I recently broke up with a man who I discovered was deeply involved in the Sterling Men/ Sterling Institute of Relationships after a couple of months of dating. He appears to also be involved in several similar cult-like groups and organizations throughout the Western United States (-- the names of which I unfortunately do not know). Like most people who have posted their bad experiences with Sterlingites and the Organization on-line, I feel a variety of residual emotions ranging from sorrow, vulnerability, and disbelief to anger and disgust. I have also spent a lot of time on the internet searching for answers, trying to get a better understanding of exactly what I have just lived through. For better or worse, this has been a life-changing experience that has opened my eyes to a reality that previously I did not know existed.

One thing that I have been looking for online and have yet to find is women's experiences "in bed" with Sterling Men. For the sake of discretion and keeping this forum clean, I will only say that, of the many men I have had sex with over my lifetime, this man was by far the most sexually violent of all. He also had several strange proclivities and behaviors that I have never before encountered in a mate. At the time, I honestly felt I was falling in love with him, but I also felt debased and threatened by his aggression, and I was worried what his limits might be, or if he had any limits. (In addition to his cult activities, he also claims to be a hypnotist, which is what I'd like to attribute my temporary loss of sanity to.)

What I'd like to know is if more women have experienced extreme sexual aggression from Sterling Men, or if this is an isolated incident. My knowledge of my ex-boyfriend's involvement with the Sterling Men came shortly after we became intimate. Once I became aware of the Sterling misogynistic world view, I instantly saw his behavior in bed in a much darker context (and never had sex with him again). I'm concerned that sexual violence is something that is promoted by the Organization, and that women are just too embarrassed to talk about this painful aspect of their failed relationships with Sterling Men. It is very difficult for me to admit to having been complicit in my own debasement, which is why they sometimes call it "sexual abuse," I guess. Beyond my own embarrassment, however, I think it's really important to get this topic out there for discussion. If it turns out that my experience was not just an isolated event, then there is something even more serious and f-ed up going on with the Sterling Institute of Relationships than has yet to be exposed. I am deeply worried about any women who may be currently involved with men who feel as though Justin Sterling has given them license to become abusers. If these types of groups are actively condoning sexual violence, then there needs to be a major awareness campaign out there to protect women.

I feel it a personal responsibilty to make others aware of this group. I can tell you that most of what is said on RR is correct. The only changes that I am aware of are that the weekend currently cost $800.00 and that there are no women waiting on men and rubbing their feet etc., this does not happen anymore. Short of that, everything about their dogma against women is true.

I know this because my soon to be husband attended the "Weekend" approximately 3 weeks ago. I consider myself very informed because he has been very open about the process and the subsequent weekly Team Meetings that he has attended since. This is very contrary to what the group/Sterling preaches.

All that is said about secrecy and absolute misogyny still rings very true. That women are lowly creatures that should be basically ignored except for the required ego stroking and for sex is also true.

The social irresponsibility of this group truly makes me sick. We are in our 40's, educated and consider ourselves to be pretty sharp. Even that did not keep my fiancee from being sucked into making several commitments with the group, because of course if he did not he would just be a pu**y.

My concern about this group is the many men that it touches that do not have the insight to get out. The peer presure is incredible. I am also very dismayed that this group also is targeting the younger populations with it's Young Mens and Young Womens weekends indoctrinating them into this mans (Sterling) very sick point of view.

No man in their right mind should attend this and I would discourage anyone that I possibly could.

If your soon-to-be-husband stays in Sterling, what will you do? I hope you will continue to update this group on what happens.

Hi Nancy Drew:

The day that I wrote this was to be either the 3rd or 4th Point Meeting that my fiancee (I will call him Rob) was supposed to attend. The more I read about the Weekend and Meetings the more upset I was getting and we were talking about this group, at length, just about every day. Fortunately, Rob was very open about the content of the Weekend and the Meetings. This is something that I am sure would have been slowly taken away from us, because don't tell your woman a thing is the mantra.

