anon0820,

Those emails are very similar to ones I got from my ex-wife. In fact the language was almost word for word. I guess these groups do use the same play book.

I am sorry for the loss of your relationship. I know how you feel when you make several attempts to get them to see what they are getting involved in and they won't listen, nor do they care.

I showed my wife several papers/articles etc, to get her to see what I was afraid of when she got involved in this group. She said these articles were BS. She even showed the articles I gave her to her PSI Buddy and the PSI buddy told her it was BS.

If you have the chance try to obtain Singers book "Cults in Our Midst." It explained alot of what people go though with the groups.

I am going to read that book - Cults in the Midst along with others that I now have on order at Amazon. In the meantime, I've been reading the responses on this message board of people's experiences both in and out of the coercive cults.

Samuel / Brad...thanks for your kind words and making me feel that I am not alone.

I thought I was crazy.... who woulda thunk :roll: that my ex was / is involved in this. I am happy, however, that there's an answer of why and now I can move on. I am sad for him because he's so grossly involved and doesn't know how much.

I was tempted to contact a brother of his (not the one who attended the workshop), but I thought that I don't know what these cults can do if they found out it was me ratting out one of his own. I was tempted to anonymously drop a book off in my ex's mailbox with hopes that a light would go on and he'd realize what's going on. Then I thought that it's not my place to do an intervention... and I don't have the skills for that.

It's too late for him, but not for me. 8)

Thanks to all who've 'saved' me...Hopefully, I am now saving others by posting my story.

In the section Getting Help/Coping, Rick Ross mentions four books as being perhaps the top four:

- "Cults in Our Midst" by Margaret Singer
- "Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism" by Robert Jay Lifton
- "Influence" by Robert Cialdini
- "Snapping" by Flo Conway and Jim Siegelman

"Cults in Our Midst" and "Influence" are on their way to me from Amazon. I haven't yet purchased Lifton's book, while I have read "Snapping", which I found to be an excellent source for explaining what happens to people in these situations. I would highly recommend it.

Understanding what has happened is at the very least therapeutic. And, who knows, there could be information there that helps one find a way out.

Studies have been done on people caught up in cults and cult-like relationships and, interestingly, they have revealed that these people are generally of above average intelligence.

It can happen to anyone. It is important to know that.

I know many of us feel alone in our battle when a loved one is caught up in the cult/LGAT trap. But - and I could be reminding myself of this while writing it - we are not alone. It has happened and is happening to many others.

We need to share our experiences to educate other people so that their lives are not turned upside-down by these exploitative, manipulative, cold-hearted con artists.

These are the books I ordered from Amazon:
[b:22795a0108]Combatting Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults"[/b:22795a0108]
Steven Hassan;

[b:22795a0108]19 Years in a Manhattan Cult: The Cult Next Door[/b:22795a0108]
Elizabeth R. Burchard;

[i:22795a0108]Based on your recommendation:[/i:22795a0108]
[b:22795a0108]"Snapping: America's Epidemic of Sudden Personality Change"[/b:22795a0108]
Flo Conway;

Hi anon0820,

That's a good start. Be aware that the later editions of both "Snapping" and "Cults in Our Midst" do not contain the original passages about est/Landmark and are therfore missing some important information about LGATs. Both publishers were sued and subsequently removed that material. The offending passages from Margaret Singer's book can be found on this site. It's titled "Intruding Into the Workplace." I would have recommended finding older editions but you can find the missing parts. I find it quite telling that Conway and Siegleman saw the connection between LGATs and cults early on.

When you've finished with those, I have some other recommendations, including "Game Free" (which has a self-identified Christian bias but is an excellent book nonetheless) and "The Wrong Way Home." Both offer a revealing glimpse of the frailties and fault lines in the human psyche that make us vulnerable to cults and gurus.


Ellen

Thanks Ellen...

I'll post back when I get / read the books I ordered.

I'll also look into the missing pieces of the books on the site.

Thanks again.

I'm waiting for some sort of special status from Amazon to be awarded to me. I was checking today. In the past two months I have ordered 19 books related to cults!!! :lol:

Ellen, about the books you mentioned... Please tell us a little more about them. There are only two customer reviews on Amazon about "The Wrong Way Home" and I gave up looking for "Game Free" after I went through eight pages of possibilities.

A little obsessed are we????
:lol: :lol:

But I am the same way...I start out with not one but three books!!!
:)

It'll keep Amazon in business and keep us informed.
:)

Obsessed? Me? :lol:

You're damned right I am! I am not going to let the people who have screwed with my life and that of my girlfriend, her friends, and family get away with it.

The truth will out. I cannot let it go, even though it would certainly be easier to walk away from it.

It is [b:c8313f62c6]hard[/b:c8313f62c6], but I feel as if I have no choice in the matter; I must pursue it and expose these people for what they are.

You might have noticed that I am hardly off these boards, always checking in. There is so much to learn here and that knowledge I will one day be able to use for the right reasons.

Quote
Brad69

Ellen, about the books you mentioned... Please tell us a little more about them. There are only two customer reviews on Amazon about "The Wrong Way Home" and I gave up looking for "Game Free" after I went through eight pages of possibilities.

"Game Free; A Guide to the Meaning of Intimacy," Thomas C. Oden, 1974

Like you, I originally read everything I could get my hands on. I started in the library and just read the whole shelf. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. This was a book that stands out in my memory, though it is long out of print and mostly neglected by the anti-cult crowd. I'm always reluctant to recommend anything written by a theologian. Oden reveals his bias up front, which I find refreshing. You can factor it in or out, as you please. Amazon shows used copies starting at $0.75.

One of the faddish ideas and psychological revelations that became a part of the culture at the time when Werner Erhard and his cohorts were designing these "seminars" was the idea that people are more than prone to "dysfunctional" game-playing. The various "games," which are really psycholgical and neurotic manipulations with "set-ups," hidden agendae, and "pay-offs" are really quite common and the book, "Games People Play," is a hoot if you haven't read it. I imagine Werner Erhard replaced the word "game" with "racket" at some point. They are roughly the same concept as far as I can tell.

Oden de-constructs the whole game-playing thing and shows why it is a foolish, frustrating, immature, and often destructive way of going about getting what you want. We've all known game-players. They wear you out after a while. Because Werner Erhard was a con-artist, the idea made more than enough sense to him and it is at the bedrock of his silly "programs." The idea that "Life is a Game" is part of est/Landmark and most subsequent LGATs because he was running a con-game. I think that's his own little private joke.


Ellen