that time, and after many failed attempts to find a way to heal this year i think (after over 30 years!) i am slowly starting to regain some hope for at least some kind of recovery.

Now i am in the stage of my recovery when i try to actually glue together fragmented facts i remember and forgot, and i am trying to grasp the sense of actions of my abusers - my parents. I am writing down my memories, do some research/detective work, i interview witnesses (this is kinda dangerous : ( ) .

My primary struggle now - i can't quite get the internal logic for some actions of my abusers, why they were doing what they did, what were they thinking. Somehow it ís very important for me - i already managed to figure out some "why"s regarding part of my past and it felt very healing.

So i am looking for a proper place to ask my questions on why and get an insight from former survivors or people who study cults and cultmembers - do you think here is an appropriate place to try to do this?

If yes - how?
If no - where is a good place to do that in your opinion?

May be there are some virtual/internet groups for people like me you can refer me to? One of the most crippling parts of experience is how isolating it is - for sure i can't mention my childhood on a cocktail party - so i am trying to break that isolation circle without ruining my life completely.

Thank you for reading, and i hope that my questions are appropriate for this forum. If not - i apologize.

Again, thank you for your time.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am Marilyn Hargraves cousin. My mother and her mother were sisters. My mother's name was Mildred and her mother's name was Bessie. Bessie was part of the TLWF until Marilyn threw her out of the cult in the 90s. I have had no contact with Marilyn as an adult but several of my relatives have. I do have contact with and a good relationship with her brother, Charles and his wife.

To give you a little understanding of where I fit ... Marilyn and Charles were born almost two decades before I was. I'm actually closer in age to Marilyn's children than to Charles and Marilyn.

What I know about Marilyn, especially in later years comes from reports from my relatives. I decided early on that I would maintain a long distance from her.

When I tell people about Marilyn and this cult, I generally receive gasps and a few nervous laughs. Some people, including my wife didn't completely believe me ... that is, until she met Charles and his wife. What she learned shocked my wife to her core. My wife discovered that not only what I had said was true, but was actually worse than I had told her. Charles and his wife had more frequent contact with Marilyn and have been more tied into the information stream than I have been. Thus they were able to further educate us on the goings on.


What I have learned about Marilyn was that she had developed into an opportunist and a sociopath. She was someone who had absolutely no conscience. From all that I have heard about her, she learned that she loved power and manipulating people. And loved all the money she extracted from her followers, her believers and she continued to want more. I base this on all that I have heard over the years from my relatives and from what I know that she did to my Aunt, her mother. Bessie believed in and was devoted unquestionably to Marilyn. And in turn Marilyn took her mother for everything she had. One day, she threw her out of the cult. Bessie never understood the reasons for her explusion. Bessie died not long after it happened. I saw her shortly before she died.

Based on what I'm reading in this forum, Marilyn became exceptually good at giving into her desires and using her skills to exploit and manipulate people. What you have written aligns with what I have heard from my relatives about her activities.

My motivation posting this ... there's a high possibility that I would soon be passing through where Marilyn is buried and I considered paying my respects and placing a stone on her grave. Knowing that she's buried at what my relatives call "The Farm" (AKA Shiloh), I decided that it might be wise for me to do a little research on what's happening there. I ran across this forum and starting reading. Based on what I've been reading, I'm a little hesistant to drop by. So, I would appreciate anyone letting me know whether I should be concerned about dropping by, identifying myself and visit her grave. And if anyone is interested in asking me any questions about Marilyn and her involvement in the cult, I'd be happy to tell you what I know. Understand it will be hearsay information, but I think I can provide answers to some questions you might have, especially about the "early" Marilyn.

My best to all of you.

Hey pink. I grew up in Sam Fife’s Move of God cult in the 70’s and 80’s. I was taken in at 3 years old until my mid teens. I suffered a lot of abuse. I wrote a book about it called “Cult Child”. Where I have found the most support online is at places like this where I can meet and speak with others like me who understand the horror and the healing journey. Also, if you are on facebook, there is a great support group for women only called: Life After Cult Coercion Women’s Support Group. I have received only loving support there and open sharing.

I’m here to talk with you as openly as you want. I suffered sexual, physical and mental abuse. I’ve also been on a very long healing journey so I understand many things to discuss.

Internal Logic: one thing I learned is that there is no logic with abusers. There isn’t feeling or compassion. If there is, it’s fake and has an end game. Everything they do has an end game and it always points back to them. They are sick and sadistic individuals committing the crime of undue influence on masses of people. I have a major question about the level of mind control it takes to get a parent to give over their child and not only let them be abused but worse, participate in it and believe, truly believe, they’re doing good for a god.

What was your cult? Do you mind sharing which one you were taken into? I ask this to understand it’s structure. For instance, my ex-Cult took all monies, so the members were left destitute, these such things.

The end goal of these predators is money and minds. I’m so sorry you were taken into this environment. I know the journey of reclaiming memories, and it’s not a quick or an easy one.

I’m here holding space for you if you want to talk more. Sending you kind thoughts.