I knew that Rob was not happy about some of the things going on, to name a few, Sterlings dogma about women and relationships, the fact that when he left the Weekend Sterling told the graduating group, in what was widely perceived in a threatening manner, "No one comes between me and my people," meaning, they were now indoctrinated and their loyalty at all times was to Sterling and the group as a whole. Rob also saw one of the long standing members of the group hit another man ( I believe he was a volunteer) in the head in front of the men who were attending the Weekend. This man was overtly very humiliated but would not say or do anything, he just took it. Rob also confided to me that while on the Weekend the men kept trying to get him to say/admit what a b*tch and a c*nt I was; he was pretty shocked considering they did not know him or me at all. But to Sterling and his band of idiots, of course, all women are these and the sole root of mens' problems.

Again, the day I wrote this, Rob called and told me he was not going to attend that nights meeting or any others. You can imagine how glad I was to hear this. The week before he quit, another man had quit and Rob decided to call him. This man told Rob that over the previous weekend, before the Monday night meeting, he e-mailed all of the men and told them he was not going to return and did not want contact from any of them. One of the men called him back and said, "It sounds like me and some of the other men from the group need to come over to your house and have a talk with you about this." This man related to Rob that this was done in a very threatening manner as well.

The reality is, if Rob decided to stay in this group it most likely would have ended our relationship. I never told him that, it was a conclusion that I hoped that he would come to himself, but the odds of this happening if he stayed in the group were diminishing quickly due the constant brainwashing about "women and their place," plus all of the other cr*p Sterling and the other men preach. Also, they were starting to try and get more and mor eof his time with their "commitments."

Rob also called the point leader and told him he would not be returning and without being too specific, this man was very agressive with him and berated him saying, he made a commitment and he had to be there, no questions no excuses.

Now, just yesterday, someone took Rob's number from his Weekend registration and called to ask if "his woman" would like to attend the upcoming Woman's Weekend. He told them not to call again and hung up, I told Rob he should have told them, "No, but she would like to burn the place to the ground." Hypothetically of course :)

Lastly, Rob was ripe for the picking for this type of group. He was feeling down about some things and someone we knew told him about this, naturally, they gave him the "just trust the process" line. The scariest thing about this is that Rob did become clearer about some things that he wanted to change in his life during the Weekend. He was on high like I had never seen in anyone, who was not on drugs, (I am a former psych professional) after he came home from this thing. Of course he had been with next to no food, water or sleep.

In my opinion, that is where the real problems begin, they are recruiting the men to the Weekly Meetings under the guise of support but the real purpose is to get more men to attend the Weekends throughout the year. The men leading these are not qualified to help these men, some whom have opened up some serious issues from their lives and some with very serious problems. On the first Weekly Meeting the Point Leader pushed hard to get all of the men to commit to getting another man to sign up, this was the big push at every Meeting.

The irresponsibility of "the process" and what they are teaching is ghastly.

Please forgive the long post, I guess I had more to say than I originally expected. :)

Woah. No problem about the long post; it's all so fascinating. I could write 1000s of words on the Sterling guy I was dating, and we were only together for a month or so (until I looked up "Sterling Men" on the internet and broke up with him almost immediately). He was seriously into it though, and lots of other weird stuff too for all I can tell; he is definitely the most complicated person I have ever met. When I read other people's posts about Sterling and Landmark, I'm always wondering if he's one of the characters being discussed. I wouldn't be surprised.... I'm just wondering, at what point does a group gain official classification as a "hate group"? Sterling certainly promotes the hatred of women. Those guys should all just pick up, move to Afghanistan and join the Taliban... Anyway, that's really scary about all the harassment you and your guy have been receiving since he officially called it quits. I hope it stops soon. I've had my own problems with my "ex" trying to get back into my good graces; those Sterling jerks just don't get it. They're like adult babies, the schoolyard bullies who have lost their potency in the real world so have to create an artificial world where they can control everyone there...

Quote
Nancy Drew
those Sterling jerks just don't get it. They're like adult babies, the schoolyard bullies who have lost their potency in the real world so have to create an artificial world where they can control everyone there...

Bingo!

That's it exactly, whether it's Sterling, Scientology, or any of the other "empowerment" programs. They are all in the business of selling power to the powerless, only it's no real power, just a facsimile or pretense of power. It's bogus power that is in fact another and worse form of powerlessness. Silly when you think about it.


Ellen

Hey Elena, I think you've hit on something there. Would most probably apply to the New Age types as well as the odd Pentecostal (well known for wanting the power but not the discipline/accountability).

Nancy, please write thousands of words. :-)

John

John, Elena, Nancy,

Ask me anything.

Dave