kdag Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm not sure what's going on, as far as your not
> being able to react. I have had that happen to
> me, too, where i would not respond to something
> at the time, and know that i should have.
>
> I believe that you wrote in your first post that
> you would respond differently if it were a man
> behaving this way. Is there any way that you could
> mentally figure out what you would say or do, if
> it were a man, and then transplant that response
> onto this situation? Since it seems to be the same
> behavior over and over, maybe you could come up
> with a good response, and then sort of mentally
> rehearse it.
>
> You are right that this behavior is every bit as
> offensive and problematic from a gay woman as it
> is from a man. I too have had a certain minority
> of gay women harass me, with the attitude that it
> was okay, because they were women. The ironic part
> was that they would be the same ones who would rip
> on men, but would then turn around and imitate the
> very behaviors that they claimed to despise.

These two short skinny creepy older women ginger and chair person think they have the right to grab me, put their hands on me without asking. I'm not sure how to deal with it. I always think I'll say this and that, give them a little put down, but of course it never turns out like that! It's also starting to get worse. WHY do they think they can just put their hands all over me without asking? I'm in a freeze mode, where I can't seem to do much when these two women are groping me and touching me. My reaction to touching and groping by these two women is to freeze silently. Because of my freezing i can't tell them to leave me alone. I can't even tell them to stop hugging me groping me rubbing me. Also i go on these AA meetings straight from work and i am always exhausted. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't even feel angry at these two women(chair person and ginger) anymore for what they are doing to me, which I don't understand. This awful woman ginger rubs me and gropes me, tells me that I have a 'sexy' body, and make me feel disgusting.Like I am an object, like I am just fragmented body parts, 'huge round boobs,' a 'curvy ass', 'wide hips,' 'small waist.' When she touches me and gropes me, I feel like I am not even there. Also she often says to me that i am a stuck up overdressed rich stupid giant cow. I'm so passive and weak.

I am mocked by this woman ginger for taking pride in wanting to look nice. I have received many comments from this woman ginger and other women group members such as, “You must have 5 closets at home,” etc. The pressure this woman chair person is putting on me is really starting to stress me. She says I am not showing the neccessary commitment. She is pressuring me to go to meetings every day. This woman chair person tries to be friendly more and more, and this is stressful for me. Sometimes even I feel she is looking for the reason to get involved in my personal life. Also she can't talk to me without putting her hands on my breasts. She rubs my boobs and she comments on my boobs being squishy and soft. Also she pats and rubs my ass. When me and this woman chair person walk to our cars after the meetings we lock arms or hold hands. She even kisses my hand sometimes. My probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I have 19 more meetings to go. My husband is always angry at me. Whenever there is a potential for negativity (and I am not perfect at all so it is ok that he says that I do not do all things right) he is angry and gives me the silent treatment for at least one week if not two. Then when I say lets talk, he replies by this global condemnation of me in all I do, say or am.

I would be ok with being corrected if it was all true, but some of the things he says are so false and so hurtful that I do not know what to do. When we are togeather I feel on the edge because I am anticipating and trying to organize the environment to avoid his anger. I tried to gently talk back, does not work. I try very hard to just agree with everything he says, but that is pretty silly as well because it negates my right to be respected as a person too. I try staying out of his way, or on the other side being super attentive but that does not work either.

Stella,

Heres a link for you to read:

www.yourtango.com/experts/marni-feuerman/signs-abusive-relationship

This is only from a layman's perspective,
but I'm getting the impression that years with your current husband have eroded your ability to set boundaries with these women.

He probably increased his control over you gradually, until he had way too much power. Although the behavior of these women IS a problem, in the short term, i suspect that your inability to set boundaries is a symptom of the larger problem, which is your relationship with your husband.

If you can, i hope that you will seek counseling with a therapist. They might be able to help you to either change that relationship, or ...

Again, i am not a mental health professional.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2018 12:12PM by kdag.