Well, I guess it's over. I'm letting my ex go, finally. I've done everything I can, and I woke up this morning ready to move on. I don't feel the need to keep trying to convince him to walk away from Landmark.

It's his life, his choices. I told him I thought the "life coach" who signed him up for Landmark is irresponsible and out to make a buck, she doesn't really care about him and he should stop taking her advice. He told me that she does really care about him, because he pays her less than all her other clients, and she could easily find someone to pay more. I said, that may be true but she's still being paid, that's her primary interest in you. He said no, she's "committed to my happiness."

Ah. Of course. If the Landmark jargon says so, it must be true, que no?

I can't imagine ever getting sucked into a realm where people talk like this, think like this. It's terrifying.

Now I'm just having to look at all the ways in which I deceived myself about this person. I can see it clearly enough, and that's the lesson I have to take away from this. He's a wonderful person in so many ways, he was so loving and generous, funny and kind. But I always saw how he was lacking a center, lacking some kind of inner strength. I told myself I could deal with it, or help him grow, but I always knew it was a real problem. Better it all came out now than later I guess.

This whole experience has given me an enormous new respect for the realm of humanity in all its complexity, that cannot be controlled or ever fully understood. The human heart, mind, soul, psyche. These are terrifying and beautiful and sacred realms, and we are fools to ever seek, out of fear, to control or denigrate them so we won't have to be faced with the scope of their mystery.

Okay, this is nothing but my own midnight ranting. It would only be of use as an empathic message across the void for anyone else who ever goes through this. Judging by how Landmark and other LGATs are spreading, many more people will go through this.

So, for the record, I'm having a hard time getting over what I've just gone through with my ex and Landmark. This also has coincided with a period of my life where I don't have a lot of other responsibilities so I've been able to really stew in this awful mess. This has spurred me into taking action to start the next phase of my life, so I can move on from this one.

But it's . . . just_so_hard . . . to be SO ignored, so dismissed by the person you love and once respected. Things were shaky between us, and instead of seeing how Landmark was going to be the final straw and therefore avoiding it, my ex saw it as somewhere to find a safe harbor after the wreck of our relationship. Because I gave him an ultimatum, Landmark or me. And he knew his own weakness better than I did. He chose Landmark.

And I can't quite make this okay. Not in the same way that I could make it okay if he fell in love with another woman. That would be a wound that would heal. But there's a poison in this wound. It's the poison of Landmark. Everything it represents, which so many intelligent, clear thinking people on this board can see. But not my ex.

Even just a few days ago he told me he was "bewildered" by my interest in Landmark. Bewildered. Why? Because he hadn't READ ANYTHING THAT I SENT HIM. If he had, he'd understand my concerns, wouldn't he??

But he admitted to me at one point that he didn't want to read these things because he didn't want to invalidate the experience he had at Landmark. His "breakthroughs." His drug high. His "thrall" and hypnotic euphoria.

Man oh man. No attitude could disgust me more. The bitterness of my disgust sticks in my throat all day. I walk around shaking my head like a crazy person.

Because I don't live my life like this. I abhor these shoddy standards of intellectual honesty. It's akin to saying you don't want to know whether Bush knew there weren't really weapons of mass destruction in Iraq because you voted Republican and didn't want to regret the choice, and boy you had a good time at the GOP victory bash. It was really a bonding moment.

And I think of him bonding with other people, choosing a bunch of Landmark jargon-spouting drones over me, and I feel such a deep sense of miserable loss, it just cuts right through me.

And I wonder if, years from now, he might wake up. By this time he'll probably be a Landmark leader. And he'll find this board and read my posts, and suddenly understand fully what he put me through.

This is if Landmark doesn't turn him into a total psychological wreck, which it has done to so many other people, and he is the perfect candidate for this. And I mean it, he's serving himself up on a platter.

It's just that he had no respect for me. What this says about him, who I thought he was, the kind of love I thought he had for me . . . well, it isn't good.

