Hi there

I'm looking to share experiences with other children of rajneeshites. Also with ex-rajneeshites if you're interested, to try and understand (and make sense) of the situation I was in with one of my parents.

Thank you

I was an adult at the time and not a parent, only briefly involved but I also had several friends much more involved.

I might be able to help with questions.

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm not sure where to start from, it all seems so garbled and removed from the 'real world'. Perhaps I could PM you with some more details?

Starry,

Sure, feel free to pm.

Are you seeing a therapist? Might be very helpful to do so, no matter the specifics of what you've been through, especially if you are experiencing any anxiety/depression/confusion etc. Therapy helped me quite a bit.

Thanks Sarah, will PM you.

Things are fine. Just been thinking things over, as a result of some recent events.

Starry,

I was very sorry to hear on another thread about the situation with your Rajneeshi father. I can only say that I recognize the scenario and appreciate its fixed negative nature. As an ex-sannyasin, I have encountered this situation with sannyasins many times (although not with a parent) and know how searingly painful and frustrating it can be.

Due to the conditioned, closed and judgemental nature of the sannyas mindset it is virtually impossible to communicate with someone who refuses to engage their [i:d1f99f2095]critical faculties [/i:d1f99f2095](assuming they still function) and allow themselves to experience doubt, conflict, dissatisfaction, and, in fact, a wide spectrum of thoughts and emotions. This would be contrary to the [i:d1f99f2095]black and white thinking [/i:d1f99f2095]which is so endemic in that world, as no shades of grey are acceptable. Intellectual matters are also denigrated as sannyasins are exhorted to [i:d1f99f2095]'drop the mind/ego/attachments'.[/i:d1f99f2095].

People increasingly find it impossible to make sense of their world through thinking (after all, Rajneesh was known as the [i:d1f99f2095]'Master of Paradox'[/i:d1f99f2095], which essentially meant that he contradicted himself, as often as he wished), so fall back on the feeling junction. As a result, they've led only by their instincts and emotions, which results in a very unbalanced perception of the world and their own needs. Consequently, this path is followed until there is such a disparity between the sannyasin's perception of the world and general reality that psychosis can manifest.

All followers, including ex-members, will be aware of initiates who when they started to question the validity of sannyas had mental breakdowns or were, at least, rendered incapable of functioning in the world. There are also people who committed suicide, a well-known, but seldom mentioned, example is that of Vivek, a long-term English companion of Rajneesh, who lived in Poona 1, then at the ranch in Rajneeshpuram, Oregon, US, and finally in Poona 2, from which she disappeared to commit suicide by drug overdose.

'This path' becomes increasingly about running from the truth, not embracing it, and, the longer that someone persists in deluding themselves, the harder it is to stand still and acknowledge what's happened and the part that one played in it. It does take courage and humility, but, after all, it WAS meant to be THE PATH OF TRUTH and, [u:d1f99f2095]despite[/u:d1f99f2095] what Rajneesh/Osho consistently taught, the spiritual path is a demanding, arduous, challenging one and is not for 'spiritual wimps'.

Best wishes,

Regenerate

Quote
Regenerate
Starry,

I was very sorry to hear on another thread about the situation with your Rajneeshi father.

Thanks for that, I really appreciate what you said. Believe it or not, that's the first time that anyone has ever said that to me.

If I try and describe my dad and his mindset - the way he lives and [i:81f7383e23]some[/i:81f7383e23] of the things he's done, leaving out the most sickening - to people that I meet in the everyday word and this is borne out by many such experiences), they just look incredulous. It seems like it's beyond their ken.

I'm not sure if they're laughing at me (because it all seems so improbable), or they're laughing as a nervous reaction (it's so horrendous, they've never come across anyone in that situation and they're at a loss for words...I guess it's not exactly everyday conversation). Sometimes I'm sure I feel pity, but that pity doesn't extend to thinking about it for more than a few seconds because it could all be very disturbing, and it's better not to go there.

Quote
Regenerate
I can only say that I recognize the scenario and appreciate its fixed negative nature. As an ex-sannyasin, I have encountered this situation with sannyasins many times (although not with a parent) and know how searingly painful and frustrating it can be.

You're so spot on with this. The more I wanted to grow and be my own person the more my dad manipulated and blackmailed against that. He didn't budge one single inch, and eventually we fell out about me starting a postgrad (although that was actually a pretty conventient excuse on my part). He thought education was a load of rubbish and a waste of time. I'm a great believer in education. Our relationship became like a straightjacket. I don't think I've ever felt such a stranglehold by anyone, it was like having the life slowly squeezed out of you.

Quote
Regenerate
Due to the conditioned, closed and judgemental nature of the sannyas mindset it is virtually impossible to communicate with someone who refuses to engage their [i:81f7383e23]critical faculties [/i:81f7383e23](assuming they still function) and allow themselves to experience doubt, conflict, dissatisfaction, and, in fact, a wide spectrum of thoughts and emotions. This would be contrary to the [i:81f7383e23]black and white thinking [/i:81f7383e23]which is so endemic in that world, as no shades of grey are acceptable. Intellectual matters are also denigrated as sannyasins are exhorted to [i:81f7383e23]'drop the mind/ego/attachments'.[/i:81f7383e23].

