HI all, I am not sure i am on the right forum here. My 34 yr old son, is seeing a "life coach" for the last 3 years. He refuses to talk about the past, but is still saying his Dad is at fault for leaving the family years ago. He tells me he will NO longer take care of me his mom and his brother who is very sick with Crohn's disease. He is rude, crude, could care less about anyone but himself. I dont know what to do. I had ask him 3 years ago to seek traditional counseling, but he found this MR. life coach, who lied to him saying he was a counselor, but I did find out that his life coach is a "counselor in training". My son is very frugal but is spending well over $100 a week to this fraud....I tried to research these life coaches, they are all frauds, and it is a scam. But it is NOT illegal.....my son is running away from the people who love him the most!!!!! Again thanks for listening to me, and if you know what forum I should be on, let me know...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2010 04:45AM by rrmoderator.

Quote
rustycandy
HI all, I am not sure i am on the right forum here. My 34 yr old son, is seeing a "life coach" for the last 3 years. He refuses to talk about the past, but is still saying his Dad is at fault for leaving the family years ago. He tells me he will NO longer take care of me his mom and his brother who is very sick with Crohn's disease. He is rude, crude, could care less about anyone but himself. I dont know what to do. I had ask him 3 years ago to seek traditional counseling, but he found this MR. life coach, who lied to him saying he was a counselor, but I did find out that his life coach is a "counselor in training". My son is very frugal but is spending well over $100 a week to this fraud....I tried to research these life coaches, they are all frauds, and it is a scam. But it is NOT illegal.....my son is running away from the people who love him the most!!!!! Again thanks for listening to me, and if you know what forum I should be on, let me know...

I am very sorry for your situation.

There are some reputable life coaches, but it doesn't sound like your son has found one. The problem with all life coaches, reputable or not, is that consumers have no legal protection. There is no regulation, no licensing, no uniform standards and, worst of all, no recourse if a life coach harms a customer.

If you can, find out about this life coach's training, philosophy, methods, and background. Is this someone who trained at Coach U? Or With Tony Robbins? Or with some Law of Attraction group? Does he believe that people create their own reality through their thoughts? That some people are winners, some losers, and the way to be a winner is to cut the losers out of your life? Because those are false, dangerous, toxic beliefs.

Coaches are supposed to deal with the present and future, not the past. The fact that your son is talking about his father's leaving, an event that's in the distant past, makes me wonder what this life coach is really doing and if he's engaging in psycho-therapy without a license. Even if he's a "counselor in training" (which sounds like something out of a summer camp), in the context of his life coaching business, he's not supposed to be doing therapy.

Look around at the resources on this site for people whose family members are involved with cults or lgats; some of that might help you. Please let us know what you do and if it works.

I am so sorry, I did NOT get back to you guys sooner....I just saw this.....I have done some investigating and hoped that my son would "stop seeing this Life coach". But as of January 2011, he is still with him. If you don't mind I would like to tell you what I found out....about life coach and another person involved with life coach....I do NOT have life coaches name, or anything about him. I must say that your message to me was VERY VALIDATING....I had been thinking that very thing about "pyscho therapy"...

Ok, I will try to make this short. My older son's Name is Anthony, he is 35 now. My younger son is James, he is 33. James had asked Anthony to ask Life coach if he knew anyone who did traditional therapy. WE didn't know he was seeing a life coach and NOT a counselor. Just to step back. Anthony and James live in San Diego. Anthony had gone to Kaiser hospital, because he had his insurance there. I had suggested that if Kaiser did NOT have a counselor that he liked then ask them for a recommendation. Kaiser offered a once a month session with a very young social worker. I knew that would NOT be good for him and he knew that as well. Anthony had been in 12 step alateen, and had gone to a traditional social worker for awhile. So he knew alot already. All my husband and I had asked him was that he should feel safe with this new counselor and that this counselor have knowledge of alcoholism. My husband did leave us many years ago for 6 months, but came back and we all were getting help through AA and alanon, and counseling. I had thought that Anthony had worked through his issues. My husband and I HAD a great relationship with him as well as my younger son James. OR we thought. Anthony told us that this guy he wanted to see, was NOT accredited certified addictions counselor but he said, he was very aware of the damage done to alcoholic families. We told him that we would PAY for half of whatever it costs. The reason we wanted him to go because of his relationships with women....he was very unhealthy in that area. He also had a long past, which I don't have to mention. Anthony is NOT an alcoholic or drug addict, but he is a runner. By that I mean, he leaves himself NO time to be with himself. He is really a good guy, he just got lost now. So, as I said, we found out that LC (life coach) was "in training to be a counselor". I will tell you now how we found out all this information. Roger Cavnaugh, PHD, is James' counselor. My husband and I have been in sessions with James, so we got to know Roger. I do have respect for the man, I think he is very good at what he does. However, I feel he and life coach are "in this scam together". When I ask Roger about Anthony and life coach, he tells me he knows him and my husband and I see that Roger seems to cover for life coach. I will tell you why. As we were in session, and every time we were there, I would always have a question about life coach. He didn't seem to like me asking questions. But Roger is the one who told us that life coach was "in training to be a counselor"( this is almost 4 years now, still in training?????, and he didn't only have "executives" as clients, as Anthony thinks. Anthony THINKS life coach has multiple DEGREES and has a great therapy MODEL. so someone is lying. Roger told me, James and my husband that your family only consists of the "THREE of you now", Anthony is OUT of your family...WHAT?????????????, I also told him, that if life coach works with the now and forward, why does he hold his father's past against him???? Roger told me that we should write a letter each, my husband and I, to life coach and Roger will HAND deliver both letters to life coach. WE each wrote a 10 page letter stating our pasts and OUR recovery. Again, Roger, I believe was just trying to shut me up, I was getting to him. Well, I am NOT 100% sure, but I feel that life coach and him, were using our letters as a teaching tool. What I was able to find out was that ROGER is a teacher at a couple of schools, teaching core clinical classes at California Institute for human sciences. This is the site where I found out about Roger's teaching. [www.cihs.edu]. As I said, Roger said things to me that turned my stomach, another thing he told me was that Anthony will be back in your family, maybe when he has a CHILD of his own!!!!!! WHAT????? And we are supposed to accept that???? My husband, son and I have stayed as close as possible to Anthony, calling him, flying out to San Diego, we had bought a condo there, to be with OUR children. Anthony will talk to me, mostly about nothing, but that is ok.....I don't want to lose him completely. We believe that Roger and life coach have a teacher, student relationship. That is the glue between them, and Anthony has become the tuition money so life coach can attend school to achieve his goal of becoming a "counselor". In the mean time, he is using Anthony, not only for money, but a guinea pig, using the techniques he has learned. As you said, sounds like life coach is using psycho therapy, which was a thought, I had a YEAR ago. Roger will NOT tell me life coaches name...he has avoided my question at least 4 times.

