A guy went up to the mike and said that his father was a drunk and an abusive father. He went into some very specific stories of abuse that had left the son thinking he was weak and worthless.
He suggested that his father "John" is the only person in the whole world that is qualified to be "John". ...
However, since "John" is the only person qualified in the world to be "John". He was being himself... perfectly. That made his father perfect at being his father.
That way of explaining it, took what had happened to the son and separated it from the son's perception of himself.
Then the son started to cry saying, "what my father did to me is just what he did and it does not mean that I am weak and worthless."
Then, after all of this, the son looked over to the left side of the auditorium and said, "I forgive you dad."
The room went silent as his father and the guy's mother both walked up to the stage and hugged their son.
No, no, no Myles, sorry. This is ABSOLUTE CRAP!
When I hear this type of story, it looks to me as if this view about life could only have been orchestrated by a child abuser who cannot take responsibility for his own acts of deviance.
Just suppose for a moment that this guy (this VICTIM) is a teenager still living with his father John with a history of child abuse (past, present and future). And suppose this guy was taking the Forum for Teens. Then the message would be "kid, take responsibility for being abused" and "forgive your father", "give him a big hug" and "your daddy is perfect the way he is". Now, would that stop the child being abused by the father??? Don't you see that this orchestrated big show is just pile of garbage? In my country, we put these fathers in jail and we make sure the child is protected against further abuse.
The same applies for a 6yo raped by her father. Should she take responsibility for being raped, forgive her father and give him a big hug and say "daddy, I forgive you and I love you even if you are raping me as I speak or if you raped me in the past" or say "daddy, I take full responsibility for being raped because I'm the one who enticed you and I'm the one who wanted to explore my sexuality" (this argument about a 6yo abused child is actually documented black on white in a book published by a Landmark graduate named Madeleine Houle)???
I agree that after 10-20 years, an adult should be able to move on with his life understanding the HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING BEEN ABUSED AS A CHILD, but to say DADDY IS PERFECT the way he is as an ABUSER is, well ..., I could say this is an ABSOLUTE and REMARKABLE pile of CRAP!
Landmark/EST is really pure nonsense and loaded with crap! The way these kids are asked to seperate themselves from their feelings about being abused and the reality of being abused is an invitation to more deviant act by the abuser. I doubt this is the right attitude to instill in a child's head.