Tonight I got to spend some time with my ex/girlfriend for the first time since I lost my job a week ago. Really this was the first time we've had some time with each other in a couple of weeks. She told me that I seem different and be she can't really place what it is. She said I even look different. She seemed to indicate that I'm not as withdrawn or something with the expression she made.

I told her that since I lost my job some things have "clicked" inside of me. It's weird I've even sensed it in myself. I noticed the otherday in the mirror I actually looked younger! I feel different, it's like there is a sense of ease about me I didn't have before. I also feel a lot more agressive but in a positive way. I have a sense about me that I will not let myself be defeated because I lost my job and all the shit I've been throug. I feel that there really isn't much more in my life left to loose and there really is no way but up from here. I mean after all I've lost my girlfriend, though she's still in my life. I took a real hit on my health last year. I lost my financial stability last year. Then I finally lost my job last week. I've lost the trust of friends. I really don't see that there is much more for me to loose. I'm not looking at this from a negative outlook, it's more of a question I'm asking myself. I mean, heck, most people in my situation would just plain give up I suppose. A brain washed Lekkie would volunteer their ass off and enroll in the ILP and or Wisdom Series or god only knows what other kind of Landmark BS so they could go creat some La La Land to go live in. I know I saw, many an unemployed Lekkie when I was in there. All wide eyed and skitzoid like a Zombie on Methampehtamine.

This is a new experience for me. I'm taking it as part of my recovery process and deprogramming. Me getting back to the old me that got surpressed in Landmark. It's like the Landmark spell is still unraveling.

Have any of you that have been involved heavily in Landmark, or even another LGAT, gone through this after coming to your senses and leaving Landmark or your respective LGAT?

Shed the shit and move on. You're inspiring me Zorro. I love your attitude...

I too am enjoying the recovery process here as well. I suspect that it's a good thing for all of us to see this.

BTW, if you want to rebuild with some real wisdom and not the pseudo fake kind, then read your way through the book of Proverbs. It's very refreshingly good.

John

Side note:

I'd be fascinated if anyone took up the torch to see if there were noted personality changes in people after taking LE courses...pre-tes/post-test. It was done before, I think with est, before the myriad of LE legalese. Everyone in HS takes a form on the Myers-Briggs, which would mean the pre-test is already there, somewhere.

You know what? I think I took the Meyers Briggs test several years ago before I was in Landmark. I wish now I had taken it after I left Landmark back in June. I wonder if I took it now if something would show up? If it did would it be because of Landmark or because of a natural change and progression in my personality?

I think I could get ahold of my old results if I dug around a little bit.