Hello All,

I am hoping I can get some advice. My wife just returned a week ago from PSI 7 seminar at "the ranch" in CA.
I am very very concerned. she is now distant to her husband (me) as well as the kids. it almost seems as though she went to some super seminar and made some realizations that she needs a new life. we are married about 14 years now and have two great kids 13 and 9. We have not had much problems in the past although i would consider my wife to have had some significant self esteem issues.
I dont want to ramble on but i have been up before 5am for a week straight, i cant sleep i have been doing as much reseach as possible on LGAT as possible so far.
When she first came home i was immediatly very negative about her experiance because she did not miss us at all while she was gone. She seems so much more into her new best friends instead of our family. I was very negative in the start, now i am scarred. I have switched to try to support her, i love her and support her but I feel they have really done a number on her thinking. now I am trying to "act" normal although it is very hard, I am very careful not to slam PSI because she is so into it. Any suggestions on what I can do? I would really appreciate it. I feel bad having to ask complete strangers for help but this problem is huge.
-Thanks

Hi, and welcome!

Sorry to hear about your wife's experience. Her actions sound, to me, typical of someone who's recently been through an LGAT -- and your reactions are also understandable (I reacted the same way when my friend went through Landmark).

The way you're approaching things right now is really the best, although difficult. Because your wife is on a "high" right now, she will see any negative comments about her new group (and new "friends") as an attack against her personally. Try to remain supportive and loving while doing as much research as you can into these groups. I've heard it helps a lot to talk about happy times before the group involvement, to remind your wife that it is possible to be happy outside this group and to remind her of how much fun you've had together.

Groups like these do try to separate people from their loved ones (their support systems), because it helps make them more dependant on the group. So as difficult as it is, try not to play into their hands.

I'm not very familiar with PSI 7 (sorry), but here are some things to read that you might find helpful.

Getting help:

[culteducation.com]

A psychological study of Lifespring (another group) training:

[www.culteducation.com]

Some books that are helpful:

Cults in Our Midst, by Margaret Singer

Releasing the Bonds, by Steve Hassan

If you're really upset, you may want to get in touch with Rick Ross...he's the expert in these matters.

I know you're going through a tough time right now -- try to hang in there.



:(

Glam

Hi Vamvouris,

It is not unusual for people to come away from these seminars on an emotional high. At the end of PSI7 one of the parting instructions is that you are not to make any major decisions for at least 1 month from the end of the seminar. You may want to remind your wife of that.

The best advice I can give is to be very loving and listen to your wife. Ask her about what she wants and needs. Ask her to talk about how she's feeling and what she wants. Stay involved with her process and encourage her to talk with you. Just listen.

It may be helpful to find a marriage counselor.


I would advise you not to go to any of the seminars. She is heavily persuaded to recruit as many people as possible. My husband came home from PSI7 and insisted that I go as well or our marriage was likely going to end.

The manic style of high people get coming out of these seminars is not maintainable without a lot of continueing contact with the group. If you can keep her busy and occupied and away from those folks she may return to normal in a few weeks. Then you will really be able to talk about what happened to her at PSI7.

Best of luck,

PSI Survivor

I went through a different LGAT called IMPACT its located in Utah. All the advise that has been given to use is very true and helpful. My husband went through the training before I did and told me if I didnt attend our marriage would be over. So I did and although I had a good experience my husband who suffered from low self esteem issues like your wife ended up a total manipulator and ended up having to affairs. One on an emotinal level and another that turned physical. So it is important that you remain supportive as much as possible. She will try to recruit you and if you dont go she will feel like you dont support her. You may consider going just so you can see what experiences she might have had. It did assist me alot however the LGAT I went through never seemed to care that one of its members was breaking the ground rule about no major life changes or no new relationship in a intimate or physical level for atleat 30 days after the training.
One thing I would try is to maybe see if she would be "open" to sharing some of her experiences with you. She cant discuss processes but maybe she might share with you some things she learned either about herself or your relationship with her. Just be a good listener and remember when she is with her" new family" things appear rosie and when she comes home things appear grey. so do everything you can to make it feel rosie with you. Good luck and I will be wishing you well.

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Oh by the way now she just mentioned to me that she wants to fly to Washington to spend some time with her new "best friend" , you cant make this stuff up... Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

This is a tough one. Of course, you can't stop her from going, but it sounds like this new "best friend" is looking for a way to get your wife alone and indoctrinate her further into groupthink. If you can, I would recommend trying to keep her busy with other things so she spends less time with people from this group.

