the leader blasted her for "making him wrong" and running a "poor victim whose daddy doesn't lover her" racket.
Thank you for sharing that story. This reminds me of something remarkable that I saw in my forum.
A guy went up to the mike and said that his father was a drunk and an abusive father. He went into some very specific stories of abuse that had left the son thinking he was weak and worthless.
The leader said that impression of his father was a "racket". Well, the son could not see that. Neither could I. The father was obviously a drunk who abused his family... that's what I saw too. I felt like punching the leader in the nose for making this the son's responsibility. Just to look at the son, you saw someone that thought he was weak and worthless. You could see it.
This conversation went back and forth for about an hour until the leader explained the racket conversation another way.
He suggested that his father "John" is the only person in the whole world that is qualified to be "John". Then the leader agreed that what the father had done was terrible and no one will ever be likely to condone what he had done to his son and wife.
However, since "John" is the only person qualified in the world to be "John". He was being himself... perfectly. That made his father perfect at being his father.
I had never heard anything quite like that before. So, his father was perfect at being the abusive person that he was being. That way of explaining it, took what had happened to the son and separated it from the son's perception of himself.
Then the son started to cry saying, "what my father did to me is just what he did and it does not mean that I am weak and worthless."
Then, after all of this, the son looked over to the left side of the auditorium and said, "I forgive you dad."
The room went silent as his father and the guy's mother both walked up to the stage and hugged their son.
It was really just like that. The leader was VERY persistent to the point of making me uncomfortable for this guy. In the end he had separated what had happened to him away from what he had made the abuse mean about himself. Absolutely remarkable!