Advice as my partner abruptly left me after SELP
Posted by:
Throughmyeyes
()
Date: September 08, 2017 11:18AM
I have known my now ex partner since we were 12 years old. We had an enduring friendship which last 25 years and many mutual friends whom we both remain in touch with. Our relationship changed to that of a romantic nature 18 months ago and it moved very quickly due to our shared histories. We did not have one argument and any disagreements were talked through.
In April my now ex commenced a SELP course in which he organised to have facilitated through his work. He has ensured all senior managers and managers junior to him whom he oversees will be participating in the course. I believe is has a 12 session duration spread over six months. To participate in this course my partner had to fly on red eye flights interstate, already sleep deprived and stressed due to the demands of his work. I had only three weeks ago broached my concerns with him that I was worried about him as he seemed depressed and very stressed. He had no time to himself at all.
After his second session interstate I noticed a change. I could not put my finger on it though until recently. I would be confused after our conversations and he started misinterpreting things I had been saying. He was skewing my sentences to meet his own narrative which was diametrically opposed to my intent.
After a session two months ago, he flew into an absolute rage with me over something that I had not done at all. He would not listen to my reasoning or even take into consideration the stress and life events that were affecting me at the time. As far as he was concerned I had intentionally offended him and he literally kicked me out of his house. I was completely mortified and extremely confused as I had absolutely no idea what had happened. I knew he was beyond exhausted both physically and emotionally so I gave him his space. Two days later he contacted me saying that he wanted to forget that it had happened. I was still confused but we had to go away to our high school reunion so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We had a nice trip away I thought and things returned relatively back to normal. I had noticed other changes in his behaviour though which I could not put my finger on.
After his latest session with Landmark I tried to give him a wide berth for a few days as I did not want a repeat of what happened last time. He called me the day he returned home sounding desperate to organise time to catch up over the weekend. This was Friday afternoon. We had decided on a Sunday afternoon lunch with our children. On Saturday night I sent him a playful message saying I missed him and enjoyed being in his space. After a period of no response, I cheekily sent him a message saying "except when you ignore me being nice to you..thats annoying"..... Well on Sunday instead of the nice lunch we were meant to be having, I received a phone call telling me that it wasn't working, it can't possibly work and he is sick of my abusive messages. I was more than stunned. He refused to see me, he refused to come talk to me and as far as he was concerned he had made himself clear on the matter and that was it. He was drawing a line in the sand and making a commitment to himself. He said it was our of care and honesty that he was making this decision and that he would was calling bs on my reasoning behind the message as I apparently do it all the time. It is perplexing.
He has become robotic in his interactions with me. I was being completely and utterly misunderstood as it was not fitting his narrative. He has said his priority's are his work and the goals and aspirations he wants out of life. I have been given landmark rhetoric in more ways than one and have been treated as an innane object able to be disposed of.
I can not condone the behaviours of dispelling and direspecting another person's feelings especially one you have known your entire life. How does a phone call followed by an email just as icy and confusing ending a 30 year relationship be the outcome of a so called "Self expression and improvement" course? To me the course encourages sociopathic traits.
Do they ever come out of it....I miss my friend.
In April my now ex commenced a SELP course in which he organised to have facilitated through his work. He has ensured all senior managers and managers junior to him whom he oversees will be participating in the course. I believe is has a 12 session duration spread over six months. To participate in this course my partner had to fly on red eye flights interstate, already sleep deprived and stressed due to the demands of his work. I had only three weeks ago broached my concerns with him that I was worried about him as he seemed depressed and very stressed. He had no time to himself at all.
After his second session interstate I noticed a change. I could not put my finger on it though until recently. I would be confused after our conversations and he started misinterpreting things I had been saying. He was skewing my sentences to meet his own narrative which was diametrically opposed to my intent.
After a session two months ago, he flew into an absolute rage with me over something that I had not done at all. He would not listen to my reasoning or even take into consideration the stress and life events that were affecting me at the time. As far as he was concerned I had intentionally offended him and he literally kicked me out of his house. I was completely mortified and extremely confused as I had absolutely no idea what had happened. I knew he was beyond exhausted both physically and emotionally so I gave him his space. Two days later he contacted me saying that he wanted to forget that it had happened. I was still confused but we had to go away to our high school reunion so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We had a nice trip away I thought and things returned relatively back to normal. I had noticed other changes in his behaviour though which I could not put my finger on.
After his latest session with Landmark I tried to give him a wide berth for a few days as I did not want a repeat of what happened last time. He called me the day he returned home sounding desperate to organise time to catch up over the weekend. This was Friday afternoon. We had decided on a Sunday afternoon lunch with our children. On Saturday night I sent him a playful message saying I missed him and enjoyed being in his space. After a period of no response, I cheekily sent him a message saying "except when you ignore me being nice to you..thats annoying"..... Well on Sunday instead of the nice lunch we were meant to be having, I received a phone call telling me that it wasn't working, it can't possibly work and he is sick of my abusive messages. I was more than stunned. He refused to see me, he refused to come talk to me and as far as he was concerned he had made himself clear on the matter and that was it. He was drawing a line in the sand and making a commitment to himself. He said it was our of care and honesty that he was making this decision and that he would was calling bs on my reasoning behind the message as I apparently do it all the time. It is perplexing.
He has become robotic in his interactions with me. I was being completely and utterly misunderstood as it was not fitting his narrative. He has said his priority's are his work and the goals and aspirations he wants out of life. I have been given landmark rhetoric in more ways than one and have been treated as an innane object able to be disposed of.
I can not condone the behaviours of dispelling and direspecting another person's feelings especially one you have known your entire life. How does a phone call followed by an email just as icy and confusing ending a 30 year relationship be the outcome of a so called "Self expression and improvement" course? To me the course encourages sociopathic traits.
Do they ever come out of it....I miss my friend.
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