Because I'm not a professional at this, I'm not sure what to advise you except to be loving, supportive, and DO NOT attend any of the seminars yourself. I have heard that it is possible to introduce information about similar groups; however, if you feel she's getting defensive, you may need to back off from this a bit.

I have found that the influence of the group tends to fade away the longer the person is away from it. When my friend was too busy to attend his Landmark meetings for 2 weeks, he almost quit completely. Perhaps you can try to keep your wife busy doing fun holiday things right now, and spending time with friends and family...it may be easier to do this time of year.

Again, you may want to get in touch with a professional, who can give you more concrete advice. But I'm not sure about waiting a month to try anything. the longer she's involved with the group, the deeper she may become involved, and the harder it may be to get her away from it.

Glam

Do you know who her new best friend is? If it is one of the other participants it is probably good for her to talk with the person. Often the anti climax of coming home is huge and it may help her to hear that her friends are feeling it too.

If it is a facilitator or staff person be very concerned. I found the paid staff to be the most unethical and manipulative people I've ever met.


My experience with other participants was that my PSI7 group emailed and phoned each other for a while and then our real lives started to demand attention. I got a christmas card from one of the gals I met at PSI7 just the other day. It's the only contact i've had from any of them in months.


It does wear off.

Resist her going to anything called PLD. That is the most poisones part of the indoctrination. Use whatever excuse you can to get her to think of her kids and her family first. Let her know how she will be "taking" from the family if she continues.

I feel for you. There is hope. Most people who don't stay involved with the seminars have little lasting harm if any. They usually will say it was a good experience. She may have learned some valuable things about herself and what she really wants. Talk to her about that and encourage her to grow and be the person she wants to be.

Keep us posted about how you are doing. I hope that you keep your family together.

PSIsurvivor

Well I hate to say it but the person you married is probaly gone. However one thing she was most likely taught was not to "rip anyone off" by not being honest and to take a "committed stand" on what she believes in.
So She is going to take that committed stand with you trying to get you to believe there is nothing wrong with her and the problem is with you. The advice I would give you is to not take it lying down. Be open and honest with her, but you MUST come from a space of love and compassion. She has had major breakthroughs that are valuable to her. So if you come from a loving space when you address issues with her she might be more "open" to listen to your honesty.

Maybe you could just sit her down in a chair, you also sit in a chair facing her (its called a diad) that is how they do it in LGAT classes. Maybe dim the lights and use candles to easy the tention in the room. And begin to express you experience of you when you were first married , maybe what made you fall in love with her. And there share you experience of her now good and bad and then explain how that makes you feel. You might want to hold her hands in yours while you are talking to her and look at her when you speak. We become very comfortable staring into the eyes of our diad as we speak. Look at her from the inside and she will feel it.
Good luck!

Hi,

I suggest you to find a copy of "Cults In Our Midst" by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer. (ISBN: 0-7879-6741-6)

...Chapter 11 - Leaving the cult

"When a person is taken in by the coercive psychological and social influence of a cult, she or he experiences what I call the five D's.

1. Deception in the recruitment process and throughout membership

2. Debilitation, because of the hours, the degree of commitment, the psychological pressures, and the inner constriction and strife

3. Dependency, as a result of being cut off from the outside world in many ways

4. Dread, because of beliefs instilled by the cult that a person who leaves will find no real life on the outside

5. Desensitization, so that things that would once have troubled them no longer do

[b:fee4f98496]All of these factors, which I expand on in the rest of the chapter, enmesh and work together to keep the cult member from seeing a way out[/b:fee4f98496]"

HSUCHI

I agree with victim 1. Myt wife attended the PSI7 in September, came home a month later and left me. I told her of the information found on this web site and others, but she refused to listen to reason or ignored the information completely...

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Is it common for her to seem normal some days and totally different other days?

Yes, I believe this is common. Was your wife away from the group for a little while while she was busy with the holidays? Staying away from the group seems to allow the effects to wear off a bit. Also, she may have been thinking about the holidays and family, which would help push thoughts of the group out of her mind.

Did she receive any phone calls or other communication from anyone in the group before her decision to go work out? Even a telephone call can be used to bring up hypnotic suggestions that can get her right back into groupthink.

Even people who've made the decision to leave their group are torn emotionally for a while after their decision. Groups like these cause a lot of self-doubt.