It's all so surreal. And the more I learn about Landmark and how many people they're reaching, the more literally afraid I become. I try to divorce myself from this, I try not to care, about humanity in general and our future. Because perhaps this is it, this is our evolutionary termination point, culminating in mindless armies of New Age/Self-Help borgs endlessly pursuing ego-centric, delusional visions of "extraordinary possibility" and lining the pockets of unfathomably rich and evil con-men and psychotic occultists while the rest of us, the still-thinking "outsiders," dwindle in numbers, unable to find work in the corporate slave yards unless we agree to attend LGAT indoctrinations, unable to even meet and reproduce because we're afraid to go outside and get mauled by some sleepless Lekkie scouring the colorless and "meaningless" streets in single-minded existential mania, searching for one . . . more . . . recruit . . . .

Keep writing, vlinden. You have a great way of putting it in words, something I have not been able to do.

I want to comment on only one thing right now. And I'll relate it as it applies to my sister. I think we had a good relationship all our lives. I think she was interested in my thoughts, cared about me, respected me. All our friends considered us close. I don't think that because one sociopath got his claws into her and manipulated her to betray me in exchange for allegiance to him and his bank account means that she *wasn't* who she was before and we *didn't* have what we once had. I truly think that these lgats steal people: their souls, their personalities, their lives. They destroy the old person and implant something else. Like the Stepford Wives. This isn't to say that my sister didn't have weak spots (she obviously did because she is still entranced by the con) but I truly think the lgat changed her, deeply and sickly.

Can good people be turned bad, given the right set of circumstances? I think so.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2008 02:50PM by skeptic.

Well, at least you weren't married to him. If it's of any consequence.

Keep on writing.

John

Quote
vlinden

Even just a few days ago he told me he was "bewildered" by my interest in Landmark. Bewildered. Why? Because he hadn't READ ANYTHING THAT I SENT HIM. If he had, he'd understand my concerns, wouldn't he??

Followers are discouraged from reading, listening, or looking at anything critical of the group. They are taught that critics are negative, cynical, bitter people who will drag them down and ruin their ~transformation.~ They are encouraged to turn a blind eye to anything that carries even a faint whiff of derogatory information and ignore any curiosity they might have. Many come to equate the negative press with the type of thinking that got them into so much trouble in the first place -- trouble they are so eager to escape.

Quote

This is if Landmark doesn't turn him into a total psychological wreck, which it has done to so many other people, and he is the perfect candidate for this. And I mean it, he's serving himself up on a platter.

Sounds like he might be the type Landmark takes full use of. They love people they can take advantage of. I'd say the proof would be if he spends increasing amounts of money and devotes more and more time to them. Fortunately, this tend to ruin the ~transformation~ over time as these people burn out from the excessive demands. But it takes a while -- months, years, decades sometimes. It may be the first time he has felt good about himself for a long time. Most of us tend to get ground down by life and I'd say this type of cult involvement and emotional manipulation is almost like falling in love -- you just don't want to give up that feeling. But at Landmark, that "love" comes with a hefty price-tag, a monstrous work-load, and a colossal hangover. Recognition of the abuse of his good nature will kick in sooner or later, but it may take a while. Think of it like a bad marriage.


Ellen

Most of us tend to get ground down by life and I'd say this type of cult involvement and emotional manipulation is almost like falling in love -- you just don't want to give up that feeling. But at Landmark, that "love" comes with a hefty price-tag, a monstrous work-load, and a colossal hangover. Recognition of the abuse of his good nature will kick in sooner or later, but it may take a while. Think of it like a bad marriage.


Yes, it feels like he fell in love with Landmark and stopped loving me. Of course this makes me lose my respect for him, which makes me no longer in love with him anymore, and yet my wounded heart and ego walk around all day going "How could he possibly feel that way??? How ??? How???" I wish they'd shut up already.

He told me recently that he doesn't think he's going to devote a lot of time to Landmark, but this is a statement with no weight at all, knowing him as I do. I think he'll get sucked in deeply by the Advanced Course. But since we no longer speak, I won't be able to find out what happened to him.

By the way, I totally know that I'm a boring, whining schmuck. Nobody needs to respond to me. I'm just wandering around with a broken heart and a head that won't stop playing the same tape over and over again.

I just figure, other people will go through the same thing, so at least they'll know they're not alone.

