i wonder if maybe in your case it would be best for you to first help yourself. We cannot give others that which we do not contain within ourselves. If we do not have self respect, we cannot teach others how to respect themselves by not being involved in abusive relationships, etc.QFT
Each of us needs to first become healthy before we can think of helping someone else become more healthy. So don't begrudge yourself whatever it is you need for your own well-being and peace of mind. If you need to separate yourself from people who are "difficult", do so. No need to apologize. Just do it. Think about what YOU need, and meet your own needs first. THEN, as crystal describes, you'll have something to offer others. You'll have a reserve of strength and balance from which you can support someone else. Unless you are well grounded and secure in who you are, you will have difficulty dealing with others - even non-difficult others. It's SO important to have a solid sense of self in interpersonal relationships! So take the time you need to establish within yourself who you are, what your values are, what's important to you, and how far you are willing to go. Get that internal compass in good working order, because you'll need it, especially if you need to interact with troubled people.
when I made the comment "I have to get a life going", laughingly, she replied seriously: "when you do, I will follow".This is incredibly insightful and important. You can give someone a hand up if you are at a better place. But not until! So get to that better place by taking *good* care of yourself. Think of what you enjoy, and do that. Switch up your habits and patterns - do something different. Prove to yourself that you can do things differently. It doesn't matter where you start - brush your hair before you brush your teeth instead of the other way around. Put on both socks and then your shoes instead of one sock and one shoe before the other foot. It really doesn't matter! START WHERE YOU ARE! That's the best place :)
In the end, each person must walk his/her own path. If you want people to respect you, you have to extend that same measure of respect to them. It can be extremely difficult to see someone thrashing around in agony, but you cannot save someone from himself/herself. Sometimes the best you can do is to simply be there, a constant and supportive presence. No matter what that other person is doing. You don't have to be brought down; you don't have to allow anyone to use or abuse you; but you CAN offer someone what author Dr. Gabor Maté has referred to as "unconditional positive regard." No matter what s/he does, no matter how low s/he stoops, you will always love him/her and think kindly/fondly of him/her. No matter what, you will still *like* him/her. That's incredibly powerful - and rare, unfortunately. CAN you provide that sort of response to someone else? If not, then perhaps you should focus on taking care of yourself for a while instead. YOU have to come first.
I know this will probably sound frivolous and cliché, but a great example of this is this episode from the early 1970s TV series "Kung Fu", with David Carradine - this is the first section:
This Valley Of TerrorHere are the other sections:
Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6 - EndI think this episode illustrates what I'm trying to communicate. Life imitates art, you know? :}