I am very worried about Anthony. He has lost 20 pounds, he said, that he is running now instead of lifting weights, he is 6 foot tall and is very, very skinny...he was always thin, but now it is much worse. I can see the STRESS on his face, as many others have seen. My son, James did have a third surgery and is doing much better, and will be moving back to NY, he has a job lined up. I should also say that my brother handed over his FAILING business to Anthony, whether it is legally sold to him, I do NOT know that. He won't talk about it. My brother now is retired, and Anthony is trying to get this business going again. I know he can't do it alone. When James left, most employees quit with him....they hated Don and Anthony....Neither one knows how to talk to people. Both are very judgemental....

I should also mention, that both my boys did work for my brother who is nothing but a control freak and drug addict. James ended up quitting due to his health issues. In fact, he had to hire an attorney to get out. My brother is very sick also. They have been in San Diego for 13 years. My brother has told both my boys, that my husband and I are TERRIBLE PARENTS, and he knows better. He has no children BTW, and is not married. He has trouble with relationships too....that is why I wanted Anthony to go to traditional counseling, in the first place...e is following in his Uncles footsteps.but this is what we ended up with.....A mess. My husband and I have apologised to both our children for our past mistakes with them. I did that so many times, that Anthony told me to "SHUT UP MOM, it is over, I am ok...that was at least 10 years ago

So I guess my question here, is why did Kaiser give this life coachs name? that is a hospital, I don't think they should do that....and I really don't think my son, knew in the beginning that he was seeing a person, with NO education. But I do have to hold him responsible now. He knows now, but won't admit it. James had helped Anthony alot during the years, as I always taught them to look out for each other....Anthony helped his brother sometimes, but now, he does NOTHING, even when he was so sick. Anthony has become very selfish and judgmental.

My other question is being that I believe Roger and life coach are scamming, is there anything that I can do, to put a stop to it. I know life coaches are not held responsible for anything, but is Roger???? I just want my son AWAY from this life coach, he is killing him......

I appreciate any feed back...and thanks you so much for all your help. I will look again at your site....Thank you very much,
Debbie

Stay away from "life coaches"!! These people are cranks and some are just con-men. In terms of training, at best they attended a weekend or 1 week coarse and got a certificate. That's it. You do not want people like that messing with your mind or planting toxic ideas into it.

Fire the coach.

"counselor in training"? No such animal. Besides you don't want a beginner therapist. You want one that has a decade or so of experience.

And that psychologist Cavnaugh looks to be a new age kook. Anyone who teaches non-sense like intergral studies should be avoided like the plague.

Find a real therapist instead. Someone that has a track record and isn't into new age vodoo.

thanks for responding Walter....I may have put too much information on this forum...but it is too late....We all know to stay away from Life coaches but my older son doesn't KNOW that....I am trying to find a way to get him AWAY from that LYING, bastard.....and like I said, the PHD, is covering for him.

But again thanks for the response....
Deb

Their training is a few weekends at best.

This is not regulated and many states are scrambling to figure out what to do with this massive explosion of Life Coaching and Executive Coaching.

This is not to say that some entertaining speakers are not out there to pump up business people but many of those actually have had businesses.

If your average age of a coach is 29 years old....really.....what do they know that you don't?

There are groups, family and friends available to you FOR FREE! Don't be fooled!

Hey, All

After reading all your replies I simply want to say that all peoples are not alike. If there are fraud life coaches then there is also good & reputed life coaches exist. Just because of few fraud peoples you can't judge rest of all. Before getting any kind of services you must check their reviews & background at your end.

I understand your condition because if it is happen with me then I will also react with the same way as you people are saying.

Animacoaching, are you a life coach? How is that definined? What education, training, ethical standards, and oversight do life coaches have?

What proof is there that life coaches actually help anyone?