I want to comment on only one thing right now. And I'll relate it as it applies to my sister. I think we had a good relationship all our lives. I think she was interested in my thoughts, cared about me, respected me. All our friends considered us close. I don't think that because one sociopath got his claws into her and manipulated her to betray me in exchange for allegiance to him and his bank account means that she *wasn't* who she was before and we *didn't* have what we once had. I truly think that these lgats steal people: their souls, their personalities, their lives. They destroy the old person and implant something else. Like the Stepford Wives. This isn't to say that my sister didn't have weak spots (she obviously did because she is still entranced by the con) but I truly think the lgat changed her, deeply and sickly.


I know what I had with my ex was real. Nothing and no one can change that. You can't lie about love, whether you feel or it or you don't, there's no way to deceive yourself about that.

But the truth is, he was retreating in fear from me before Landmark -- right before it. But he was struggling with it (I was going to move in with him for a while, he'd never lived with anyone before). And I think Landmark did something to him so he just stopped struggling with it and let me go.

And now it's like he can't even remember what we had. And he wants to keep communicating with me so we can "start another conversation" which I think is LE talk. He wants to be "authentic" with me, but it's like he has no connection to my heart anymore, and thinks I can have some kind of superficial relationship with him now! He wrote me a letter telling me all about his tennis practice the other day. Like I give a shit!!

I just can't do it. I wanted to stay in touch with him really only so I could keep trying to talk to him about Landmark, but that is ridiculous and pointless, and at this point if Landmark sucks him in and bleeds him dry, he deserves what he gets.

Vlinden,

I hope you get a chance to read what I'm writing here. I've something to add here, but in noway am I going to try to get your hopes up with regards to your ex. It's merely my perspective as a person that Landmark got ahold of and created what looks like unrepairable destruction my relationship.

Today my ex, whom I've had an on and off relationship with since Landmark, told me in straight up that we do not need to see each other or talk to each other anymore. That we need to break all ties and move on. Hearing that hurt really bad, I also know for a fact it hurt her to tell me that. She too has a lot of unresolved issues from her past and she's told me on more than one occassion that she is not good for me because of the way she is. I also know for a fact that my involvement in Landmark and subsequent crash was responsible for a whole lot of what happened between us. She simply didn't have the strength to help me or love to give me that I needed.

What I'm trying to say here is this. If your exboyfriend does indeed wake up and see that Landmark is a cult without religion and a bunch of brainwashing power hungry S.O.B's, he is going to be a total wreck. He maybe almost impossible to deal with and communicate effectively with, as I was. I was scared and couldn't thing clearly or for myself very well after I left Landmark. He will need a tremendous amount of love, compassion, and understanding. My ex wasn't capable of giving me that. He definately won't be the same man that you once knew and it may take months for him to get better, even with help. You can't have a short temper with him, that will only make the way he feels worse. He will cry, he will be angry, and there will be times that he justs sits there speechless and in his own head. It will be a horrible thing to see. It probably won't be continuous, it will probably be in spells.

The first thing that he will need and pronto is Professional Psychological help. If he get's diagnosed with depression or other issues and medication is recommended he will need it stat. If I had not waited, but gone on meds right away once I was diagnosed with severe depression I would have recovered much faster and avoided some of the issues that I've had to face.

Also, because of the way Landmark teaches people not to give up on getting "complete" with people that Lekkies loved and cared about at one time. He will be back to talk to you again. He needs it, it drives a Lekkie nuts if they can't get complete with someone that is close to them. They will keep trying and trying and trying. They will also keep trying to recruit their loved ones so that they can "be in the same conversation" that they are in, aka nuttiness. He will be back at some point, so be prepared.

But if he does snap out of it and comes back to you. Understand that he could very well be a total wreck that is going to need a lot of love and understanding. It also will not be easy for you either, if your not stable he could drive you over the edge with him.

This is some of the types of destrucion that Landmark causes and the reason that they need to be stopped!

hi vlinden,
just read your message (i have been away, busy with school)...i am so sorry to hear of your broken heart, i can truly emphasize with you...i feel your pain, yet I don't know what to say that can ease it...except that with time it WILL diminish somewhat...what more can i say...

also, with continued postings here at rickross, you will find like-minded people, and perhaps reading and writing here will help you...

again, i am so sorry for your loss..

regards,
Shad