OMGoodness, I've never come across such a bunch of narrow-minded poeple! I think that [i:81f7383e23]that[/i:81f7383e23] is the thing that makes me laugh more than anything...for such a 'live a let live/question everything' philosophy (although I may have that wrong) my dad is one of the most closed-minded people I've ever met. He's almost parochial in his blinkeredness.

I've been thinking a lot about this...and I believe that to be truly dangerous to society, to truly live on the edge, yes - question everything, but then distil it and say something with it...either in poetry, or drama, or music, or art. But that requires incredible focus and concentration adn a huge amount of sticking your nose to the grindstone and doing the work.

Anyhow, that's a digression. I've always had the work ethic (I just hadn't put it into a coherent thought when dad and I stopped talking) but I think he felt that instinctually. I know he was proud of what I'd done with my life, but then he threw it all back in my face. So...who knows...

Quote
Regenerate
People increasingly find it impossible to make sense of their world through thinking (after all, Rajneesh was known as the [i:81f7383e23]'Master of Paradox'[/i:81f7383e23], which essentially meant that he contradicted himself, as often as he wished), so fall back on the feeling junction. As a result, they've led only by their instincts and emotions, which results in a very unbalanced perception of the world and their own needs. Consequently, this path is followed until there is such a disparity between the sannyasin's perception of the world and general reality that psychosis can manifest.

Oh yes, it was [i:81f7383e23]all[/i:81f7383e23] about him, [i:81f7383e23]all[/i:81f7383e23] the time. He was like a kid in a sweetie shop...if he liked it, if he wanted it, he just took it, without any regard for the other people it might have affected and how other people might have felt. The thought that someone he cared about might have been really upset and hurt by his actions (not even that what he was doing might be against the law), well, that never came into it. Not even for one tiny split second.

Quote
Regenerate
All followers, including ex-members, will be aware of initiates who when they started to question the validity of sannyas had mental breakdowns or were, at least, rendered incapable of functioning in the world. There are also people who committed suicide, a well-known, but seldom mentioned, example is that of Vivek, a long-term English companion of Rajneesh, who lived in Poona 1, then at the ranch in Rajneeshpuram, Oregon, US, and finally in Poona 2, from which she disappeared to commit suicide by drug overdose.

This is really tragic, what a terrible way to have ended your life, in so much fear and pain.

Quote
Regenerate
'This path' becomes increasingly about running from the truth, not embracing it, and, the longer that someone persists in deluding themselves, the harder it is to stand still and acknowledge what's happened and the part that one played in it. It does take courage and humility, but, after all, it WAS meant to be THE PATH OF TRUTH and, [u:81f7383e23]despite[/u:81f7383e23] what Rajneesh/Osho consistently taught, the spiritual path is a demanding, arduous, challenging one and is not for 'spiritual wimps'.

Yes, there's no going back for him now. It's been over 30 years now that he's been with that mindset. Plus his brain is too fried...45 years of hard core drug abuse, and alcohol too now. What a sad and lonely life.

After he left to join the Rajneesh crowd he cut off all ties with everyone (including his mother). For 30 years she had no idea where he was, what he was doing or even if he was still alive. She died early in the year, still not having met up with him, or even heard from him, again. We couldn't even find him to tell him his own mother had died.

Quote
Regenerate
Best wishes,

Regenerate

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate hearing from you. Sometimes it's hard to believe that this is all real, and not all some figment of my imagination. But hearing from an ex-sannyasin, someone who was there, who went through it and who can explain it all so clearly...well, that's worth more to me than you can ever know.

Try reading this excellent expose of what it was like to be a Rajneesh child:

[www.amazon.com]

Hi there

Yes, I'm about two thirds of the way through. I'm reall enjoying it and a lot is making real sense to me.

Starry,

What a tragic tale - I've been absorbing the significance of it all, from the perspective of you, the abandoned daughter, the rejected mother and family in general, and, myself, as the ex-sannyasin.

Instead of people learning to be more acceptant and understanding of each other, it drove insurmountable rifts between them and often separated them indefinitely. While sannyasins are/were 'practicing for life', it was passing them by. Education was definitely denigrated - an attitude I came across all the time.

Unfortunately, the experience is a real one, and I do understand the feelings of unreality and disbelief that people feel on examining it. Keep reading all the book you can find on the sannyas experience, such as the one you're now reading [i:2c59358859]My Life in Orange[/i:2c59358859] by Tim Guest and the other one you referred to re Rajneeshpuram.

If anything good can be gleaned from my deeply painful and, ultimately, alienating experience I hope that I can use it to help others who are striving to make sense of the 'sannyas experience'.

I'm very glad that hearing from me was helpful to you.

Take care,

Regenerate