Hi, I grew up with an abrasive childhood. My mother tried to suffocate me and ran a double standard most of her life. She never accepted me going to college or moving out. After the divorce with my dad, she was even worse towards me. My dad on the other hand smacked me up the neck for not getting good grades and doing well academically. I cried a lot and was never allowed to express my feelings at home nor in elementary school. Although my mom was abused, she thought it was ok to take it out on me. DO THIS DO THAT kind of parenting towards me. Parents never got along. So long story short I lived with this for most of my life buried. I was a teacher for ten years and now am going for nursing as a second career.

However I lived with the above feelings and memories for most of my life. PTSD. One day I let it out on facebook and that caught the attention of someone. They invited me to sit down and talk about it and therefore introduced me to the ATLAS project. Not knowing what it was, nor knowing anything about LGATs I went through it. Stupid mistake. I thought once I let out all my emotions after the second weekend, everything would get better.. But once third program started, it was about enrolling people... If you did not do it nor enjoy it the group would distance themselves from you. They formed cliques. Not that I really needed anymore friends, because I have plenty of good ones, it sure felt more miserable. More anger started to built up which btw I wanted to learn how to work with in a healthy way. About two weeks before the program finished I left and cut all my ties with whatsapp program and such.... Previous people who left, were, I heard cussed at and such.. Anyway, I am still stuck with these miserable memories, I want to know how to cope with it. It was better before all of this including before the CBT therapy dug it. (Thats what started it)! Anyway, any thoughts, help, etc..?? Thanks

Clarinets21,

I have never heard of Atlas, but most LGATs seem to use the same tactics.

It seems to me that what they do could be described as psychological rape. The fact that you're trying to get rid of unpleasant memories makes it sound to me as if you've been somewhat traumatized by the whole experience. My best guess would be to try to find a counselor who deals with trauma.

There are also many people more knowledgeable than me on these boards, and sometimes it can help just to share your experience with others who have been through the same. I think that the most important thing is that you got out of that group.

Best of luck,
kdag